I don’t think the OP is a pig at all, but I don’t have any sympathy for his predicament. He didn’t actually spend much time getting to know her, so it’s entirely his fault he experienced rejection. I’m not wearing a ring just to protect the feelings of strangers who might come on to me. It’s not a big deal, but the poor single me/friend zone/ darn these women and their confusing ignals whiny nonsense is a little overplayed.
I have never worn jewelry because I don’t like flashy things that call attention to myself. It never occurred to me that a naked ring finger was the sexiest signal I could put out. All that money on Wonderbras: wasted.
Eh, I have plenty of single male friends, and just about all of them are guys that became friends after I got married.
I game. That’s one of my main hobbies. When I started gaming, I was generally the only female in the group, and generally the oldest person, as well. If you’re in a gaming group, you NEED to be able to at least get along with most of the group, and preferably you are friends with most of them. Even if you join a new group, where you don’t know anyone, either you befriend most of them, or you need to find another group. And I frequently met the guys in other social situations, but they were not romantic dates, just meeting as friends. My husband knows about this, and is OK with it. I just about always asked him if he wanted to come with, and he just about always declined. He knew that I’d probably get into an incredibly esoteric conversation about shield emblems or the likelihood of a given monster carrying a given treasure or some other geekery. Bill kind of likes playing D&D, but mostly as a barbarian sort, that is, he likes the killing and the smashing bits. I’m the one who plans the assault on the Dark Lord’s castle.
And yes, sometimes my gaming buddies would ask me out, even knowing that I’m married. Or they’d ask if I would have sex. I only had to state that I was monogamous, and they dropped the subject. And we remained friends. As far as I’m concerned, it’s OK to ask someone out once or twice, if done respectfully. It’s not OK to make a pest of yourself.
I admit that I was sorely tempted by some of those guys, though.
Alice, meet Rick. Rick, meet Alice.
The only time I’d look down on someone is if there is deception and lying involved. I am well aware of the existence of open marriages, swinging, and the like even if I don’t personally participate. If all parties are aware of what’s going on and agreeable I don’t care.
Of course they are.
See, that’s the problem - the assumption that any woman not “properly” displaying her “unavailability” is somehow fair game. I could go on about women who work in professions where wearing jewelry on the hands could be hazardous, or the ethnic group I live next door to where neither men nor women wear wedding rings, but you know what - it doesn’t matter why a woman doesn’t wear a ring on the finger of her left hand. In this day and age no man should whine about how a women is “supposed” to display her married status so he doesn’t waste his precious chat-up lines on the unavailable. It’s childish.
If a man politely inquires if I’m available and I say no, I’m married and we both go on our merry way I have no problem with him. It’s when they either persist, or get all whiny about how I don’t wear a ring, that I get cranky because, really, I don’t want to hear about it. Men don’t want to hear about the creeper on the subway feeling up the girls or being a persistent jackass to the waitress in a restaurant, women don’t want to hear about how “unfair” it is that all women don’t advertise their “status” in a convenient manner for the men.
Best advice in the thread. Way to go, Giraffe. Hear that, OP? Man up and handle that rejection like a boss. Players don’t whine.
I don’t have any real sympathy for the OP, either – it was a cutesy little “why are all the good ones gay/married amirite?!” complaint that is overdone and not actually very interesting if you aren’t one of the parties involved. I’m not giving you shit because you didn’t charge to the OP’s defense, I’m giving you shit because you made borderline-insane statements about the “right” way to try to date someone to prove you don’t think of women as walking vaginas. Don’t want to get shit? Don’t say stupid things.
What, no imaginary script where you say reasonable things and I call you a whore and twirl my handlebar mustache? This is bullshit. :mad:
Nah - I believe that Rick mentioned that she was beautiful, funny and smart. I’m sort of more tired looking, sarcastic and bitchy, so not a match made in heaven.
I’m sure I’ll give you a reason to spank me later. Just don’t tell my husband, k?
Yes, yes, all women are whores.
Just because they’re not having sex with you, doesn’t mean they’re not having sex.
I’m not sure why you feel the need to call them out as whores, though. They’re just bored and horny. Their marital status just doesn’t have a lot to do with their willingness to sweat up the bedsheets with a charming stranger.
"I love my husband and everything, but … "
That is a “vajacancy”.
What the OP is getting at is that if she was wearing a ring, a guy wouldn’t bother asking her out anyways because he knows he will get rejected. However, not wearing a ring will result in Scenario I. I personally think it’s better to know that you’re not going to get accepted due to the fact that she’s wearing a ring than to go through Scenario I.
Tough shit. Your need to see evidence that a person is unattached does not trump that person’s perogative to display or not display such evidence. No one has to make your life easier, and very few people outside your circle will take pains to make your life easier. The sooner you learn this: the better.
Oh, what unadulterated stupidity this is. “Patriarchal bullshit?” Seriously? Jesus Christ. Starting a silly thread on this mildest of little complaints was clearly a serious error, since apparently I’m now either a pig, a chauvinist or a passive-agressive jerk; at this point it’s hard to keep up.
I completely and totally withdraw the sentiments expressed in the OP, but formally tell anyone who thinks I am any of the aforementioned things to go piss up a rope.
Also, Troppus, read the fucking OP, doofus, and at least get the story straight before you throw bullshit out of your pie hole. I didn’t ask her out, nor did I creep around her. You might want to get your facts straight before playing judge and jury. You sound like a goddamned Republican.
NO! Don’t give up now! We are so close to passing that legislation that forces married women to wear wedding rings!! The perfect society all us men dream of is within reach!!!
I get that you’re trying to be funny and all, but you’re really being sort of as ridiculous as the people you’re arguing with trying to stretch this into WHORE! levels of outrage that just aren’t here.
That said I can’t get my ire worked up in any of these directions. I think the OP was just to let us know “O HAI I TALKED TO A WOMAN TODAY AND SHE WAS CUUUUTE!” so it makes me kinda sad for him more than anything else.
Graffiti spotted at the U of M technology Dept, Women’s bathroom, circa 1970
“Call (blank) at 555-1234. He’s clean, safe, and handsome.”
“But can he type?”
“Honey, I don’t care if he can read!”
That you find a sense of superiority in that makes me sad for you.
Oddly, I can live with that.