Dealing with imposter syndrome

In My Humble Opinion
1

I recently diagnosed myself with a bad case of imposter syndrome and would like some advice for coping.

This is a weird thing for me to even admit to, because I’ve always considered myself very a confident, self-assured person. Perhaps my assessment of my abilities has not always been accurate, but healthy and positive, yes. I’m normally not prone to the negative self-talk that is commonly expressed by fear-of-failure types. The kind of talk that keeps people from taking risks or stepping out of their comfort zones. And I’ve never been one who seeks external validation. I consider myself a driven person but not a particularly ambitious one.

In the last year, my self-image has become less healthy. Ive lost the confidence that I used to have. Two events paradoxically precipitated this change. This spring, seemingly out of the blue, I was asked to do a high-profile detail in the executive suite for a month. And then a few months later, after returning to my regular duties, I was unexpectedly promoted to a highly competitive rank, beating out a dozen others who’ve been in a lot longer than me who have been waiting years for the opportunity.

These two things were major mind-benders. The last one especially, since it’s altered my status permanently and visibly. My responsibilities in the oganziation haven’t changed remarkably since the promotion, but I’m now seen as much more senior and authoritative.

I should be strutting the halls with my chest puffed out, right? But I find myself feeling very self-conscious and doubtful. People talk up my achievements and skills, and inside I’m thinking that I’m not all that. They point to my promotion as proof that I’m brilliant, but I attribute it all to luck and timing, and maybe a knack for selling myself on paper. I got a near perfect performance rating this year, and instead of feeling proud, I see it as more evidence that my boss is a spineless, incompetent manager. When I speak in meetings, I worry that I’m not making any sense or saying Captain Obvious shit, and these thoughts cause me to stop being as assertive as I should, because then everyone will see me as the fraud I am, right? When others seek me out for advice on how they too can rise though the ranks, I dont know what to tell them. Somehow my reputation is great, and I don’t know why? They all must be drinking the Kool-Aid.

Now that I’m reading more about Imposter Syndrome, I at least understand how my mental settings are causing this problem. Because I’ve never been one who gets much from external validation, it doesn’t matter how many accolades I get, they will all be rejected. The same predisposition that served me well as a kid by protecting my ego from taunts and insults is hurting me now by not allowing me to internalize the kudos that are raining down on me. Realizing this hit me like an epiphany.

The question now is how do I get out of my negative thought patterns. Is this a condition that is likely to undo itself over time, as the novelty of my promotion wears off? Or do I need to actively reprogram myself? I don’t like the self-deprecating way I’m probably coming across to others, because I know that makes me look weak and insecure.

2

Maybe you should view these feeling as a positive thing rather than a negative thing. I relate to exactly what you are talking about. On the things that I have excelled in durring my life I was also keenly aware of how much I did not know. I have almost felt like a fraud at times for being given such recognition even though I knew down deep that as weak as I did consider myself I knew I was still stronger than my competitors. I think what you consider t be a problem is closer to being a humble person. That leaves you in a teachable open minded state, something to be admired.

3

Want some completely amateur worth what you paid for it advice? Sure you do!

IMHO, I don’t think it’ll ever go away completely, but maybe it shouldn’t. Luck and circumstances DO play a role in who gets promoted. You AREN’T exactly the image you project. But that’s true of everyone. You have to learn to accept that - not let it be a source of anxiety.

You can arm yourself by double checking your work - making sure you don’t start triple checking everything. Researching stuff you think you don’t get and/or doing continued education.

4

I think some of what you describe is both normal and healthy especially when you are in a new and higher role. I had it too when I suddenly got hired into a critical position just based on an emergency situation and an internet resume. My resume was accurate based on my viewpoint but the people hiring me had higher expectations and I had to work hard and quickly to cover their expectations. It didn’t help that the reason I was hired was because the position was vacant and I had no one to train me because everyone they had thrown at it in the previous 5 years either got fired or quit.

