Our Pasta who art aloft, Al Dente be thy name. Thy kitchen come, thy will be done, at lunch as it is at dinner. Give us this day our garlic bread, and forgive us our overcooking, as we forgive overeating. And lead us not into indigestion, but deliver us dessert. For thine is the pesto, and the marinara, and the Alfredo forever, noodle without end.
In the name of the Pasta, the Sauce, and the Grated Cheese, Ramen.
FSM floats down the street
He says why am I hard in the middle now
Why am I hard in the middle
The rest of my life is so soft
Your prayers are not being answered because you pray to A False God. Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!
And if you chicks are that indifferent to the qualities of your guy-pals, I’m right there…
Unfortunately I am in New York, which, if my geography does not delude me, is pretty far from Texas. Also I am way older, having recently turned 28.
He sounds like a catch, though!
love
yams!!
How old are you?
Cursed heathen durham beast, I rebuke you in…
Wait…
Did you say human sacrifice? With tomato sauce? And extra parmasian cheese?
Well, maybe just this once.
::starts buttering garlic toast eucharist::
I’ve got all my teeth. Wait, do they have to be in my jaw? Cuz the wisdom ones are gonna pinch in a little in that case.
What if I have all of someone else’s teeth? Is that OK?
I thought you were supposed to pray to Mr. Sandman, to bring you a dream.
I am also known as God’s Gift to the Desperate…
You know, if you happen to get down near the tip of Florida.
Before we go any further I’ve got to ask - Is your church Spaghetti Monster, Spaghetti Monster Reformed or New Spaghetti Monster Reformed?
The problem isn’t desperation. I get asked out once or twice a week by men of all colors, shapes and sizes. The problem is that it is never the RIGHT men. Sure, this guy is gorgeous but it is like trying to have a conversation with Jon Arbuckle. The next guy is sweet and kind but couldn’t make a decision if his life depended on it. The third guy is smart, sweet and funny but looks like a young of a gold prospector. I got proposed to by some guy a couple of weeks ago, which would have been great if he had known my name first and hadn’t been 75 years old.
Is it too much to ask that a guy possess the qualities I asked for and not be insane, diseased or on parole?
Do you have all of someone else’s teeth instead of or in addition to your own? That makes a difference, you know.
Not trying to start a religious debate here, but I need to run a quick poll of the pastafarians among us and which sects you subscribe to.
Alfredo?
Tomato sauce?
Something else?
I personally belong to the minimalist Order of Olive Oil.
Al Dente 25:17, “And, yay, it is foretold that a man shall come out of the northeast. And that he shall bear with him eggs, and durham wheat flour, and all manner of tools and implements for the shaping thereof. And he shall seek others of like mind, particularly females 30-45.”
I don’t think you are. It’s just that the joke doesn’t work if I use other words.
Reminds me of the punch line of the old joke.
I sent two boats and a helicopter, what did you expect?
Your getting awfully picky asking for them to be sane, healthy, and law abiding. Next you will tell me you don’t want any married men. 
I will mention you to the FSM in my evening prayers.
Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster,
While reading this thread of devotions is indeed eye-opening (there are women who don’t mind a bit of chubbiness on a guy?), could you please direct some of these interested and open women to my northern city? 'Cause they all seem to be in other countries, or at least thousands of kilometres away.
I even bought new shoes on the weekend.
Ramen,
Sunspace
Indeed there are! I like a little belly fat on my man. 
Abs are sooooo overrated.
Well, I’m not diseased in any way that I know of.
Yeah…
That’s about it…
Plus there’s the whole married/thousands of miles away/different country thing.
*Note, this is all tongue in cheek of course, I love my wife very much and given my qualities/legal status/overuse of the and/or slash she must love me very much to put up with me.
:eek: 
:: coughs ::
Well, I have all my other muscles…
[sub](My trainer is going to be crushed by this news…)[/sub]