Of late, I’ve been re-examining what I do with my life, and I came to the somewhat saddening conclusion that these days, it’s all about MMO’s and RPG’s. Don’t get me wrong; if I didn’t like them, I wouldn’t play them.
However, I know that when I was younger, I used to discuss with my friends all manner of things, especially of a cultural nature. Movies, art, politics, mythology, theater (especially Shakespeare), even some branches of science. It felt intellectually stimulating.
Now it seems that these things have left my life. When I talk with my friends, we either discuss the aforementioned MMO’s and gaming, or what we want to watch on Netflix. It seems as if the contents of our lives have become ‘what is the next small-effort entertainment?’, and that worries me. I’d like to return to those moments where we can sit and talk about Shakespeare, but I’m getting the vibe that I’m the only one in my social circle who’d want things to be that way.
I guess what I’m wondering is, does everyone go through this? And if so, is there some way to reverse the situation?
To some degree, I think it’s the loss of imagination and of patience as one grows older and gets wiser. The imagination goes because there’s too much “real life” hogging your bandwidth. The patience goes because you get old and crotchety. For example, I don’t bother to argue with people on internet message boards anymore…
However, the people you hang out with and the decisions you regularly make about how to spend your time can make a big difference. Sounds like you need some different friends. Look for book clubs, debate clubs, groups that play pool or cards or even (!!!) sports, clubs that focus on something like electronics or weaponry or whatever else people get passionate and het up about. Probably clubs in which everyone agrees with each other from the outset–like political clubs or churches–will be less interesting than clubs that are founded around lively debate.
Taking martial arts classes at a non-competitive dojo that focused on bushido and learning forms correctly, rather than progressing through the ranks as quickly as possible, was one of the more intellectually stimulating things I’ve done as an adult.
I also have a group of friends who prefer to sit around, drink wine, and maybe play a board game, rather than watch movies. They’re all thirty-ish. They do exist.
PS: none of us play video games, at all, ever. I don’t because it feels like such an empty, unrewarding waste of time. I’d rather garden or cook or sew or knit.
No, I don’t think it’s inevitable, and it’s certainly reversible. You probably just need to enlarge your circle of friends.
I belong to a book club, which is a mostly feminine phenomenon, but there are certainly book clubs with guys. If you can’t find one IRL, go online–I am currently in 3 online reading challenges and they are a lot of fun. This is a sort of clearinghouse for reading challenges, but they aren’t all on there by any means–only one of mine is.
You might approach just one of your IRL friends, saying “Hey, I miss those days, do you? Maybe we could do something…” and work out from there. Or just read a neat science book, bring it up next time, and see what happens.
I’ve also taken classes in skills I want to learn–sometimes I’ve just done a lot of solo reading and experimenting when it’s a niche sort of skill. (I’ve been learning smocking. No one in Northern CA smocks, so I do it on my own and have online friends.)
Getting exercise, esp. communally, is good too. I walk a couple miles with friends every morning, and it’s good for conversation as well as the waistline. My husband seems to think this is not a manly thing to do, though, so maybe not for you. But there are lots of similar options.
Do you still do cultural things? Go to the theater or museums etc.? Maybe you have a buddy who would want to go see something with you–or you could go alone and see if there’s a group to join.
I volunteer at a home for elderly people, and as much as I’d like to think it’s for them, it’s really for me. I am a huge World War II/40s era buff and I love to talk to these folk.
We have great debates, for instance we’ve never been able to figure out if, according to them, guns, alcohol and drugs were more availabe and easier to get back in the 40s, is the crime rate higher now.
I think people tend to talk about what they have common interests in. There’s nothing wrong with discussing TV or games or anything, you can have a intellectual conversation.
I also think things like cell phones contribute to this feeling. Too many times people pick up the phone and just talk about nothing. Ten years ago when there were very few cell phones, people wouldn’t do this. They’d be at the bus stop and actually have to relate to what was going on around them. Now they just call someone and mindlessly gab to pass time
I agree with the suggestions of a book group or a class, and I’d strongly suggest not worrying too much about whether something is “manly” or not as that’s just going to limit your opportunities for broadening your horizons (besides, who gets to decide what is or isn’t manly anyway?). I belong to a book group and really enjoy it, even though it’s mostly older women who go, partly because I get to have an interesting discussion about the book and partly because I get to experience viewpoints of people very different to me.
If you go to a class of some kind you have no idea of who you’ll meet. I started going to a dance class and ended up making friends with a few people there, one of whom is one of my best friends.
Really anything that mixes up your social circle is probably going to help, if nothing else because it will give you something to talk about with your existing friends.
I really missed college for a while, where you had to sit down and learn a bunch of new stuff all the time on a deadline, and you couldn’t just read passively. Then my boyfriend decided to run for mayor and I somehow ended up his research advisor, which is… stimulating. And really hard. But it definitely fills that gap!
I used to get zero intellectual stimulation. Now I get quite a lot; because I made up my mind to do more with my free time than read novels.
It was fully under my control because conversation isn’t what I want. I do research or learn new things on my own. If I want any kind of discussion, I use the internet. The people I know in the real world mostly don’t share my interests, which is fine by me.
I don’t think it’s inevitable. I actually started reading nonfiction within the last couple of years, and I’d never had any interest in it (beyond reading for classwork) when I was younger. I read a lot for work, and I’m still interested in a biography or a “deeper” fiction book, or an interesting non-fiction book, when I get home. I also started listening to NPR when I started commuting, and it’s helped me discover a lot of music and books I’d never heard of, and I’m more informed about current events than I’ve ever been. (I’m 30, so I’m at the age where I’ve probably gotten through the post-college doldrums some people seem to experience.)
I also play an MMO (the ubiquitous WoW), and it’s easy to get sucked in. I’ve gone through periods where I played video games more than anything else, usually as an escape from work stress, and it’s easy to play to the exclusion of other things if you aren’t careful about monitoring your game time. If you’re worried about it, take a break from the games for a couple of months and see what you fill your time with, and then decide whether to play again. Video games can be good or bad, depending on how you use them. On one hand, I think they’re a lot more interesting and stimulating than parking myself in front of the TV when I’m tired after work. On the other, it’s important to make sure you’re not using them as a substitute for real-life socialization and meatspace hobbies.
I guarantee you that almost every museum in your area either has a suggested donation admission or 1 day a month where entry is free to everyone. Book clubs are a great way to learn something new to discuss with your friends. Look in your local paper for free lectures, trivia nights, and other intellectual things. This is the kind of stuff I do all the time and I constantly feel intellectually stimulated, but then again this is the kind of stuff my friends do all the time too.
I would recommend that if your group is very movie/game focused to combine that with something more cultural. Go see the Frida Kahlo exhibit at your local art museum and then follow up with an evening of watching Frida. Go see the fossils at your local natural history musem and then rent Jurrasic Park. In February read Shutter Island and then go see the film version when it hits theaters. That way everyone keeps seeing movies like they always have but they also got to see what inspired that movie or read the original version and compare the two.
