Thank you so much for that mental image.
Congratulations: you’ve excavated an entirely new sub-basement level for the Brunching Shuttlecocks’ “Geek Hierarchy Chart:”
People Who Write Glurgy Christmas Music Fanfic about Abused Children Singing to Jesus While Being Vigorously Molested by a Furry Pedophile Michael Bolton.
The Ocelot Kirk Appreciation Society is no doubt eternally grateful to you.
I take it I should wait until I get home to Google “yiffing”?
I’ve had it stuck in my head all day, and I don’t mind. It’s hilarious! 
Save a seat in hell for me, OK?
I think so.
De gustibus non est disputandum; caveat Googlor.
Tempting sig line, there. Not sure it works out of context though.
According to this site, (SFW), “‘Yiffing’ is the act of two furs (that’s anthropomorphic animals, like, say, Bugs Bunny) having an act of sex together.”
" Dear Mr. Jesus, please tell me what to do…"
To the tune of “Mr. Sandman”:
*Mr. Jesus,
please fix my brain
The little children are singing again
Some loathsome glurge
about parental abuse
Let’s spank their little butts
we have an excuse
Mr. Jesus
Here at Yuletide
From dreadful Xmas songs
we just cannot hide
So find us some redeeming tune
Or we’ll beat the deejays 'till June.
dung dung dung
dung dung dung dung dung dung dung dung
dung dung dung dung dung
dung dung dung dung dung dung dung dung
dung dung dung dung dung*
I prefer this children’s Christmas tune (sound file)
I have to agree with you and Scylla on this one. The song is a pile of sucky glurge.
I can give a great song that captures the feeling perfectly - Happiness Is A Warm Gun
Now for that half brother of Elivs (whatever) I have some great songs for him too. For anyone who says Pat Benatar’s “Hell Is For Children” means an E ticket to hell, the replies are Milly Jackson’s “Fuck You Symphony”, or Alice Cooper’s “You Can Go To Hell”. :eek:
When I first started reading this, I tried to put it to the tune of “Enter Sandman” by Metallica.
The first verse works…
And herein lies the beauty of the iPod.
I NEVER have to listen to maudlin dreck such as “Day of the Child” or “Christmas Shoes” or “Butterfly Kisses” or “Don’t Take the Girl.”
Hey! Maybe the abused girl will fall in love with the orphan who bought his dying mom some Christmas shoes, and then she can give him butterfly kisses before dying in childbirth and then he can wish that he paid more attention to her in the living years!
Oh, dear, dear Terrifel, may I use your little line of Latin as a sig? It would please me everso.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so tempted to give myself a sig line before. Thanks!
Well, jeepers! Two in a row; I guess I’m on some kind of roll today. A sig-namin’ roll, apparently.
Miss Purl McKnittington: By all means, feel free to adopt the li’l guy. Just remember that you’ll have to feed it and take care of it; a sig line is a very important responsibility! You’ll also have to walk the line.
Bites When Provoked: You’re entirely welcome. If at any point you decide to give in to temptation, you have my blessing also. Watch out, though; there’s a powerful social stigma in many areas regarding Michael Bolton fans. Be careful.
Gracias, Terrifel. It shall be well-fed and well-groomed and well-loved.
Tee, hee, hee. Just tried to explain to a co-worker why I was sniggering like Snidely Whiplash all alone at my desk…somehow he doesn’t think that Jesus beating little children with his shoe is as amusing as I do. Go figure.
[hijack]Ohmygawd, the Stanley brothers! They were his stepbrothers, not his half brothers; after Gladys died, Vernon married a woman named Dee Stanley, who had thee boys. David, Billy and Ricky. And they were such punks; your story doesn’t surprise me a bit. For instance, although David and Ricky were both at Graceland when Elvis died, they claim to have witnessed a lot of stuff the rest of the crew says they didn’t. So it was either David or Ricky that you saw, unless Billy’s claiming to have been there too, when he wasn’t. And they’re still using his residual fame; figures.[/hijack]
No, Og help me, I haven’t seen the kids in the hanging pants, or the bugfart cars. But now my curiousity is consuming me. Please share.
Oh you really should. It starts out a little slow (the actual diary part sucks) but when the aborted fetus starts signing “Why did you kill me me mommy when God made me special for you I really wanted to met you” is pure gold.
http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/KF/0510/markie/02_-Lil_Markie-_Diary_Of_An_Unborn_Child.mp3
Or get the whole 17 track album here:
Oh, I’ve heard the Lil’ Markie song, it’s the song in the OP that I haven’t heard (and dont’ intend to).