Gimme ONE good reason to run up there! Yeah I know you are willing to scare the shit outta me on top of the glass floored tower. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?
I was going to say quite dating until you were 50… then 40 wouldn’t be so difficult… But I decided not to be lynched this week.
But in reading through this thread I think there is quite a lot of good advice in here. But definately look at the single mom angle. I kinda sorta want another kid… but I’d be almost 60 before the kid graduated high school… and I am sure that a lot of women think the same way.
Ech, I can’t think tonite… tune in tomorrow and watch me mangle another post…
I always thought that rule was to determine the youngest person you could date without looking like a Dirty Old Person. I think that interpretation makes a bit more sense, personally.
[sub]bolding mine[/sub]
Oddly, as part of an exploration of career change, my job counselor and I investigated my tutoring gifted kids in computer art. While in the long term I think it would be a Good Thing for me to do, as a “job” in the near term it would be next to impossible for me. That just means I’d have to ease into it through social connection, of course, rather than just taking out some ads. Check back in five years.
People have said to me occasionally that I might make a good father. Given the lack of serious relationships in my life, I initially found that surprising, but now I think it may have to do with the fact that I take kids seriously and try to respect them, rather than just treating them as annoyances and/or fashion accessories. When I go to visit my friends who have kids, I usually end up on the floor playing Legos. There’s definitely a frustrated kid in me who wants to give the kind of support he didn’t get in childhood.
Done. But the frustrating part of it is that this community in my city is desperately short of women…
Sunspace, don’t listen to a word he says. The discovery of any lie is pretty inevitable if your prospect makes it past a couple of dates, and if I found out a guy had lied to me about anything of any significance in an attempt to meet some fucked-up image of what he thought 30-something women wanted, he’d be dropped like a hot potato. Just what kind of a shallow bitch did he think I was, anyway? Assuming (and from your previous posts, I think I can assume this) you’re not looking for some airheaded bimbo Barbie type, why would you bother trying to market yourself to someone who would be swayed by something as shallow as what kind of car you drive?
Yes, if a guy has made it to 40 and is still single, I would ask some (hopefully) subtle, but probing questions about why. There’s a difference between a guy who has never had a committed relationship and is unemployed and living in his mom’s garage, and a guy who maybe spent significant chunks of time with one or more women, but decided they weren’t right for him.
But hey, I’m single, too; does than mean I’m damaged goods? I sure as hell hope not!
Eva Luna, age 35
(maybe we need another 30-something flirt thread…)
Probably the best way to solve the awful problem of being in your 40s is to hit 50.
“your ideal woman should be half your age plus 7 years”
This is idiotic. So at 54, I should be dating some 34-year-old? I hate people in their 30s. They’re so OLD and filled with hangups. Give me a hot woman in her 50s anytime. Oh, wait, I’ve already got one.
Not trying to be cruel but the age factor seems to be more of you then the women.
Perhaps a step back and some self-evaluation is in order. What you looking looking for, really?! You wanna get laid? Check out the local bar scene and stay until closing. You want to play the field? Ask friends and co-workers.
Are you looking for a real relationship? Try studying women in similar situations. Women take care of themselves, lead their lives and go with the flow. Living your life a a stable I-can-take-care-of-myself adult really does work. Sure it’s lonely and you may feel desperate at times. I think you’ll find many women feel the same way.
The key is, do you want to date or do you need to date? The former will have your cup runneth over with dates; the latter and you’ll die of thirst with fresh water all around you.
Don’t ever shy away from your disadvantages imagined or real because they’ll come back to bite you on the ass. Hell you’re not a convicted felon (that I know of) just get it out in the open and fast. Just don’t take it too seriously. After that it’s out of your hands.
25 year old woman here. I wouldn’t be phased at all about dating a 40 something guy (I actually am), providing a few conditions:
Attitude. If you think 40 makes you ‘too old’, it shows and is unattractive.
Fitness. You don’t have to be an athlete, but if you try to keep in shape you will look better, have more energy, and improve your attitude (see 1).
Don’t letch. It’s icky for anyone to do it, but a middle age guy who letches on younger women and turns his nose up at those near his age is hypocritical as well as nasty. Nothing wrong with flirting, mind you, but if you don’t know the difference, you’re in trouble.
If you are losing hair, please please don’t try to use a combover or toupee or some such thing. Wear it short, and, if not proud, at least not ashamed. Shave it if you’ve got a nice skull. Likewise, If you are developing a new gut as part of your proud transition to middle years, please don’t try to pretend it isn’t there by continuing to wear the same old clothes. Likewise, don’t decide in a fit of despondency (see 1) that you will never look good again and therefore lose interest in dressing yourself well or grooming. Other badges of age may be starting to show, too. Don’t fret over them.
That’s my advise in a nutshell. Not all of it may apply to you, and even if it does, it may not be good, but I hope it helps.
Here is my take…lot’s of other people have made some really valid points above. But I’ll add…
I am 36 and occasionally date a guy a few yers younger but most run up to 10 years older so that would defnitely encompass the early 40s you mention. Sure most guys by that age are divorced but if a guy h adn’t been married I wouldn’t i mmediately disqualify him. I would hope that he had been in at least one or two serious relationships in his life. If not, I’d be concerned he might be a player or some kind of commitment phobe.
No it isn’t about the kind of toys he has or car he drives at all. It is about how he respects me and himself. The way he takes care of himself shows a lot. If I get into a serious relationship, I want a man who is going to be around to share the years with me so taking care of his health is a plus.
I have kids already…not particularly looking for a new step dad. But someone who understands that they have to share my time and attention with them is important. A man can’t be too demanding and high maintenance. I’m not as available to be “on call” at his beck and call as a 20 year old, I have other obligations.
Those are just a few additions that came to my mind.
There’s definitely a frustrated kid in me who wants to give the kind of support he didn’t get in childhood.