That’s pretty much how I read it. While I agree that women shouldn’t be treated as incapable hothouse tomatos, you have no way of knowing the intention of the person on the bus or train or street. Unless they come right out and say, “Well c’mere, little lady. I’ll handle that. I wouldn’t want you to break a nail.” why wouldn’t you automatically assume the person was just being courteous? I expect people to assume the best of me until they learn otherwise, and I try to do the same for them.
Because at some point, you get into a discussion about it either in real life or on a message board and you find out that they only offer their seats to handicapped men and oh, any woman.
No it isn’t because she was stating her opinion on the subject not snarking at some poor door holding man. You can read right in that thread a whole bunch of guys who do indeed open doors for WOMEN because that’s what GENTLEMEN do. catsix think that is insulting and a throwback to “frail ladies” thinking. Again, pretty reasonable.
How do you know she hasn’t? If someone is so bothered by social gestures that they cannot stop themselves from opening a thread they know will piss them right the fuck off and spout off about how stupid and insulting said social gesture is til the thread is hijacked beyond saving, it’s also reasonable to assume that person has no qualms about telling that “poor door holding man” precisely what she thinks about his good manners.
And no. I don’t think “it’s the polite thing to do” is reasonably translated into “you’re a frail lady I have to do this for you.”
“They” as in the self-same person who held the door/offered the seat earlier? Just because some other guy on the Net gives his motivations, that doesn’t mean you should assume the next guy to be courteous to you IRL has the same motivations.
That said, it sounds like you actually don’t make an issue of this in real life. So no harm done.
Umm, who cares. We’re talking about what has happened here and actually she specifically said she wouldn’t bitch out some guy for offering a seat.
I was going to mention this. Since when does “gentleman” equal “sexist pig”?
gen·tle·man ( P ) Pronunciation Key (jntl-mn)
n.
A man of gentle or noble birth or superior social position: “He’s too much a gentleman to be a scholar” (Aphra Behn).
**A well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior. ** See Usage Note at lady.
A man of independent means who does not need to have a wage-paying job.
A man: Do you know this gentleman?
gentlemen (-mn) Used as a form of address for a group of men.
A manservant; a valet.
Nope. So long as you feel the same way about an overly helpful teenage girl. Or a woman in her mid-twenties whose hands are free when you are carrying packages. Or a girl scout. Or a boy scout. I see no reason to limit your snarling disdain to gentlemen of a certain age.
Listen, catsix, I have an idea. This discussion seems split about 50/50. We could end the debate right now if there were some simple system to determine which people are receptive to niceties; and which prefer to be left alone. For instance- in the wild animals that should not be approached sport bright, garish coloration. Or bold patterns. Or rattles, spines, or stinky sprays.
How about you exhibit some outward and obvious sign when you are adamant about opening doors for yourself so that the rest of us know to step back? Would you consider wearing an offensive scent like anchovies or rancid butter? Maybe shake your keys at us or hiss or something?
'Cause some of us would still like to extend common courtesy to the anonymous masses if at all possible. With your permission, of course.
Somewhat surprisingly, I seem to find myself on the same side of this debate as Maureen and Kalhoun, which is pretty damn rare.
cracks open three cold ones and hands two of them round, vaguely aware that the bonhomie may be short in duration 
Then why rail about it here? Seriously, if it’s important enough to spout off in several threads about how you aren’t some weak little female and you don’t need anyone’s help and you find it insulting and demeaning to have the door held for you, then holy fuck, have the balls to say it to the schlub that’s offending you. Or, y’know, don’t, but shut up going on about it already.
Can you crack open a fourth? Because I’m with you…also in agreement, and surprised to see who I am on the same side of the fence with! Just make mine non-alcoholic, as it’s not a great plan to be boozing it up in the first trimester!
Seriously, people who have such a chip on their shoulder that they can’t accept a kindness from a stranger, need to just settle down.
Yeah, I mean God fucking forbid someone give an opinion in IMHO!
Oh, go fuck yourself.
- She already said that, and it was a piss poor excuse even when she did it, given that she just can’t seem to stop herself from posting invective any time the subject comes up regardless of the forum. She hates it. We get it. Move the fuck on.
- If it’s so minor IRL that you can’t be buggered to say anything about it, but here it’s a subject you will defend with your dying breath, then either you’re really really bored or you’re fucking trolling. Which option do you prefer?
Maybe it’s just me, but I think that in order to assume that everyone who holds a door or offers you a seat is actually *oppressing * you, you’d have to be really awfully invested in being a victim.
Well, exactly. Could it be that some people just look for excuses to be wounded, because it suits their goal in life to hate everybody & think the world is full of assholes?
Classy lady we got here, no? I bet all the guys hold the door open for you.
That’s such a pretty straw man being built here.
Especially since most of what I’ve been arguing against has been the ‘I’ll offer my seat to any woman but would only offer it to a disabled man.’
Instead of sticking with that, some of you decide to go off on a wild fucking tangent about door-holding, which I said only really bothers me if a man insists he will not walk through a door I have opened.
I’ve also stuck to agruing the attitude expressed by Cemetery Savior, Sampiro, and others who insist that there’s nothing at all implied by giving your seat to a woman when you wouldn’t do the same for an equally able-bodied man.
Good thing y’all have your strawsix to attack.
Could someone point out the invective catsix used, that** Maureen **says is ever present, or where she said she was being actually oppressed, as claimed by DianaG. I saw others try to imply that was her point:
This seems true, from what I have seen. And, just because you have met someone at a Dopefest doesn’t mean you know what they are really like. I have known dudes who were Mr Politeness when 1st met, but turned to Mr Asshole as soon as you got to know them better. I don’t know Catsix from Eve, but I do know enough to not think I really know someone from meeting them once at a party, or from their postings on a MB. So, Catsix IRL may or may not be a wonderful person, but Catsix SDMB personae is bitter and abrasive.
Yes, I am one of those dudes that usually offer my seat- to those much older, preggers, or PD. Women- sometimes, it all depends. If they have an armload of packages and look like they really need a seat, then sure.
You know, you hear the same thing from PD dudes- some get angry whenever anyone offers help, and others get angry whenever dudes don’t offer help. Outside of Beaucarnea’s idea of warning signs- how is one to know? We stand an equal risk of being considerd a thoughtless asshole if we offer help, and if we don’t. But we can’t know until we offer it. So, I offer anyway, given that I am the sort of person I am- since I have no way of knowing you are the sort of person you are. To get angry at me for offering then is IMHO wrong.
Dare I venture into the pit… meh, what the hell…
If you are old, pregnant, injured or generally in more need of a seat then me I’m going to offer it to you as that’s how I was raised.
If you are a fine looking woman I’m going to offer you my seat cause maybe I’m trying to strike up a conversation*
Just wondering if the ladies that object to being offered a seat also object to being offered a drink at a bar. Maybe you think that us guys are offering you a drink cause you are to poor, scared or otherwise unable to get a drink yourselves?
- I’m happily married so the fine lookin women will have to pry the seat out from under my cold dead arse!