Whip your head around and look behind you, and if nothing’s there, turn back and look at him with a “What the hell?” look on your face. Usually they start laughing at that point, so it’s all good.
Similarly, if people on the other side of the room, who you don’t know, are looking at you, smiling and waving, smile and wave back. The looks on their faces are priceless, particularly if you stand up and walk over to them before their friends (behind you) get there.
I tend to do this. I smile and ask “can I help you?” if they’re close enough to approach.
If they’re further away I just stare back and kind of make this :dubious: face, look behind me to see if something’s there. I think it conveys “why are you staring at me?” well enough.
As a rule, if someone decides to intimidate me through aggressive body language - especially invading my personal space - my inclination is to step forward, making bodily contact if it comes to that. So far, that has always resulted in the other person backing down.
How often does this happen? Once a week? Everyday? Once a month? I’ve literally never had this happen to me in at least 30 years. Where are you? I’m in the complacent Midwest, so maybe it’s a regional thing? Are you in the northeast?
Also, I’m pretty much small city suburbia, do you experience this in a different neighborhood or demographic?
A lot of people seem to be wondering what is going on when this sort of thing happens, or where, or if I am doing anything strange. Well, it’s not so much that there is a huge frequency, it’s just here and there. But when it does happen, it can piss me off and be a bit deflating. I never came up with a good response to it so it has been on my mind. I live on the border of a big city and that can bring with it these things. Also I think this happens more for males than females.
As far as if I am doing anything out of the ordinary, I am not sure. Sometimes I sing when walking down the street, or I may not be wearing “normal” clothes, so pretty slovenly… I also have a big red beard so that can bring attention. There is more but I now realize that these things may be the culprit… (Side note: so yes Si Amigo, I may be drawing that sort of attention myself on some level)
[QUOTE=kayaker]
OP, are you in a Stand Your Ground state?
[/QUOTE]
I’m not sure if this is referencing a movie, but I am kinda not into accepting people’s shit at least if there is no reason for them to give me shit. Generally on the inside what I feel is “stand my ground,” but I also think that keeping the peace and choosing your battles are good ideas.
[QUOTE=glee]
Seriously, your difficulty is that you feel bad about looking away.
Once you conquer that, the problem disappears (and you avoid staring contests!)
[/QUOTE]
Good point. I will reflect upon this idea
[QUOTE=Blaster Master]
Why is it emasculating that a complete stranger essentially challenges you to something, in this case staring, and you choose to decline… so what?
…
Seriously, ask yourself, what exactly are you losing here?
[/QUOTE]
I am going to reflect on this.
[QUOTE=Blaster Master]
It’s like Marty McFly, always having the smart reaction of turning away from a fight, but then gets egged on when he’s called chicken. It takes him three whole films to get over it and it changes his future. As far as I’m concerned, my “balls” aren’t about answering to ill-advised challenges; to me, being a man means having the balls to let someone else think they won, and I can spend my energy worrying about stuff that actually matters. It’s almost always posturing and insecurity, but it’s just not worth calling the bluff, because my manhood doesn’t depend one iota on what someone I don’t know thinks of me.
[/QUOTE]
Marty McFly is a great example. I really like this; I’m going to think about it. Perhaps real strength means being able to lose, or at least being able to let it seem like you lost.
[QUOTE=Left Hand of Dorkness]
Similarly, there are very few people whose opinion of my masculinity matters to me…
[/QUOTE]
Nice. Good point
[QUOTE=Alessan]
By not staring back - by casually shifting my gaze elsewhere - I classify the starer as “not a threat”, and therefore not worthy of my interest. That way, I end up holding his balls.
Um… metaphorically speaking.
[/QUOTE]
Good form. Good logic. I will reflect on this.
[QUOTE=Randy Seltzer]
Cheerful smile, maybe a little wave. If they’re close enough perhaps a “good morning!”
[/QUOTE]
Interesting, maybe I will try this.
