But all he’s doing is making it clear that doing something dire enough to end up in jail is unacceptable and would denote the point at which the child has to start fixing his own problems. If the child still ends up in jail, then he knows what he has to do…fix his own problem.
It’s not THAT hard to stay out of jail. I know a great number of people who’ve managed it their entire lives without a great deal of effort (myself included). It’s not like Stuffy set an impossibly high bar for cessation of parental swooping-in-to-fix. If, for instance, the rule had been “If you outgrow your shoes, don’t bother to ask me for new ones” (something the child can’t help) or “If you don’t cut every blade of grass in the yard to exactly 1/2”, don’t bother coming back into the house ever" (something so impossibly exacting that no one could manage it to satisfaction), I’d see your point. But it’s not.
And yet, numerous other posters have come in with stories about how their fathers told them the exact same thing, and none of them seem to be bearing any grudges. So what, pray tell, is your basis for this belief?
Well, admittedly, I don’t have the skin tone to be arrested for Driving While Black or any of the number of other bogus reasons that some police organizations have for placing men of color behind bars for a day or so, but I’m fairly sure that these kind of situations are other exceptions to Stuffy’s rule…
No, you’re taking it too seriously. I was making a sort of (obviously failed) joke that you are one of those I was astonished to find had not spent a night or two in jail as a teenager.
All right, lissener, what is the problem? Is it that the OP wouldn’t bail his son out of jail if he got in trouble with the law?
You seem to think that that would amount to abandonment.
Or do you have a problem with him telling them not to call him?
Incidentally, how old do you have to be to spend a night in jail? It’s not like Stuffy is leaving a little kid in the lock-up; he’s at least sixteen, since he was driving a car when he was arrested. Maybe older. Sixteen is plenty old enough to be expected to follow the law, and to bear the consequences on his own if he doesn’t.
In 1972? Fifteen. Me and Ronnie and some guy I can’t remember his name were drunk and doing donuts in the technical school parking lot at midnight. They cut us loose in the morning - no harm, no foul - except Ronnie gained a set of bruises from being a smartass. Then the other guy walked five miles back to his car, and Ronnie and I went and planted tobacco all day. I’d have rather stayed in jail.
Update: According to the police, my stepson will be released tommorrow morning on his own recoginizance, in anticipation of the DA dropping the charges, if they don’t do it at the time. According to them, my brother was telling a somewhat odd version of the truth. The car does indeed belong to his girlfriend, however he took the car after beating her up. So they’re still looking for him, he is the person actually known to have stolen the car. I’m too tired to address eveyone tonight but I will clear up a few things quickly.
My stepson is 18, he doesn’t live with us anymore but has a roommate; they apparently see my brother often, as he works at a carwash not far from where he and his roomate live. My stepson is kind of naive in that he’s very trusting, it wouldn’t occur to him to ask said Uncle, despite his history, if the car was stolen. Another thing is that he’s the child of my Ex (currently in jail in case you weren’t following along) but I came into his life when he was 4, and I’ve been his only Dad ever since. He’s spent time in a group home afer his mother proved incapable of supervising him, and wouldn’t relent to releasing him to my custody, but after a long fight he was eventually released to me. He’s a good kid, with a lot of baggage no one his age should have to deal with. I spoke with him a little while ago, he sounded a little depressed and scared but says he’s fine.
As for my parenting skills, I’ll deal with that tommorrow.
Yeah, you’re late. I love it when you skim-reading knee-jerkers just don’t have time to examine the context of a sequence of posts before you feel compelled by the sheer force of your self-righteousness to swoop into a thread and save the day — pointing out for all us dim-wits how we might see things differently if only we’d see things your way. Well, first, a big hearty “Fuck you!” Second, any system that throws every person into the same dungeon based on the judgment of an enforcement official is ethically bereft. Third, it wasn’t just the kid who said his uncle loaned it to him, it was a citizen in good standing from the community. Fourth, this is just a travesty of common sense. Boys who steal cars don’t pull into their father’s driveway with a police cruiser tailing behind them. The kid’s uncle has a record of criminal activity going back to the Stone Age. And Stuffy presents the demeanor and temperament of a good and loving parent who is concerned, not just with the safety and well-being of his children, but with molding their character to make them better citizens. Hell, we weren’t even there, and all but the deadest brains among us — I’m looking at you, Lissener — completely grok what’s going on, so what the fuck was the problem with these Keystone Cops?
Please don’t take on that burden. There is one lone jackass — a hand-wringing nutjob from the “It Takes A Village” school — who thinks that he knows how to raise other people’s kids better than they do themselves. There is no problem with your parenting skills. You are in fact an example for us all.
I hope all goes well, there. I’m glad it sounds to have a minimum of consequences for your stepson, and I’m sorry he had to get caught up in this. Hang tough, Stuffy, and step-Stuffy.
[QUOTE=Liberal…it wasn’t just the kid who said his uncle loaned it to him, it was a citizen in good standing from the community. Fourth, this is just a travesty of common sense. Boys who steal cars don’t pull into their father’s driveway with a police cruiser tailing behind them. The kid’s uncle has a record of criminal activity going back to the Stone Age. And Stuffy presents the demeanor and temperament of a good and loving parent who is concerned, not just with the safety and well-being of his children, but with molding their character to make them better citizens. [/QUOTE]
You make it sound as if a neighbor brought Stuffy’s stepson home because he thought StepStuffy was the kid who had egged his house the night before. How long do you think the cops had to evaluate Stuffy’s demeanor and temperament? Judging by his posts, he does seem to be a fine person. But the arresting officers don’t know his posting history, or anything about him. They just know they have a stolen car in their possession. They might not know the brother’s history either. And Stuffy naming his brother doesn’t automatically exonerate StepStuffy. Doesn’t rule out the possibility that Brother has been “training” him, without Stuffy even knowing about it.
There is a process to be followed, and it has to be the same process for everyone. Or is it okay with you if a teenager steals your car, and the cops let him go because his dad says it couldn’t have been him?
Stuffy said that the cops were sympathetic. They took down relevant information; they believed him. They didn’t try to beat a confession out of StepStuffy. They detained him as they are required to do by law, but that’s all they did. The charges are almost certain to be dropped, but if they’re not, the cops didn’t prevent it from happening. Their authority ends when StepStuffy is released from the jail. Unfortunately, however, but inevitably, it begins when they have a reason to suspect someone.
And “boys who steal cars don’t pull into their father’s driveway with a police cruiser tailing behind them”? Where do you get that?
Your first post in this thread, WOW. Not even a request for clarification first. You could have at least asked the OP for his reasons before jumping all over him.
If by “deal with” you mean continue fighting the good fight and raising your kids to be fine, upstanding citizens, have at it. On the other hand, if you mean you’re going to come back here and continue to explain yourself to the poster child for people who seriously need to get the fuck over themselves, I strongly suggest you save your energy.