Dear Attractive Married Women: Plz Wear A Ring.

The BBQ Pit
1

So this week I was visiting a customer for a few days. They had a new admin assistant and holy moly, she was a goddess. Absolutely perfect. Not only beautiful, but obviously smart as hell, personable, and funny. And… what’s that, you have a 7-year-old daughter? So do I! Awesome! And no ring on the finger! Why, I think I’ll…

… oh, your husband. Ah! Great! Let’s talk about that! Damn.

Come on, that’s just mean. Ladies, put your rings on. C’mon, don’t get my hopes up like that. It’s just cruel to us single middle aged guys.

2

I like to listen to Stephanie Miller’s talk show sometimes. Recently, she came out as a lesbian and a guy called in to say how he was heartbroken. Her response: “Don’t worry about it, honey, you have just as much of a shot as you ever had.”

3

Probably mentioning a husband was a white lie to brush you off.

4

“Sorry, but I’m a lesbian.”
“Well, shit, why don’t you at least dress like one!”
“It just now happened.”

5

The pictures of the husband on her desk were a hell of a bit of foresight. :slight_smile:

6

Your office called while you were on your way and warned her to prepare.

7

We’re not asking for all that much.

Just if you’re an attractive woman and you’re married, wear a wedding ring so we know. And if you’re an attractive woman and you’re a lesbian, make out with another woman in front of us so we know.

8

You should have licked your eyebrows. Works every time.

9

You can’t just peel off your eyebrows at work. There are standards.

10

That’s just the picture that came with the frame. :smiley:

11

Can’t wear my ring, it rubs and causes calluses when I use my collapsible aluminum walking stick.

12

Dear Attractive Married Men: Plz Stop Being Married.

13

Or at least lower your standards!

14

What if we just work on getting old, fat and bald instead?

15

Ooooooooh. Here I’ve been licking THEIR eyebrows. That explains all those restraining orders.

16

Coincidentally, I’m working on that.

17

My ring is broken. Diamond fell out.
O wait. I’m not attractive. Ha! Ain’t gotta worry 'bout that, then, eh? :smiley:

18

So you want to be able to ask someone out without the bother of talking with her long enough to find out whether she’s married? Ooookay.

That’s a bit behind the times, mate. And plus, a ton of people these days are unavailable without being married. And more and more are available even if they are married. It’s a wild, wonderful world.

19

He was just the photo model who came with the frames.

20

Sorry, some of us just hate wedding bands. Personally, I took mine off after my wedding and never wore it again. Yes, I’ve had to say “no thanks I am married” a few times but sadly, not as often anymore. My husband said I never wear it because I like getting hit on. While I laugh I have to think that may not be far from the truth.