Yeah, but at least those of us on that side are actually parents. Kids can be real assholes, but that doesn’t mean they’re psychopathic killers.
ETA: Upon reflection, I didn’t mean to sound so crass, but kids are kids. Mine are entering the teenaged years and they’ve been around other nasty kids. Hell, one in kindergarten wanted to poke the eye out of a horse, with a stick, during a sleigh ride! Fuck?
Telling a kid not to do something is not “kids will be kids”. You can correct a child’s behavior without calling the frigging cops. If I were in the OP’s position, next time I saw the girl, I would say, “Hey, I saw what you wrote. That wasn’t very nice. Can you please not write messages on our sidewalk anymore?” At most, a quick, polite word with the dad next time you see him doing yardwork (a word that doesn’t include a treatise on the OP’s preferred parenting styles). That’s the level of reaction that’s required here. Not a police report.
This sort of call the cops/OMG/she’s probably abused/child services hysteria is the worst sort societal helicopter parenting. Kids will be kids and it’s up to the adults to teach them how to behave in a civilized society. Meanwhile, they make mistakes. Not every mistake has to induce a defcon three reaction from the adults in the vicinity.
Did you even read the OP? Three years of acting out, fighting physically with their daughter, until they spoke to the parents, and limited the interaction between the two children. A different neighbor’s child was hit with a toy bat in the head, and other neighbors have also noticed this problem.
In my opinion, the family has been reasonable, and your examples of a little play and sass from your children are not comparable to this situation.
I’ve got to agree. Kids just do things like this. All it needs is a little “we don’t write things like that on the pavement, now go and clean it off”. If the parents won’t do that then that’s that.
The OP’s daughter doesn’t want to play with the kid anyway, so that’s fine.
The whole thing sounds like a massive over-reaction. The kid’s a bit rough & the parents don’t care, it happens all the time. Just kindly ask the neighbour if they can please wash it off as it’s not very nice. If they don’t, they’re shitty people. Oh well.
Yes, I read the OP. All of the “fighting” incidents happened when the child was 1-3 years in age and that is perfectly within the range of normal for toddlers. Getting hit with the plastic bat isn’t really abnormal either - have you ever seen kids play? Things like that happen. You take the bat away, maybe put the offender in time out or take her home, or show them how to use it more safely (if it was an accident).
I’m not saying that the OP should invite the kid over for a playdate or convince his daughter to be her best friend. I’m not saying that toddlers should be allowed to bite or hit without consequence or that elementary-aged kids should not be corrected when they use inappropriate language or play too roughly. But the overreactions here to what’s normal, run-of-the-mill bad kid behavior are ridiculous.
I’d advise your husband to have stern, assertive and ultimately if needs be, aggressive words with her father. He’d be perfectly justified in doing so; he needs to let this man know that he won’t tolerate a member of the crazy family making things difficult and unpleasant for your family. The girl might be 6 years old, but I have it on reasonable authority that the parents won’t be.
I’m on your side. I’m guessing you’re a parent too.
Yep. Almost 6 and 8.5.
A six-year-old can maliciously set a fire, torment your pets, etc. I’m on the side of calling the police. Not to have the kid hauled away in handcuffs, but maybe to have social services intervene if she needs it.
StG
I can certainly appreciate the “kids will be kids” perspective here. And I’m trying to convince myself of it as much as I can. I certainly understand that some kids are a pain in the ass. Most of the kids my daughter plays with are great kids. There have been a couple that I didn’t care for, but they were clearly normal kids with normal kid issues. This kid next door is different. Something else is going on. I don’t know what exactly it is. But the prospect of living next to her as a teenager continues to make me very nervous.
Perhaps my perspective on this latest incident would be different if I thought there was a chance in hell of a productive conversation with the parents. Any other parent I’ve ever met, this would be an easy conversation. But to watch stuff like this happen and not have any recourse is extraordinarily frustrating.
I am a mom, and I remember what sort of things came up, especially with my huge family and all of our children.
I also worked as a kindergarten teacher for a few years, and took early childhood education in college.
IMO, young parents do not always see that the problems they are justifying and excusing in their child’s present behavior, could become deeper and more problematic for their children in the future.
I have seen that a good lesson is not always learned from a gentle “no, no,” and coddling, but rather from some clear and consistent boundaries.
Yes, of course, kids need “clear and consistent boundaries”. It is a parent’s job to set those boundaries. These parents are probably not going to be teaching any parenting classes any time soon. The question here, though, is what a neighbor who is almost completely uninvolved in this child’s life should do about her misbehavior. Calling the cops or child protective services because a kid is behaving in a not-very-nice-but-not-abnormal-for-a-6!-year-old way is laughable.
Trust your instincts. This girl isn’t a serious problem - yet. But there’s certainly reason to be concerned that as she grows older she may become one, as her parents don’t seem to be either willing or able to deal with her issues. You need to put your own child’s welfare first and foremost. I don’t think I’d bother with involving the police. I do think I’d start looking for another house (preferably in the same school district you’re currently in) if the neighbor girl’s behavior continues to be worrisome.
It sounds like the girl’s behavior has improved over the last couple years and yet you refuse the let her play with your daughter. Maybe her lashing out is directed more at you and not your daughter? Have you ever addressed this problem with her when she comes over? Something like “I’m sorry but we don’t like to let daughter play with you because you hit her.” If not, she probably doesn’t understand why they can’t play together and she thinks you hate her.
IME the police do not give a rat’s ass about stuff like this. If you are concerned trust your instincts and move but don’t expect the police to care or document anything. Several times in several different cities I’ve contacted the police with small things and their response is always that they can’t do anything until it becomes a serious issue. If the little girl tries to stab you then you can call them back but until then they have real criminals to deal with every day. If you are in a very small town they might be willing to work with you on this but if not you need to find a way to deal with this yourself.