Dated the ex of one of my best friends … (I was just 19 and thought I was madly in love with him) … she ended up hating me and he ended up dumping me. I very quickly learned that a good friend is MUCH harder to find than a horny man is, and swore I’d never do it again.
Saw a guy for a short time (but it was a very intense, emotional relationship) … he ended things, and shortly thereafter, started seeing the ONE person I’d confided in about the whole sordid mess. They didn’t sleep together but spent a lot of time going out, having coffee, talking etc … It really hurt me, and for months it affected my friendship with her, and I’m still jealous of the intimacy they share, because I miss him as a person. I feel somewhat betrayed by my friend, but I care enough about her to trust her, and to try to ignore their coziness.
Unless you are absolutely truly in love with this girl, I would say stay away - it’s just not worth it.
There are my two cents (Canadian, so I guess it’s one cent U.S.).
Who the hell really cares if you put the forks on the left or the right? Sean is not just an ex-byfriend, he is a friend. This is called ‘playing nice’.
See above. (I don’t want them necking in front of me, either.)
How the hell do you ‘blantantly lie’ by NOT saying something? Besides, would you want your friend and ex-sweetie discussing you?
go for it. But you have been warned by yours truely dopers…If, most likely, your friendship with the guy gets into rocky road, be ready to know that you’ll never get the same friendship you have now back.
I have 2 different experiences, one good, and one bad. As a result of spending a lot of time with my friends and their boyfriends, we usually become good friends. And when they break up, we stay friends. And somehow I always end up sleeping with my guy friends.
One night, my friend since middle school’s ex and I ended up together. A few nights later, we did it again. I went back to Boston, he stayed in Florida, end of story. I told her, because I thought she deserved to know, and we haven’t talked since. It absolutely crushed her.
Two years later, I end up with a different ex of a different friend. We hook up, I tell her about it, she made a joke of it. We’re still friends.
There’s not a textbook, standard answer for this. Talk to your boy, find out how he feels about it. If you think it might screw things up, don’t do it
Sorry, but what kind of high school rule is “don’t date anybody who a friend has ever dated?!?”
Tha sounds kind of childish to me, but that’s just my opinion.
I began dating my now husband after he broke up with a girl I knew. She then informed me that it was “against the rules” to date someone that a friend had dated first. I had never heard of this rule and told her I thought it was silly. My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and the girl is still a friend.
I have dated several guys who I met through friends, some of whom were ex-boyfriends of said friends. The key word is “ex-boyfriend!” The “ex” implies that the relationship is no longer active. If that is true, then there is no reason that the person should be somehow off limits or have “dating cooties.”
“Grown-up” or “high-school” or not, I don’t see what’s wrong with wanting to be as considerate as possible to a person you care about. I commend you for that, peri.
No, there is no “rule” that you have to tell Sean, and there is no law that says he has any “right” to veto who she dates. I can recite a whole litany of things that aren’t rules, guidelines, policies, or mores, and I can wear out my quotation-mark key doing it. Yes, all of you who scorn his concern are all technically right.
The point is, it can be awkward, even if common sense or fairness said it shouldn’t be. Sometimes it goes great, and that’s fine. My sister married her ex’s brother. Not FRIEND, even, I’m saying BROTHER! But sometimes there are hurt feelings, or mixed feelings. It can be a little awkward, or it can be damned ugly.
I’ve been on all three sides of it, sometimes more than once: I’ve dated the friend of an ex. I’ve had a friend date my ex. I’ve dated a friend’s ex. Based on the sum of those experiences (some of which I admit turned out just fine), I wouldn’t do it again.
It’s a joke, kind of, but among my friends we follow this one. If I’m going to hook up with an ex of a friend, then I ask, and since I asked he has to say yes. It’s much better than having the friend find out some other way. If it really is a big deal to the friend, then I won’t go for it, but by asking me not to he is in violation of the code and will no longer get the newsletter or be allowed into any of the meetings. Keep in mind that, like the Pirate code, these things are guidelines more than laws.
If you think that’s true, stay the hell away from her.
I think if it were me, I might mention it casually to my friend that I was thinking of going out with her ex to see what her reaction was…if it was bad then I would just drop it.
If teh friend didn’t care I would make sure when we went out, that it wasn’t about my friend. That we didn;t; go places where we were going to run inot the “old gang” and that we wouldn’t be seen by old friends, and that the conversation wasn’t about the ex…if you are dating me, then date me, not just to make someone else jealous…ya know?
