I gotta ask - why did you make all of those sacrifices for people who care absolutely nothing for you.
It’s been stated clearly: because that’s who she is. A good person who does these things even though she doesn’t have to and they don’t deserve it. She is making this choice for herself as much as for them.
She cares about herself and knows what would keep her from being able to sleep at night b/c it weighed heavy on her.
Go read post #14. Then come back here and apologize to Floaty Gimpy.
Well he’s gone. It was very fast and incredibly peaceful. Over the course of 5 minutes he just breathed less and less till he stopped. There was no writhing or indication of any pain or anything. He just stopped breathing and that was it.
After an hour I called the funeral home and they came and took him. That was surreal. They wrapped him in a shroud, put him on the stretcher and zipped it shut. They placed him in the vehicle and drove away.
We have to go tomorrow to make the arrangements. We’re doing a green burial where his body is placed into the ground in a garden area at the funeral home.
A good death isn’t pretty but it’s also not so scary. This has been a very healing experience for me. Totally unexpected and unlooked for. I think I understand true forgiveness. I always knew that “forgiveness is for you not them blah blah blah” but I never really got it till now.
So we’ll have the burial in a few days and the service will be in two weeks so people have time to make arrangements.
I can’t really describe how I feel. Seeing your dad get zipped up in a body bag is like watching a movie. I’m glad now that he took longer to go than we thought he would. Anyway now I’m just blabbing.
Oh and I am cared about - I’m just not the favourite child. But I don’t do what I do to be nice, I do it because it’s the right thing for me to do. I knew that I would have no regrets about helping take care of dad through his death and that I’d have no regrets for helping mom - and I don’t. On the contrary - I will be eternally grateful to whatever it is that gave me the strength to do it.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I like the way you are showing inner strength and character and that you are the better person.
I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m happy that you’ve been able to find peace.
I am sorry for your loss and glad that going through the effort of taking care of your father through his dying time has helped you heal.
Peace be with you.
What an experience, FloatyGimpy. You have allowed us to witness and share something truly beautiful. To say that now you understand true forgiveness-- I’m speechless except to say thank you and peace be with you.
To quote Stephen King: It’s not the blows you’re dealt in life that matter, it’s the ones you survive.
You’ve survived a year of hell. I had a similar experience when my mother was dying, and I was the only one who didn’t have a family or a job and had to stay with her through her final illness. A she still treated me like crap, complaining about everything I did and bringing up incidences from my past, all to put me in a negative light.
Stay strong.
You are so eloquent in your description of such a painful process. Thank you for letting us be a part of it.
{{{FloatyGimpy}}}
FloatyGimpy, you took a bad situation and made good come out of it. That’s all we can do, and all we need to do. Peace be with all of you.
Regards,
Shodan
We buried him today. We will have a memorial service in a couple of weeks so it was just a small group of us today. Me, mom, brother and some aunts/uncles. We had a green burial so there is no casket and his body went right in the ground. Burying people isn’t something we’ve ever done in my family so it was a first for a lot of us.
Mom and I spent some time with his body before we took him out to the grounds. It seemed fitting for it to just be the 3 of us as we went through it all together.
Then they rolled him out to the grounds and we walked behind. We had a moment of silence and then they lowered him down with ropes. Six feet is deep! It was very jarring to see his body down in the hole. Those of us who wanted to sprinkled some dirt on top and then we left. We decided it would be too much to watch all the dirt get shoveled on to him.
I guess it’s a bit different with a casket rather than watching the dirt go right on top of him.
I’ve included a link to his shrouded body for anyone who’s interested. It is a body but it’s fully covered. I thought it seemed very peaceful.
It’s been an emotional journey and I’m so glad to be on the other side of it with the perspective I have now. I’m so much more at peace.
I’ve been to lots of funerals but never seen a green burial. Fascinating.
It has been quite a journey for you. Thank you for sharing it with us. As time goes by and you have other thoughts, looking back, please return to this thread and share them.
After my husband died, my own journey was far from over at the conclusion of the funeral… I had a series of emotional events, moments, plateaus, etc. over the following few weeks and months. Years, too. Your mom is in a tough place, and will likely experience a range of feelings and reactions.
The Dope is still here for you and we’re listening, so do continue to check in, if you’re inclined to.
Peace be with you and your family.
He died one year ago today. I was very curious if the peace and forgiveness would last or if it was just in the moment due to the circumstances. It definitely lasted so I guess it’s the real deal.
I know, for so many people (myself included), there are always regrets when someone passes away. Something you wish you said or did, or wish they said or did. I feel very blessed to have absolutely zero regrets about his passing. There’s no “unfinished business”, nothing I wish I could have said or done.
The forgiveness is an odd thing. It wasn’t a conscious decision that I made, it just happened. It’s like holding on to the rage just doesn’t serve me anymore. It doesn’t mean that the past didn’t happen, it just doesn’t haunt me anymore. It’s like a thought pops into my head and I think “yeah, that happened. Hmm, what should I make for dinner tonight?”.
So anyway, there’s a little update in case anyone was curious.
Thank you for sharing. The shroud and burial aspect seem very peaceful and natural too.
I came in just now. Thank you for inviting us in to share. Your story has been a gift to me.
I liked the green funeral. I thought the shroud was dignified and graceful, certainly time honored for millennia. I think you chose well.
I’m glad you have no regrets and have peace of mind. That self-acceptance and peace will be with you forever.
I’ll be here to listen along with the rest of us.