When I was younger, once in a while my friends and I would date each others ex-boyfriends (not all of them, of course). We didn’t think anything of it…we figured “why not? I’m not dating him anymore.”
Now, as I talk to younger girls, a lot tell me that they now hate their best friend because she was dating her ex. Now, the girl didn’t cause the break-up…a couple years could go by since the break-up. And they all end up hating their friend.
I would ask what the big deal was and they would just say, “Don’t you get it? She’s dating my ex!” No, I don’t get it. They didn’t break up because he was abusive or something…it was usually because it just wasn’t working out. If the girl didn’t cause the break-up, what’s the big deal? Was my group of friends an exception?
MaryAnn
Sometimes life is so great you just gotta muss up your hair and quack like a duck!
I have a friend who’s ex-wife is married to his best friend. Everyone gets along great now was a nightmare before the divorce. I think this is probably a generational thing. You didn’t say how old you are my friend is in his late 30’s.
The american people are very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity.—Will Rogers
Might not be just a generational thing. I’m only thirty (OK maybe 30 is old) but I grew up in a small town and my graduating class was 35 people. In other words if you held a grudge about someone dating your ex you would be pretty much mad at everyone long before you ever got your diploma. The size of the available dating pool might be a contributing factor.
This theory held true in my circle of friends… for the fairer sex. Curiously, I didn’t mind if my ex-girlfriends dated my buddies. Most held the same view. As long as you didn’t 'cause the break up, i.e. his seeing your girlfriend behind your back, everything was jake.
In fact, you could find out from her ex what pissed her off so you could avoid it. Also it seemed, you never wanted to be the first to date a beautiful “new” girl 'cause you knew eventually you’d piss her off, and your best friend would learn from your mistake and end up taking her to the prom! Ah, the foibles of youth.
The cause of the breakup would have to be a major factor in my decision. If things wern’t working out and it was mutual I would have no problem with it.
But if it was on bad terms then a lot of people might expect you to take sides (mine enemy is yours). When I was put in this situation, once, it was bad news all around almost lost two good friends. Now if a breakup is comming I let both parties know in no uncertine terms. You are both my friends and I am not taking sides! and your EX, my friend is not subject to any verbal bashing in my presence.
The american people are very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity.—Will Rogers
I tried that once. Im a guy, the person dated was a girl. My friend said he was done with her, she said she was done with him. So, it seemed okay. Well, it wasn’t. Once he found out, he wasn’t clean of her after all.
That’s nothing. What about those who date their brother or sister’s ex? Boy, that is one I sure won’t try.
We in the gay community do notice a tendency to become a bit… incestuous. My best friend J. and I have slept with each other, but also with SM, SR, and R, whom my ex A also slept with. Lea Delaria also reports that sequential girlfriends are “a lesbian tradition”. Toodles.
Personally, it doesn’t bother me. However, I do have ONE exception. I dated the same guy for about 4 years, most of that through college. I used to cheat on him and be a general bitch, but for some reason he stayed around. I used to tell my friends, please don’t let me marry Jason. Meaning, we’d been together for so long, had all the same friends, it was the next “logical” step after college. Any way, I moved to another state after college just to get away. One of my best friends “eased his pain” and ended up marrying him. While I don’t mind that (I’m happily married myself), I just don’t like the fact that my old friend told my ex all the crappy things I did behind his back. Especially when she always encouraged me to cheat, so that she could meet more guys too! Oh well, I don’t stay up at night thinking about it or anything, but it does bother me none-the-less.
