You. Are. Severing. The. Relationship.
They. Are. Not.
You are accountable for the things you do, they are accountable for the things they do.
They smoke weed.
You end your relationship with your children.
Ending relationship because they do drugs.
Yes, both accountable.
Imagine someone else took your exact position, only their kids hadn’t done drugs. They’d had protected sex in a loving relationship with a long-term romantic partner, something some people consider deeply immoral. If a mom came to you with this same reaction–I have to cut them out of my life because they’ve ruined their futures, they will never have good relationships, they will be tainted–would you support that decision? If a person you knew said that they couldn’t ever see their children again because that child had chosen extramarital sex “over them” and that it was the kid who “made the choice”, would you agree with that?
How do you feel about people that disown gay kids?
Being gay is not a choice.
Using drugs most certainly is a choice.
As for the sex, again already dealt with that with my older son. I found out about it and was obviously surprised but glad that he used protection with his girlfriend. I wasn’t thrilled but at least he was safe.
So does your husband know what you are considering?
Surprised that I dealt with a teenage issue that way?
My husband is concerned but thinks it’s not the end of the world. They are still without their phones. And they may get drug tested in the future by him.
That’s how he is dealing with it.
That they used drugs
Now they have stopped
Does your husband know you are considering leaving your family over this? And if so what was his reaction?
Having gay sex is a choice. Lots of parents that disown gay kids would welcome them back if they agreed to be celibate.
In any case, that wasn’t my question. If another mom told her that she couldn’t have a loving relationship with her kid because he had pre-marital sex, that she never wanted to see her grandchildren from him, that she’d never call him or visit or send a birthday card once he moved out, that she no longer felt attached to him, that she didn’t love him any more because he had sex, would you tell her she was doing the right thing? Would you think her response was appropriate? Or would you feel like her son was being done wrong?
Your relationship with them is only as irreparable as you choose to make it.
While I think everyone is right in believing that your behavior is likely to increase rather than decrease the possibility of their returning to drugs, that’s neither here nor there in the long run.
You are saying to them, “your ability and willingness to remain drug-free is more important to me than YOU are.”
No one can make you change your priorities. But as the late, great Terry Pratchett, who was a lifelong atheist, wrote, “sin is when you treat people as things.” You’re treating your children as less important than a thing. If you want to place a higher value on that thing than you do on your own children, nobody can stop you.
But don’t be surprised if even people who, like Pratchett, aren’t the least bit religious find that set of values, well, sinful.
And if, someday when your kids are self-supporting and productive members of society, you think, “now they’re okay, now they meet my standards, I’d really like to be able to have a relationship with them now,” don’t be surprised if they want nothing to do with you.
Son being done wrong obviously
It’s sex and when protection is used, no health issue or resulting pregnancy.
Drug use comes with a whole host of health issues -
Brain development issues, lung illness, arrhythmia, heart issues. And could also lead to addiction (because my family has addiction issues)
This comes up in other debates. You use the work because, but the link is tenuous.
The action you are planning in response to their drug use is not inevitable. It is not required, nor is it recommended by “experts”.
It is 100% your choice, as there are many other choices you could take, but you have chosen this one.
You prefer to attribute this action to your sons choices, to link it as an inevitable consequence of their mistake. That doesn’t make it true, this is all you.
IOW, because drug use could have bad consequences, you’re going to give them an even worse one - denial of a mother’s love.
Well, that sure makes a lot of sense. :rolleyes:
Sex can lead to unhealthy, self-destructive relationships, self-esteem problems, pregnancy (nothing is 100% safe), accusations of rape. There’s also a lot of people that believe pre-marital sex lessens the sanctity of marriage, forever denies you and any potential spouse from having a unique, loving relationship. There’s a lot of people that believe it offends God. Why would those reasons be different than yours?
What if you found out they’d been street racing? That’s absolutely, 100%, no question, more dangerous, more expensive, more likely to hurt innocents. Would you feel the same then?
If obviously I’ve stated since my first post that drugs are the no-go zone for me, my Achilles heel.
I don’t know why ppl are comparing it to grades or sex.
I have big issues with drugs.
We all see and acknowledge it.
*Beating my head against a stone wall again.
And what if they don’t use protection? It happens. Kids act on impulse and don’t always plan ahead. How would you feel if they got a girl pregnant or contracted an STD? Have you or your husband had “the talk” with them and stressed using protection?
But that’s YOUR problem. YOUR trigger issue. It’s an irrational over-reaction. If another person’s trigger issue was sex, would that mean you’d think they were entitled to cut out their children? To stop loving their kids? I think in those cases, when it was someone else’s trigger, a trigger you “don’t get”, you’d think they should find a way to get past it. But when it’s your trigger issue, it’s reasonable to you.
Drugs can lead to disease, death, homelessness, bankruptcy, losing custody, divorce
If you don’t have prior knowledge of the answer to this one, you probably never will.
Has your husband ever used marijuana?
Or none of those things. You have gotten boring.