" Straight Dope Studs: Providing high-intellect DNA since 1973. "
People seem to get lazy about figuring things out- they want some simple, universal solution.
Even Sven’s question about where a woman lives is a good one, since the woman is likey to mention who she lives with. Plus, asking (context-appropriate) questions will give you a lot of information based on the level of detail. Curt responses probably mean they aren’t interested, detailed answers probably mean they are, at least platonically.
I think a woman would find it far, far more endearing to talk with a guy who is genuinely is interested in getting to know them as a person rather than someone with the social aptitude that has them resort to asking annonymous people on the internet the ‘cheat code’
Yes, you should get to say whether two adults get to be in a relationship with each other. You, the person who finds caring about yourself and your friends so taxing that you can’t handle anything else.
The reason why the adult has the right to refuse to be in a relationship with you is that ANYONE has the right to refuse to be in a relationship with anyone else, not because there’s this one set of undesirables who are not allowed to ever be in a relationship.
BTW, you sure care a lot about these hypothetical people you don’t know, getting all upset that their rights are being violated because somebody with a few emotional issues might, gasp, ask them out.
This thread alone is proof enough that some people with emotional problems still get in relationships. There is no way that wishing for a clear sign that a woman is available should have launched this much ire. These people clearly have a problem with someone or something else and are merely taking it out on the OP. You know, that thing many people call emotional problems.
Also, Ambivalid: according to many, you have emotional problems over your disablity, so you’re agreeing that you shouldn’t be able to date.
The fuck are you on about?
Tip: If you’ve never had to deal with an emotional vampire, you probably are one.
Ok, BigT, let me share how I feel about it.
“Aww, you seem really nice, but I’m seeing someone.”
“You’re right, we do have a lot in common, but I’m seeing someone.”
“No, I don’t wear a ring, and you seem swell, but I’m married.”
“It was nice talking with you, but I’m seeing someone.”
Him: She gave me a compliment, she thinks we have something in common, I think she likes me. I’ve got a chance with this one!
Or, I can just reply “No thanks” in a final tone of voice with no additional compliments or niceties. Which do you think is kinder? Including a compliment or two that may be misconstrued, or a firm negative? It’s better for both of us if a guy takes the time to get to know me before coming onto me. When he regards me as a conquest rather than a person, how much time and consideration do you think I owe him?
I agree completely with this. Seems a lot of the guys posting in this thread are demanding that availability signal so they don’t have to waste time treating a woman like a human being and TALKING to her like a PERSON if her vagina is off-limits to them.
You didn’t have to specify that you were male Modern Master because you made it obvious with these two posts.
What is it with men deciding that a woman has to be “bitter” (about what?) just because she says something he disagrees with?
So, if no female person wanted to talk with you unless she could tell right away that you are unattached and loaded with money, you wouldn’t have a problem with that? Being treated as a walking wallet wouldn’t bother you at all?
Well, you know, women are good for just two things. Having sex and making sandwiches. If there’s no chance of getting either a sandwich or sex from a woman, some men just don’t want to interact with them.
Actually the fact you think anyone has been demanding anything or that anyone has said anyone owes anyone anything is why some have been scratching their heads and others have been calling you crazy. The behavior some of you have been describing and attributing to “a lot” is in reality applicable to very few guys in this thread or in real life. To only care about what pleasure someone can give you is mentally defective. It is sociopathic behavior. It is not normal but a small percentage and odd then to base ones views around.
I don’t know if the reason you and a few others jump to the conclusions you do is because you have been terrorized and see every male now as a stalker or sociopath but I assure you it isn’t a normal human condition. I vascillate between sympathy and icredulity. Both my wife and daughter are beautiful and rarely have to resort to anything less than polite to dissuade men. However it is necessary at times to be more forceful. But as a rule in normal social interaction? What a sad world some of you live in. I don’t know, maybe going to bars a lot changes ones view of men. I have no idea. I’ve had to deal with a stalker once so I know they are an anomaly in my world. They do not act like normal men. Even a forceful no means nothing to them. Thankfully I didn’t have to kill him.
I have wanted to defend the ring because mine means so much to me but in the end I realize it is only a symbol and vested with only what the wearer invests in it. If you think it is only a signaling device to spare mens feelings then it is. TO YOU IT IS. For most it is not a societal shackle. For most it is a declaration of feeling to one person AND about that one to the world. I’m grateful it is. And while I give up on this thread I am hopeful for those in it. I hope the world of men treats them better than they seem to have been treated thus far.
Note that it was the OP who wanted the ring there as a “signalling device”.
As a guy, thanks. I check for a ring partly to make sure I don’t come across as “creepin’”.
Then there are some women who you wouldn’t want sex with, and who would probably scarf the sandwich before you got near it. The two are sometimes correlated.
The OP wasn’t being offensive, rings are just a useful tool to avoid awkwardness. A ring doesn’t make a woman unworthy of our time. All it does is make shit real simple for the people who respect the convention. That way if you’re lucky enough to find yourself in real chemistry with a woman who as it turns out is unavailable you can bail on that notion before you give a shit. It’s just a lot easier to do the “hmm, she’s interesting… oh but she’s married” thing all at once.
Everybody who got bent out of shape can simply get bent!
Also
Boom roasted! Dunno if I agree tho. Men handle rejection easier personally, but women certainly deal with the person who rejected them, in a slash burn salt the earth so nothing ever grows there again sort of way.
(PS: MeanOldLady you’re reasonable)
Yes, but it is controlling and abusive of you to wish anyone ever made anything easier for you, ever, times three.
Wow, your third post in five years and this thread is what inspired it? It must have something going for it.
You’re right about that. She has a very hard time convincing anyone she’s mean or old, but she is always a lady.
Wanting to fuck someone is treating someone like a human being, unless there’s something extremely wrong with you.
And I’ve had a few bad sammiches.
I’ve heard women can also bring beer or, more familiarly, “a cold one”.
I do find married bands on guys useful (both as a way to let me know they’re unavailable and as something I can point to if they’re getting too frisky), so I guess I should hand in my woman card someplace…
scratch llll, some women in this thread have countered the OP by explaining what a nuisance strangers with an agenda can be. No, women aren’t required to make it easier for men to hit on them. It’s kind of a pisser that a lot of men expect us to be flattered by unwanted attention, kind of a pisser that some men don’t bother to ask the basics about our lives before putting us on the spot, and kind of a pisser that guys often blame their inability to hook up on women. The ring is for couples, not the convenience of boneheaded men convinced that a strange woman would be a perfect match if only she would cooperate. People who choose not to wear jewelry which symbolizes a relationship status have legitimate reasons for doing so, and none of those reasons need be about you or the OP.
I hope you shared your heartfelt attachment your wedding ring with your wife, because it’s wasted here in the middle of your rant against persons who don’t sport wedding bands. That’s not the issue here. It’s people who hit on strangers gracelessly .
I think just by participating in this thread we should each have an alert on our phones that says “Whatever you’re tempted to say to that person at the bar, don’t.”