[QUOTE=Ethilrist]
Whip your head around and look behind you, and if nothing’s there, turn back and look at him with a “What the hell?” look on your face.
[/QUOTE]
I have used this before effectively. If you do this then it makes it way more of a, “you are ACTUALLY trying to stare me down right now” and they may not want to if that motive is brought to light and/or they don’t have a good reason to.
…and Sigene, yes, I am an adult. 25. (By the way, I just saw your newest post. I live in California, USA, in the Bay Area)
“You keep staring at me, you’re going to see me beat the shit out of you.”
Seriously though, that is pretty bizarre that you have a problem with random people engaging you in a stare-down contest. It almost sounds like some form of mental illness that you think these people are trying to emasculate you. I don’t mean that to be insulting. But why would someone you never met want to do something like that?
Although, I am in New York where we make a point NOT to look at other people.
Blow him kisses.
Umm…from Mars?
And, remember to say “I’ll be your huckleberry.”
And, then, let Mr. Uzi do the rest of your communicating for you.
NY ≠ San Jose or Vallejo
In any case, no, it’s not imagination. I actually originally wrote this because my neighbor did this the other day. I asked him about it today and he mentioned “I was wondering who was standing by my window” (I was in the parking garage having a smoke at night, apparently he was sleeping in the apartment right above me). He walked out of his front door, and stares in my direction for about 1 minute straight, and walks back inside.
Most examples aren’t that extreme. I suppose a lot of this is about the casual staring contest one gets into on the street. It’s not always an extreme, hardcore, aggressive stare but could just be losing a “normal” staring contest, when 2 guys make eye contact just walking down the street for example. If you don’t know what a normal staring contest is, you probably live in a small town, are older, (it seems) a female, or you just don’t get out much.
I usually don’t even acknowledge them as I’m armed, and either my knife will disappear or the shell casings they find won’t have fingerprints or DNA on them. They also might have problems finding the pistol.
Naah…I almost always ignore this when it occurs as the person is probably a wimp and all they’ll do IS stare. Or they are deeply disturbed and I don’t need the hassles and the expense of explaining to my attorney why I used early after I’m taken down to the police station.
Who the fuck is stepping to you in San Jose? Some nerds looking for VC funding for their startup?
THEY are deeply disturbed?
You should have some idea of why he is staring at you. If you don’t, find out.
Sounds to me that you have never been to San Jose. You should go sometime.
Besides, notice how I wrote that the stare-DOWNS are rarer, but staring-CONTESTS are a bit natural and happen more often. Not that anyone is trying to step to me.
Well… fine… you might have been to SJ, but you’ve never been to downtown San Jose, or DTSJ at night…
Sorry, I didn’t read the whole thread but what’s the diff between the two? 
ETA: Besides the frequency with which they apparently occur.
It’s okay, this wasn’t gone over in detail.
A staring contest is more of a normal occurrence. Say: two people are walking down the street. You catch and lock eyes. You can feel the pressure, one of you is “supposed” to look away. The longer you stare, the more pressure, and you approach the point of it being aggressive posturing. The one who looks away first is the one who is more “beta” in that moment.
With some guy trying to stare you down (I believe it’s also known as ‘mad-dogging’), it is a more intense version of this. Some guy doesn’t like you for some reason, he wants to intimidate you or prove some sort of superiority. This is an active form of aggression versus casually locking eyes with someone. If you hold his gaze it is possible that this will be taken as meaning you are trying to start something. This denotes the general vibe of what I am talking about.
I’m not staring at them threateningly.
And I don’t share your faith in the innate decency of humanity, I suppose.
Weird. I guess I’ve never been in one of these “staring contests”. Maybe it’s an able-bodied thing? Y’all cra cra.
I have never felt that sort of pressure in my 38 years on this planet as a male. But then I’ve never put much stock in “masculinity” so that may be part of it.
Just ignore it and pretend you could give a fuck.
You are actually winning by showing him you won’t bite.