You’ve got a contradiction in here. A guy who is truly interested in the mutual satisfaction of both parties will bother to get to know her a bit, discover if they have something to offer each other. A guy asking a woman out based on her appearance or the lack of a wedding ring isn’t deserving of any more consideration than he gave her, and a simple no should suffice.
It really doesn’t matter if a guy says “I can make you happy” or “I can make you happy tonight” if he doesn’t bother to find out what actually makes her happy. It’s all about him, his needs, his wants, his goals. There’s nothing mutual about it.
Yes, it is. Unlike some women who go ballistic every time a man speaks to them, or some men who go ballistic if some other male dares to speak to “his” woman. I’m not in the dating game and haven’t been for nearly a quarter century. Apparently, that disappoints some people and I have some empathy for them, just not a lot.
It seems that what you’re trying to do is defend the use of the word “conquest” for any man asking a woman out. And yet upthread you complained about men who think of you as a conquest. Your language seems to indicate that you just have a problem with men asking women out, period (men looking for conquests are jerks, yet all men asking women out are looking for conquests). Other things you’ve said in this thread indicate the same. That’s why people are responding to you as if you’re a nut.
Actually, if you read carefully, you will find that Dude is looking for a signal not to hit on you.
Your naivete is showing. At 42 and toting a small child, I’m still apparently dateable to men in my age bracket. Relationships, flirting, sex and all things related continue until you die. I expect you’ll find this out eventually.
It’s mutual, cause I think that guys who charge around town and the workplace looking for a mate then complaining about women are nuts. I don’t know where I went wrong with the word conquests, but here’s one last shot at making myself clear. If a guy treats women as equals, as ends in themselves rather than merely a means to his end probably won’t be embarrassed or disappointed often because he’ll know something about a woman before he asks her out. If he regards women as conquests and doesn’t bother to discover if he has anything to offer her as well, women don’t owe him a darn thing.
Have you considered the possiblity that a man may ask a woman out so that, during the date, he may find out what they have to offer each other, her needs, her wants, her goals and determine if there is something mutual?
Me, I prefer to know someone fairly well before asking a woman out but it doesn’t follow that if a man knows little about a woman before asking her out, he doesn’t want to know anything about her; he could be using the date as an opportunity to get to know her.
This is why I always take photos of women I’m interested in when I see them at the park. Later I can hire a private detective to identify them and run an online background check to find any marriage/divorce/criminal records they may have. By the time I ask them out, I know everything about them and have already decided we are compatible.
This unobtrusive way of getting to know them, the real them, is a lot less creepy than taking a quick glance at their ring finger or telling them I think they are attractive and I would like to find out more. Who does that anymore?
Not just whether or not the other person is married, of course. You keep saying that not finding out someone’s hopes, dreams, interests, needs and desires before asking them out means that the asker only wants sex from the askee. While that’s one possibility, it’s also possible for the asker to seek to find that out during the date.
No, I’m saying that the askee is right to respond in kind, and the asker should expect nothing more. Don’t bother to find out the basics? Then don’t expect her to make your life easier by wearing a ring, letting you down easy, etc. Blindly suggest a date and get shut down? Tough.
I do not agree with the majority of what you have said in this thread, but I have warmed up to you after reading your more recent posts. I apologize for my unecessary comment and retract it. Also I finally grasped what you were getting at and agree.(Seemed like you were generalizing all men and hating at the beginning of the thread)
Thanks, Southern Guy. I’m not a man hater; I’m a fan. But I’ve always arched my back and hissed at every boy and man who comes on strong with no regard for anything except what I can do for him. I agree with you, I came in snarky and didn’t try very hard to illustrate my POV.
Some comments here have me puzzled, too. Have to wonder at the reasoning behind regarding women solely as potential mates instead of potential friends. If female companionship is elusive, shouldn’t a lonely guy be fired up about having a few women around who might demystify the creatures? Trust me, there’s no better wingman than a woman. Other women will feel more comfortable talking with you, other women might appreciate an already vetted companion, frequent proximity to soft skinned, nice smelling, woman-shaped people might help desensitize a nervous man. We’re awesome buddies.
Some comments here have me puzzled, too. Have to wonder at the reasoning behind regarding women solely as potential mates instead of potential friends.
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It’s easier for me to regard the women I’m interested in as a potential SO from the get-go. State what I’m looking for(being a relationship) after having talked for a bit just to have that thrown out there. I tend to avoid making female friends as I have a tendency to fall hard for a girl after getting to know her very well. The dreaded friend zone is a terrible place to be when you’re in love with someone so I cut the friend part of it out at the beginning when meeting someone. The friendship naturally develops while the dating process goes on. Some of my exes have been the best friends I’ve had, but we didnt start out that way.
I hope you rethink that someday, SouthernGuy. Ruling out women for anything but intimate relationships is a special kind of misogyny that hurts both you and the women you fall for. Pick women who are the opposite of your physical and socioeconomic type if you can’t control your desires, but give friendship a try. I’m sure you have male friends or family members whose company you enjoy without expectations. It works the same way with females of the species. Women are people, too.