For a comparison, imagine someone that puts up a resume saying that they are a pretty good line cook suddenly being thrown into an executive chef position with no warning. That is basically what happened but the good news is that was 6 years ago and I really am the equivalent of a good executive chef now metaphorically speaking. I don’t think you are expected to be the master of any new, complex position until you have time to learn it and that can take multiple years.

I have also learned that having an excess of confidence can be a problem too. I have a coworker that recently got a promotion to “engineer” despite a complete lack of credentials to support that title. He has used his newly found “authority” to launch a tyrannical campaign that would make Napoleon blush. What he lacks in knowledge and experience, he makes up for in pure, unbridled hubris. Luckily, we have managers with a backbone that have already let him know that he is on a stay of execution until he changes his overconfident style and learns to listen to people that know much more than he even realizes exists. Overconfidence can be both a tool of good AND evil. A good understanding of your strengths and weaknesses is the most important thing because everyone has a mix of both.

In summary, I think most of what you describe is normal and even healthy. You shouldn’t be too confident or expect to know everything about your new position for at least a year. If that weren’t the case, it wouldn’t be a significant promotion or challenge at all. I also don’t think excessive confidence is a good thing in general. I was just looking at my own performance review a few minutes ago. I got a 2 out of 5 with 1 being the highest and I barely missed the 1. I was actually relieved to see that because, even though a 1 comes with a much larger bonus, I know that I made enough mistakes to make me uncomfortable being part of that rarefied category. Being competent, consistent, and ever-learning is much more important to me than ever being the superstar.

5

Fake it til you make it. Remember, most of what people perceive about you is just that - perception. So portray confidence and competence!

Make sure you don’t fake TOO much, though - ask for help when you need it, and don’t cover up any mistakes.

My strategy in meetings was to come up with one extremely detailed comment or question, and then stay mostly quiet. This lets those around you know you are picking up on the minutiae, and allows you to concentrate on listening and/or taking notes. Most people talk too much in meetings, IMHO :slight_smile:

6

I thought this was going to be about Capgras’ Delusion…

7

Today is the Day They Found Out You’re a Fraud
I thought I had Imposter Syndrome my first year of grad school. Then my advisor said my paper was so poorly written that at times he didn’t know what language I wrote it in.

So yeah, I don’t think it’s Imposter Syndrome anymore, which is nice.

8

For most of us, we go through Imposter Syndrome early in our careers. It hit me when I was doing my post-doc. My grad advisor had done a good job of making me feel like I was super intelligent. But my post-doc PI made me feel like I was just one step above profoundly retarded.

Then I got into the “real world”, where nerdy intelligence is overrated and other skills prevail.

At first I thought people were just blowing smoke up my skirt when they paid me compliments. Maybe they felt bad for me–the little minority girl trying to make it in science–and they were just trying to be nice. But do people really do this? Have I ever told someone they were smart when secretly I thought they were stupid? No, not unless they’re desperately fishing for that kind of assurance and I don’t want them to be sad.

You aren’t the type to fish for compliments, so why do you think people are telling you that you’re brilliant? You may not be objectively brilliant, but you likely are brilliant compared to them. That may not be that impressive to you, but it does say something about how important you are to your organization.

A few years ago I realized that “smart enough” is just as good as “smart”. I used to think I had to be an uber genius to be a good scientist. Nope. You just have to be somewhat intelligent and be able to present yourself in an intelligent way. It sounds very hokey, but telling myself “I’m smart enough!” over and over has helped me silence the self-doubt.

If you’re able to convince the people around you that you are smart, then you are smart enough. Maybe you shouldn’t trust your colleagues’ assessment because they have shown how idiotic they are. But it seems to me that if you can see how idiotic they are, surely that means you are indeed smarter than they are, right? And if you are smarter than they are, then doesn’t that mean–at the very least–you can do no WORSE than what they are doing? You may not be the best leader EVAH, but you will be a better leader than what they have had in a long time. So make sure your expectations are realistic, and that you aren’t comparing yourself to an ideal that has never and will never exist.

