That’s a laudable effort to parse the OP and turn it into a coherent debate. I think you’ve identified some of the key issues.
Shame the OP himself was too busy spanking to pictures of his father fucking his sister to make a similarly coherent post.
Another thing to consider is that sometimes, you don’t want to have sex, which involves concerning yourself with the needs and feelings of another person. You just want to have an orgasm. In that sense, I think that porn is, for some men, the equivalent of vibrators for some women. It’s not meant as a substitute for another person. It’s a tool that helps you achieve that end without involving another person.
She may also have been pretty upset that he lied about it. I’ve no problem with boyfriends watching porn; it’s when they lie about it that the relationship is over.
My mother (who does not live in Jackchickistan) would be very bothered if my dad looked at porn. She told me once that if I ever found a Maxim magazine or anything like it in a guy’s room that I should stay away from him.
An I also found a letter on the family computer one time (I wasn’t snooping, I was trying to clean up the hard drive and she had saved it as C:\letter.doc with no password protection) where she was writing to Focus on the Family asking for a book on Christian sex because she was convinced that anything other than missionary position was “dirty, like in a video.”
My mom is in every other way a warm, open, fully functioning non-crazy.
Count me another woman who doesn’t care if her man looks at porn as long as she still gets hers. My SO and I enjoy it together and separately, and I’ve always told him he can look at it and talk about it to me as long as he doesn’t say something suicidal like “why can’t your tits be more like hers?”
One woman who called Dr Laura about this problem admitted that even though she had forbidden her husband to look at porn the last time they had had sex was 6 months ago :eek: Dr Laura reamed her a new one for that, and told her that she should be grateful that her husband had made the decision to stay in a sexless marriage but to realize that he didn’t give up his humanity or male-ness when he said his wedding vows. Suprisingly good advice.
I’d be more pissed about him visiting porn sites and potentially infecting the computer with viruses, which most porn sites are notorious for.
Sure, she complained about the latter but was also complaining about the former as though looking at pr0n was itself an abberation and something she couldn’t tolerate at all.
She also brought up her weight. I wished I’d saved the paper so I could just have you read the damn thing, but others here have confirmed that they’ve seen similar columns, so I think my point has been made an taken here.
A lot of women still live in Jackchickistan, my friend. A lot.
:rolleyes:
Yes. As clearly evidenced by the number of women in this thread who have come down firmly on the porn=bad side of the argument.
Has it occured to you that when it comes to neurotic, repressed morons, the common denominator is probably not so much “people with XX chromosomes” as “people who write to advice columnists”?
Heh heh. True enough.
But don’t discourage them, because they keep people like Dan Savage working, and reading other people’s problems is fun.
Okay, I’ll say it: How you doin’? And good, earthy, human response, by the way.
This thread is hilarious, in my opinion. Americans are so conflicted between their puritan ethic and their desire to be sexual beings that they start frothing over something as inane as nude photos, while secretly buggering the yogurt cups. Those who protest the loudest about porn are those who are likely secretly surfing sites like BIGMEAT.org, or feeling somehow unclean because they have lustful thoughts about the pool cleaner. I don’t agree with the OP’s points, necessarily, but am amused by the size of the pot of shit he’s stirred up.
Hmmm… this thread looks comfy.
I have to encourage my husband to look at porn more often. Nope, I’m not the slimmer girl he married, but he still fucks my brains out with the lights on and his eyes open four or five times a day.
I watch porn. He has his thing, I have mine. I encourage him to masturbate and look at whatever porn he likes in order to get off on the days I’m not up to having sex (particularly bad menstrual period, sick with the flu, etc). I’ve offered to leave the house once when he came home for lunch a little early, thinking I wouldn’t be home, because I thought he might have needed some “quality time” with himself. (turns out he was hiding an anniversary present. d’oh.) I think it’s a healthy habit to get into, because one day, my sex drive will probably wane (after we add kids to the mix, more stress, etc).
However, we are a strange couple, it seems. He finds me interesting to talk to, I like to look at women more than he does, he’s the one that really wants children someday, and I have the largest collection of porn.
Also, though I’m a dirty, dirty girl in the bedroom (and sofa, and countertops, and the shower), most people consider me a very nice girl in public (or, you know, with company). I don’t walk around wearing clothes too small for me or showing off too much skin. Or flab. Ugh. Most folks, unless they read my stuff here, would have no idea how my sex life was, and likely assume incorrectly if they’re thinking of it at all. Except, of course, our poor neighbours. Sorry, guys.
Anyway, just adding my name to the list of females who are not put off by porn.
The joke version of that line goes like this: In a recent survey, 96% of men stated that they masturbate. The other 4% lied.
That makes me a filthy liar.
Count me as one who can’t understand why a married man who has a healthy married life feels the need to masturbate.
'Cause it’s fun?
Just because i buy a new XBox 360 doesn’t mean i stop playing with my Gameboy.
This is not some zero-sum game where every time i jerk off, i miss out on sex with my wife, or vice versa. It’s possible to do both.
Well, fuck. That killed my hard-on.
That makes 99.91%. And the other 0.09% of men are named Schroedinger?
Not true.
My husband looked at some porn back when I was quite thin (I had gallstones and couldn’t keep any food down; it was eventually removed). He continued to look at it after I got better and gained some weight back. The amount he had or frequency of viewing it didn’t change. It never took precedence over our relationship, and if he had the feelings you state above, he would have married a magazine instead of me, don’tya think?
One thing I became aware about with internet porn usage was that the line between just looking and wanking, and looking, talking, exchanging pics and wanking with people online can become a little blurry.
My ex husband was addicted to internet porn and dope - we had a brilliant sex life right up until the marriage ended. But when I wasn’t at home, he apparently was talking with women online about sex and exchanging videos and pics. I used to have no issues whatsoever with looking at porn - now I’m a bit more wary about it.
Because being married doesn’t mean you have a synchronized sex drive. It doesn’t mean you’ll both want sex just as much, at the same times. Should a man divorce his wife just because he’d like to have sex more often than she does ?
Obviously the lines for your ex were blurred, but in general there is quite a clear line between passively looking at internet porn, and going to some kind of chat room to look at porn and talk to people. The latter requires some thought and effort, it’s not really something you just stumble in to.
Are you sure about that? - agreed my ex was an addict, but I don’t imagine that on a bored and horny day it takes much to look and find a site with homemade pics and videos, then find out you can ask for more from the person who made them etc.