someone said, “Do you hear that heady silence?” No one answered, it being impolite to talk with your mouth full. Just then…
…all the sorority girls decided to wet down their…
…front lawn by turning on the sprinklers. Out on the lawn they found…
…my old trampolene with one bent leg, then they…
…a pair of Golden Tablets sacred to the Church of the Latter-Day Saints…
… who taught me that I never should …
…say hell. But what the hell. I whipped out a clothes hanger and some tartar sauce and started to…
oil it up. Then, for protection, one of the girls gave me…
Twist and bend the coat hanger, until I had it in the proper shape, then I covered it with toilet paper using the tartar sauce as plaster. All this time the sorority girls were eating oysters chewing the box, and snorting my spanish fly stash.
Finally when it was finished I spun around and showed them my impromptu sculpture. The brunette with the perky boobs exclaimed "My God, it’s…
…something my gynecologist, who I am extremely attracted to, by the way, might use to…
…weed her garden. But before I could warn her, she had snatched it from my grasp, placed it on the ground for leverage, and began to…
Patrick Duffy. He came in through the bathroom window and asked if he could watch.
I didn’t mind, since I was getting tired anyway. So I grabbed the closest blonde and entered her…
…hot, soaking wet canal. She explained they built it around the sorority house after returning from a recent trip to Venice. She apologized for the rain and humidity, but I didn’t mind as she planted her lips around my…
… gun and said …
…I can’t talk so well while I’m sucking your .44, but…
“Is it true you are shooting blanks?”
Enraged, I popped a cap in the back of her head. I had been looking all evening for a way to open my bottle of beer.
When I was done, she took the bottle and. . .
…inserted it into the hot blonde’s…
…dorm-sized refrigerator, kept on the porch for just such occasions. I climbed onto the porch swing and…
… said “Enough goddamned foreplay. Are we gonna do this or not?”
The blonde replied …
“You shore do have a purty mouth.”
I heard banjo music in the background.
I took the blonde inside to . . .