It’s not going to be less daunting when one of you is ill, or hospitalized, or in need of a lot of care. The problem with waiting, ‘till necessary’, for these decisions is sometimes that means you’ll be addressing it when you’re under enormous stress. Another thing to consider is, if you wait, ‘till necessary’, it could also mean it will all fall to one of the partners to handle alone.
Something to think about!
Talk to your kids - see which - if any - REALLY want you near them. Weigh against which of them YOU really want to be nearest. Any grandkids you want to be near or avoid? Which kid’s company do you enjoy the most? Which city/area/climate do you like the best.
Honestly decide how you want to spend whatever time you have left. If you want to spend it in your house, then do so. Just acknowledge that that choice of yours reduces the time you’ll spend with your family. Do you care if you see more of your kids? Oh - and about that 3 hrs in the airport for 1/2 hr flight: you do realize that at 3.5 hours, you’re still well ahead of the time spent to drive/train/bus 300 miles…
Then, if everything adds up to moving, just do it. Your house, and most everything in it, is just stuff. You have no one else to blame if you choose to be held captive by the past. Just decide what you REALLY are going to want for however many years you have left, and dump the rest. Ask your kids in and decide upon some way for them to divvy things up in a manner that won’t cause strife. Then either hire a firm to conduct an estate sale, or donate it.
Sorry it sounds daunting, but it really isn’t, IF you decide that your life has progressed to a different stage, such that what worked well in the past isn’t necessarily what will work best for you in the future.
Good luck!
My neighbors who had lived in the same house for nearly 50 years, and after much pleading by family and friends, moved into a retirement community last year. They now say they wished they had done so much earlier.
I realize that it may sound unusual, but we really do love and like them all and would like to be near them all. We think our grandchildren are all amazing too. We would probably choose to live near our daughter in NY, just because we both love and are familar with NY. But our DIL in Boston is a family physician and is raring to help us wend our way through the medical system, while our son in Seattle points out how mild their winters are. But there are disadvantages to each. I will say that if Trump should be elected, we stay right here in sanity.
As an aging parent, I try to live by the motto “Live long enough to be a burden to your children”.
Don’t forget the bumper sticker on the back of the motorhome: “We’re spending our children’s inheritance.” 
Sounds like my parents (see post #5 upthread). The biggest problems happen if he doesn’t die - if he breaks a hip, or his back, or suffers a traumatic brain injury. Have you communicated to him that his falling from a ladder could very well place a massive burden on his wife and on you?
My parents will be moving into a retirement community very soon. My dad has been very reluctant, resisting pressure from my mom for probably a year or so, but he has finally seen the writing on the wall and admitted it’s time. For him it’s not so much about history - they’ve only been at their present location for about five years - but their house is big and nicely appointed, and he likes their private backyard with a view of the mountains, where he can sit in his chair and just rest (Parkinsons makes him dog-tired most of the time). The retirement community where they’re headed is nice as RCs go, but nothing like their house; all of those nice aspects will disappear when they make the move.
Finally, Mom has said she’s not afraid of dying, but I gather my dad has some trepidation about it; I suspect this move feels to him a bit like putting one foot in the grave.
I’d like to see a study of old folks who made the move, comparing those who regret the move to those who wish they’d done it before.
My dad lived in the same house for 70 years. They moved to assisted living, and both dropped dead w/in 3 months.
My MIL fought against moving from her condo for years - mainly because she wanted to keep smoking (despite being on O2 24/7 :rolleyes:) Didn’t take long for her to realize she was happier and more comfortable in the assisted living.
I think a key factor would be for friends and relatives to stop enabling them living in homes they can no longer care for.
There aren’t really any simple answers here.
The problem I’m having is that one of my elderly parents (my father) has advanced Alzheimer’s and has passed the point where he’s a danger to himself and others. There have been a number of escalating “incidents” for the past eighteen or so months, including such gems as aggressive peeing (he’s taken to whipping it out and peeing on the carpet in the living room if he’s mad my mom won’t hop to fast enough to help him find the bathroom - even if he hasn’t told her he’d like to use the bathroom) and the throwing of rocks at people (my mom as well as random passing strangers) and multiple instances of him throwing dining room chairs through the dining room windows in an attempt to escape from the house.
My mother - at her own determined insistence - has been his sole caretaker since his diagnosis over a decade ago. She hasn’t even had respite care in (unless one of my siblings and I or some other relative happened to be visiting) because strangers agitate him. She refuses, point blank, to consider residential care for him. She doesn’t want him sedated 24/7, and contends he will get better care from her at home (in which position she has some legitimate arguments in her favor). She also refuses to consider the detrimental effect of being his full time, 24/7 caretaker on her own mental and physical health as a drawback that counts. She won’t even consider moving to a city where one of their offspring currently lives so we’d be closer to hand (I’m the closest at approximately 3 hours’ drive away).
She’s sane, competent to make her own decisions, and his legal guardian. Just because I disagree with her analysis and conclusions doesn’t give me (or my siblings) grounds to intervene. All we can do is call her (we have a call rotation to make sure she talks to one of us every goddamn day) and as respectfully as possible offer options.
It is brutal.
This is a bit of a zombie, but I’ll share my story.
My mother is 93. Lives at home alone. Her medical problems are ALL OF THEM.
I live with my dear Wife 100 miles away. I take my mom to her doc appointments and stuff. Buy her her food.
I’m a programmer for county government. Been working at home for 2+ years. Works out great.
Work is fine with me working from anywhere. I just can’t work from my mom’s house though. I need my space, and would be constantly assisting my mom. I have rented office space one mile from my mothers house.
I can sleep and bathe at my moms but will have my own space where I can get work done. And I can be closer more often. 100 miles each way is a bit of a drag. Now it will only be one mile.
My Wife is on board with this. I have to be very carfull about weather conditions at our home though. While my Wife is very capable (five IronMan races) she really can’t run our plow truck. Plowing scares me, and I’ve been doing our driveway for thirty years. The one time I hired a guy, I had to pull him out four times.
Many, many of us are dealing with this. Many can’t, or would never be allowed. So I’ll pull my optimism card and say I’m lucky.
It’s gonna be kinda weird though. Expensive too.