9

No, that is paradoxically incorrect and counterproductive. I have been fortunate enough to work with and know many extremely successful people including those at the C level for very famous companies. I have also been unfortunate enough to work under much more ineffective people in the lower levels of management and the difference is stark.

The one constant theme that I have noticed is that effective managers, directors and above never flaunt their status and make it a point to celebrate the achievements of those under them. I am lucky enough to work in a small corner of a mega-corp that practices this with excellent results. For example, even the lowest floor worker has a chance to get a night with guests in a posh suite to see the the Patriots or the Celtics and most people get it at least once. Managers cannot blame those under them for failures either because it is their ultimate responsibility. I realize that all companies are run that way but they should be.

The most effective professionals make it clear that their position isn’t a gold star for past performance. Instead, it is a directive to help both the people under them and the organization as a whole do better. Understanding that is the key to being a good manager at any level.

10

Same here!

I can certainly relate to the OP in some sense – but as a fear-of-failure type I avoid this kind of situation!

11

Any chance you can review someone else’s work in a similar role? Today I started doing an external moderation for someone else’s course at a different institution and all of a sudden my own assessments are looking a lot more laudable than I thought. 40 multi choice questions for a test worth 20 per cent of the final grade? Really?

12

I think it makes sense to feel like an impostor once you are promoted. You are placed in a position where you have zero prior experience, and everyone else in your position has been doing the same job for years. Why would anyone think they would be a perfect fit from day one?

I think being critical of your abilities is helpful to a point. If it helps you improve your skills then good. But if it prevents you from asking for a raise or a promotion because you do not think all that praise is accurate, then that’s not so good.

13

My responsibilities actually haven’t changed that much since my promotion. Without getting too much into details, in my organization it is possible to move up in rank and yet do essentially the same job you were doing before. This usually occurs when the job you’re doing is actually something a more senior person is qualified to do. So technically at least, my rank has simply caught up with my job.

It doesn’t feel that way to me, though. I’m glad to see that my feelings aren’t all that unusual. But I have to admit they don’t feel healthy to me. There doesn’t seem to be much good in feeling self-conscious and picking myself apart every time I misspeak. Or feeling so apologetic and guilty and cynical.

I think what needs to happen is for me to start accomplishing things like a rock star again. Ironically, the promotion and the detail occurred at a time when I’ve been at my least productive, and I think this disconnect is adding to the WTFness? of it all.

14

I look at my boss’s work all the time and it’s obvious to me that I’m better than her. But this doesn’t uplift my assessment of myself because my estimation of her is so low. (I’m seriously amazed that she can do basic things like drive without getting in fatal car wrecks.)

I think monstro hit on something meaningful when she posted this:

I don’t think comparing myself to others is the problem. This is something that I’ve never been in the habit of doing, for the same reason I’ve never been one to seek praise and approval from others. I do think I have an ideal in my head, one that I don’t come anywhere close to, and that’s why I feel so fraudulent.

15

Ah, yes - the Fraud Police. I hate it when they come tap me on the shoulder and tell me I don’t belong.

Stepping into new expectations - even if the role hasn’t changed much - can take a while to wrap your head around. When you feel like your decisions and presence are more visible within your company, it is easy to slip into a cycle of too-high expectations, huge second-guessing of decisions and how you feel you are being perceived, etc.

One suggestion: set near-term goals for yourself. For the work you do - e.g., if your job hasn’t changed much, and you are getting it done, you certainly have some data which can work against the Fraud Police. Also, you might consider setting goals with regards to your presence: Can you ask your supervisor how they are reading you and if your Executive Presence is effective? If you are getting clear feedback that you are doing well, you have another piece of anti-FP data.

Thinking out loud here.

16

Is there anyone in your profession that you respect? The trouble for me with incompetent people giving me advice is that I tend to ignore their praise and take their criticism too seriously.

I’ve learned to ignore criticism from people who do not know me or who I do not think are decent or smart people. And I think the same logic should apply to praise. You can seek out people who you think are not frauds and see what they think about you.