((((DoperChic)))) I’m really sorry. Take good care of yourself, and I mean that emotionally as well. Let yourself mourn all that you need to. Get lots of rest. Be sure you communicate what you’re feeling clearly to your husband; fathers do tend to approach pregnancy differently and he may not be aware of the impact on you. Give him the chance to comfort you. Be good to yourself.
Unfortunately, unless you’ve experienced it personally, it is difficult to understand the depth of feeling and attachment a woman can experience even at a very, very early stage. I’ve had several “blighted ovum” pregnancies. Like you, the sac never fully formed and wasn’t viable. But it’s not like you know that from the start, you just know you’re pregnant and there’s a new life, your baby, growing.
It sounds like you have a great husband, wonderful daughter and family support. But if you find yourself having difficulty coping and coming to terms with your loss, and it IS a loss, please don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor or a counselor or a friend who’s “been there” who can help you through it.
The doctors told me these things just happen and there was no reason that I couldn’t get pregnant again. I have three healthy children to attest to the truth of that statement! I love them all dearly, and I loved the two that never came to be, too.
Thoughts and prayers for healing on all levels.
I’m so sorry. Like Salem mentioned, it sounds like a blighted ovum. 
I had no side effects from the methtrexate shot and hope you don’t either. Please take some time for yourself to grieve. I fully understand what you mean by the baby being more then a clump of cells to you. You’d maybe already started picturing the baby in your arms and thinking about names - something along those lines. It’s so hard to have those grand dreams broken. But, it really does get better. Honestly. It will be ok. Use this time to focus on yourself and recovering.
Please keep us posted, and remember that you can always contact me (and probably any of the other ladies who have gone through this) if you have any questions or need to vent.
I am so sorry. Give yourself time to mourn.
I wish I could help. Take care of y’self and let your husband take care of you.
Sending good thoughts and mojo your way!
When I miscarried, it was heavy bleeding all of a sudden with cramps. It didn’t start spotty, then get heavy.
Miscarriage is hard. If you need someone to talk to, let me know. I’m still trying to deal with mine from a few months ago. It gets easier over time, I promise. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, though.
Oh, damn. I’m really sorry. I hope things will be better soon.
{{{{DoperChick}}}}
I know what it is to lose a baby, (three in my case) and to have those around you not get it. All I can really say is that your feelings are real, and deserve to be honored.
The thought that helped me was that perhaps these little souls just droppped in to Earth in order to find out what it feels like to be loved. Perhaps they had no other lessons to learn here, and so basked in our love for a short time and then moved on. I have never stopped loving them, even though I never got to “meet” them.
I don’t have any great wisdom or a similar experience to share. Just support and positive thoughts for you. Take comfort wherever you can find it. Dopers have helped me through an assortment of tough times.
Shit. I think I just fucked up, possibly big time.
My sister in law is about 12 weeks pregnant with her first baby. She just sent me a text saying how sorry she is, wishing me well, etc. I replied back saying thank you, that I’m still so happy for her, and I don’t want to let this get between us.
My husband saw the texts and thinks I was really wrong for what I sent. My reply was written through tears and in an emotional hormonal fog. I really hope I didn’t make her feel bad as that wasn’t my intent at all.
I just tried to call her when I remembered that she is working until around 7. Now I feel even worse if I upset her while she was at work. She hasn’t replied to my text. I’m going to try calling her again a little after 7 to see if I can smooth things over if need be.
Damn it. I tried to do something good but I think it came out all horribly wrong. Yet another layer of shit has been added onto an already miserable day, this time possibly by me.
My cramps are getting worse again with me upset. I was just starting to feel a teeny tiny bit better.
Oh dear, I’m so sorry. Hugs to you.
Unless your sister-in-law is crazy and unreasonable, I’m sure she’ll understand your meaning and it won’t cause any problems. She may even have hesitated before sending you a message, wondering whether the fact that she’s pregnant would hurt you even when she’s expressing such a kind sentiment. Text messaging is such an awkward way to communicate when you want to say something serious or emotional.
I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope you feel better soon!
I don’t think you were wrong to tell your pregnant sister in law that you’re happy about her pregnancy even though yours isn’t working out. I think maybe your husband misunderstood you. Take care and be easy on yourself.
I’m so sorry. There is really nothing that makes it better. I’ve been there too.
Please don’t worry about your SIL. I’m sure she understands what you meant. I think it was amazingly considerate of you to send the message.
I’m so sorry. I think what you said was fine too.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I hope you recover quickly and uneventfully from this.
Thanks, all. I’m such an emotional, hormonal, pain-med induced mess still that I really don’t know what’s appropriate.
I sent her another text message saying basically that I hoped my earlier text didn’t come out wrong. She sent one back a few minutes later saying of course she understood what I meant and a bunch of other really sweet kind words.
I would have called her but I was so afraid I’d wind up crying and I’m just not ready for that now. Plus I didn’t want to lay that on her.
So crisis averted.
My daughter was out most of the day at my in-laws’ house. When she finally came home this evening she was just as sweet as could be. I was nearly overwhelmed with hugs, kisses, rubs, and sweet comments. She’s only 4 and way too young to really understand what’s going on. She only knows that Mommy is sick and a little sad so she is doing everything she can to help me feel better. I am truly blessed and oh so grateful to have her by my side through this.
That’s totally understandable - and under the circumstances not at all unusual.
Stop worry so much about everyone else and take care of yourself. Right now, things actually do need to be all about you for a bit. I mean, your four year old daughter figured that out all on her own, right? It’s time for mommy to be taken care of.
What’s appropriate right now is giving yourself some slack and letting your body recover from, as you put it, the emotional, hormonal, and med-induced stress.
{{{{hugs}}}}
So sorry to hear that it’s a loss.
I still think about my 9-week miscarriage as a lost baby, too. Not a clump of cells. You are not alone, there. A friend of mine, who’d also suffered through two miscarriages, suggested that I might find it easier to grieve if I gave the baby a name, which I did. It did seem to help a little.
A heating pad and my favorite fuzzy blanket helped a little bit too. I remember feeling chilly and cold a lot during the actual miscarriage event.
Take care of yourself. Here’s hoping it’ll be quick with no complications.