Seriously … do you frequent biker bars or something? The best way to avoid these situations is don’t go to places where lots of people act like juvenile jackasses.
stares heavily at the OP
[quote=“Gateway, post:1, topic:684506”]
I never really understood this. Why is it emasculating that a complete stranger essentially challenges you to something, in this case staring, and you choose to decline… so what? Some perfect stranger has the better of you in an utterly meaningless contest? Chances are, he’ll completely forget about it in a few minutes. Worst case, he goes to the bar later and talks about how he totally owned this random guy in the line at Chipotle and he totally looked away. Score!
Seriously, ask yourself, what exactly are you losing here?
Strongly disadvised. Sure, it’s highly unlikely to escalate, but sometimes there’s people who are just itching to start something. If someone declines the challenge of the stare, he no longer has an excuse to start something. Otherwise, if he’s all “alpha” or whatever, he might take it as a challenge to his manhood and decide to start something for it. Even if you did think you could take some random dude in a fight, it’s just not worth it.
Just look away, and if you REALLY feel so ashamed about doing so obviously, then come up with some excuse like looking at your phone or whatever.
This is just one of those things about manhood that seems to have a strong tie with the whole “alpha” mentality, and gets strongly associated with athletics, the gym, drinking, whatever. Despite that I have been involved a fair amount in athletics and the gym, I still don’t understand this stuff, and very rarely see it myself. Quite frankly, I don’t even see how “losing” a staring contest constitutes “handing people my balls.”
It’s like Marty McFly, always having the smart reaction of turning away from a fight, but then gets egged on when he’s called chicken. It takes him three whole films to get over it and it changes his future. As far as I’m concerned, my “balls” aren’t about answering to ill-advised challenges; to me, being a man means having the balls to let someone else think they won, and I can spend my energy worrying about stuff that actually matters. It’s almost always posturing and insecurity, but it’s just not worth calling the bluff, because my manhood doesn’t depend one iota on what someone I don’t know thinks of me.
By not staring back - by casually shifting my gaze elsewhere - I classify the starer as “not a threat”, and therefore not worthy of my interest. That way, I end up holding *his *balls.
Um… metaphorically speaking.
This. Right here. Maybe it is an age thing but I just don’t care. When I was younger, maybe I’d feel my masculinity is being challenged. Now, I just chuckle a bit and move on. That bald chimp (awesome Broomstick!) who feels the need to do this is either a.) young and dumb and/or b.) pretty much a loser in the grand scheme of things. I own a home. I contribute to my neighborhood’s improvement. I have a loving wife. I have a job that compensates me pretty well and is satisfying. I have amazing friendships. So really, ignoring that stare doesn’t change my view of my own masculinity in any way. You didn’t dominate me in any way with your angry stare. Escalate it to a confrontation and you’ll find I can in fact defend myself pretty well. (I’m wicked fast dialing the police! Haha)
As for those asking where this happens, I get it regularly in my neighborhood. It is a mixed economic neighborhood and you catch this behavior from a lot of the younger (and even some of the older) black males I encounter. I’m not hip enough but maybe the term is “fronting”. The younger hipsters in our neighborhood don’t do this, they’re too busy being ironic and disinterested in anything beyond how cool they pose at all times. 
The rest of us wave hi, stop and talk with our neighbors, and generally are open and friendly towards each other.
Stare back and bark “What!?”
There’s the intimidation stare down and there’s being smart about your surroundings. Ask yourself what is going on around you on different sides. Did anyone appear suddenly? Is anyone moving closer to you or… circling you?
Smile as best you can, but be aware and be safe.
Simple, don’t. Take them and put them in your wifes purse that you are carrying around for her.
I think you have put too much thought into this. By too much I mean to say “any”. If strangers are walking up to you and challenging you to a fight you need to learn how to deal with it. But staring? This is something to be ignored.
Sort of my feeling, except that there are very, very few testicles in this world that I care about. Similarly, there are very few people whose opinion of my masculinity matters to me, and dumb ornery stranger wanting to pick a fight? Not one of them. I have no desire to have any sort of relationship with a dumb ornery stranger, and so I arrange my life to avoid that outcome. If that means that they think I’m a pussy, they’re welcome to their dumb ornery thoughts.
That’s what I always try to do. It’s really been a long time for me since I’ve been in a situation like this. Anyhow, I usually stare right back - I am very small in stature, but one time my unflinchingness scared the crap out of one guy I met in a bar; he was kind of drunk and I think he expected a different response due to our size difference, and we actually talked a bit after the dust settled - weird I know. Wouldn’t say I would recommend that approach for everyone though - like I said I was much younger then.
Boy, you guys sure do care about each other’s balls a lot. 
Have you considered the possibility that you may be the problem? Seriously, I’ve been told that I make too much eye contact with people and that it intimidates some of the lower ordered folk. Generally I’m just interested in everything that is going on around me and some people interpret that as being too nosy. Yo really can’t know whats going on in other people thoughts, some of them are actually paranoid.
They’re very precious and vulnerable, and they need friendship!
Have you checked a mirror? Maybe you have spinach in your teeth.
OP, where are you and/or what are you doing when this happens? I can’t imagine when or why this would occur.
You all need to watch “Roadhouse” again. ::: sheesh::::
I’ll have you know I watch Roadhouse every morning while I’m doing t’ai chi and smoking Marlboros.
??? I haven’t had this happen to me since high school. um…you are an adult right?
Truthfully, when I read this, I have to think that if this is a common enough occurance to make you this uptight; that I wonder if you might have some issues that could be addressed with some counseling or medication.
I’m guessing your behaviour is causing people to glance your way, and when you catch their eye, you instantly go into “I’m being challenged!, my honor and masculinity is on the line!”
when, all they are really thinking is, ‘what’s up with that guy?’ or even more benign “Lasagna, I think I’ll have Lasagna for dinner.”
Nope. You are completely wrong. Thanks for trying, tho.