Dear Mr. Power Ranger

The BBQ Pit
1

Well, I do appreciate the fact that you want to learn a martial art. It’s admirable, and the one you’ve chosen, aikido, is an elegant and intricate art, beautiful if executed well, and philosophically rich. I think it’s great that you’re coming to classes.

However, and I may be unique in this, I come to class to learn things. Which means, in my experience, listening to instruction, asking questions when uncertain, and practicing what we’re trying to learn. Aikido is an interesting art, in that when two people are working together in class, they’re trying to assist each other in the learning process; one by practicing the move, the other by having the move practiced on them.

We are not, generally, trying to beat the ever-living crap out of each other.

So, I have a few suggestions for you.

  1. If you don’t understand a move, try it slowly, and gently. That way if you make a mistake, my elbow doesn’t make those interesting cracky sounds.

  2. Also, if you do have to do a move you don’t understand with great force, speed, and vigor, you aren’t required to explain what you’re doing wrong to me as you are making my elbow make those interesting cracky sounds.

  3. No matter what you’ve seen on TV, those cool little “whoosh”, “hah” and “schah” noises are not generally said by the participants of martial arts during their training. They make them later, and they’re added to the program through a marvelous technology known as Foley. You may find you can concentrate on what you’re doing a bit better if you refrain from making these endearing little sounds.

If you came to class to prove you’re a badass, well, great. We have a nice badass badge for you, and we even have a badass trophy. Please take them with you in the sincere knowledge that we are impressed as all hell with your badassness. Have a wonderful time with your badass self.

But if you want to learn anything, stop trying to show off, stop playing kiddie games, stop trying to impress people, and pay attention. Work on the moves, have consideration for your partners, stop improvising moves you think will “work better”, and admit that, having taught aikido for years, the instructors may know some things you don’t.

Now I have to go change the icepack on my elbow. Twit.

2

Ah, the martial arts instructor’s short fuse in respect of gung-ho morons is world-wide.

A nice way to encourage people to participate in class and learn: hurt them.

3

I want a badass badge! And a badass trophy!

4

Shut it, mate, or I’ll thump ya. :wink:

5

You can have some of mine. I’ve got hundreds.

6

That’s so uncanny! I think the OP and I go to the same dojo!

In fact, there’s TWO of them in my club. It’s fun, when sensei asks us to find sparring partners, to watch everyone oh-so-casually edge away from them at a High Rate of Speed.

One makes the ‘I’m in a Bruce-Lee movie’ noises whenever he fights.

The other is obsessed with “streetfighting” and will throw in patently illegal, potentially harmful, really underhanded tricks when he spars. I’ve tried to explain to him that I’m learning to perfect myself mentally here, and also that I’m not learning to get into barfights but to defend myself from my students- breaking their legs just because I can is NOT my goal.

7

I’d be happy to give you the badass badge and the badass tropyhy, spooje, but they’re out back in the alleyway kicking the shit out of each other. You can have the winner.

I’m trying to figure out a way to let the sensei know that the injury rate increase he’s been seeing is due to this particular Army of One Idiot, but it’s hard for me to do so tactfully.

Meantime, I’m back on the mat tonight. Maybe I’ll get to see the sensei accidentally break this guy. One can hope…

8

[Bill Clinton]
“I feeeel your pain.”
[/Bill Clinton]

I’ve known a few of those type people. The great part about being in the advanced class is they either matured or left becuase they were never advancing. Aaaah, sweet advanced class.

9

In the dojo I trained and assistant instructed we’d get the occasional dipshit who came in thinking he was a badass.

I or my sensei would warn them, explain to them what they were doing wrong and show them how to do it right. Nobody was allowed to spar full contact until they had at least six months in the school.

For those bad little boys and girls who just couldn’t fucking get it, we’d move them into “advanced” sparing, with either my sensei or myself and pummel them senseless until they requested to go back to introductory sparing (having been thoroughly put in their place) or they quit.

MrV I’d strongly suggest you take your sensei aside after class and let him or her know what the Power Ranger is doing and that you’re concerned that someone, possibly yourself, is going to get hurt if he keeps this up. Be matter of fact and respectful about it, and if your sensei is any good at all he or she should have no problem talking to the power ranger and getting things straightened out without you needing to bring the subject up again.

10

Heh. I like the way you think. Using your powers for good, but in an evil way.

11

Thanks for your advice, FallenAngel. As it turns out, I got through about half of yesterday’s class before the elbow started to bother me again, and then it bothered me a lot. So I bowed out, and my sensei inquired privately as to what was up, and I let him know my concerns. He was grateful to have it brought to his attention, and I’m sure that the Ninja Turtle in question will be dealt with well.

Meantime, it looks like I’m going to be sidelined for a few days. Ah well, any excuse to take it easy and not do any work at all for a few days.

12

I agree with FallenAngel: you or your sensei should throw him around until he learns some sense. I’ve seen too many people come into the dojo wanting to prove something and I really don’t have time for it. If he can’t show the proper respect for the instructor, the school and his fellow students, he’s asking for some knots on his head (or cracked ribs, or whatever).

bauble