Lately, I broke up with a girl I’d been dating for 4 years. So now, I’m hitting the circuit again, looking for dates. For the record, I’m in my mid-twenties, and been told I’m attractive.
Now there’s a couple of ways I can go about this I think:
1. Asking random girls out.
Example: Walk up to the hot redhead over there by the magazines, and try to strike up a conversation.
2. Ask out girls I currently know, meet through friends, online dating, etc.
Example: Ask out Suzy, the new cute girl in accounting who I’ve talked with a couple times.
Basically, the distinction is “people you’ve never seen before vs. those whom you already know”.
I’m much better asking girls out who I know beforehand. I think it’s because I can play the scenerio through in my head beforehand, which gives me confidence when asking them out.
I have trouble asking unknown girls out in “normal” social situations: at the bookstore, grocery store, mall. I don’t know who I’m asking out! I mean, I see that she’s good looking, but other than that I’m really taking a chance on a lot of factors which I’m not getting any exposure to, such as intelligence or sociability. Not to mention she doesn’t know who she’s being asked out by - for all she know’s I could be an escaped convict asking her out to dinner - I feel like I’m threatening them!
Also it probably doesn’t help that I’m painfully shy on asking girls out who I don’t know! I keep trying though, and it’s uncomforable. When I ask “random” girls out on dates, I feel like I’m bending the space/time continuum…as if I’m rupturing the smoothly-operating, cold social fabric of modern America…
“I know you don’t know me, and I don’t know you, and I see you’re in a hurry, but wanna get dinner sometime?!”
Ok, well that’s not exactly what I say. [I\]It’s only what I feel like I’m having to say.*
So I try to subscribe to the “get to know you first through other means, see if we click, then ask you out” approach. This works much better for me. At least my success ratio is much higher.
Problem is, I don’t have a very robust social circle - all my college friends went their seperate ways over the past couple of years. And the friends I do have are married and don’t ever go out. And I’m not about to go to a bar or club alone to find that certain someone.
I know, I know, I need to make new friends. But work has me tied up a lot of the time. Also, there’s only 3 other people I work with - no propects of any friends/dates there!
First of all, which way did you meet your SO; and, which way is, in YHO best in finding a mate?
Second, do girls appreciate being asked out (tastefully) during the course of everyday life - or is it a hassle to you?
I know that a lot of what I’ve said sounds whiny and/or riddled with excuses, but that’s not the point! I know what I have to do, and I’m willing to change my ways and thinking. But I think I need a strategy first, or at least a starting point. That’s where your advice comes in.
Thanks dopers!