Deep thougts, by My Buddy.

A friend of mine e-mailed me these today, and I thought they were hilarious.

I’m sure manny of you have heard/seen these before, and I was hoping that you all could add some more.
I love these deep thoughts, they make me shake when I laugh like a bowl full of jelly… or maybe it’s the all double-bacon-onion-ring-extra cheese burgers.
Can you add more deep thoughts? Make them up, take them from somewhere, I don’t care.

My personal favorite that I saw on SNL was this:

If you ever drop your keys in a river of molten lava, just let 'em go, cause man, they’re gone!

These are those that my friend sent today:

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I
can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

If I ever get real rich, I hope I’m not real mean to poor people, like I am

I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all
day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. I
was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks
all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.

I think that a hat that has a little cannon that fires and then goes back
inside the hat is at least a decade away.

Broken promises don’t upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?

You know what’s probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the
summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big
bag full of blood.

Consider the daffodil. And while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here,
looking through your stuff.

Instead of putting a quarter under a kid’s pillow, how about a pine cone?
That way, he learns that “wishing” isn’t going to save our national

Somebody told me how frightening is was how much topsoil we are losing each
year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

If you see an animal and you can’t tell if it’s a skunk or a cat, here’s a
good saying to help: "Black and white, stinks all right. Tabby-colored,
likes a fella.

I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but
listen to yourself!

I’d like to see a guy tap-dancing so fast his legs actually broke, because
it would finally establish a “tap barrier,” and we could move on from

One thing a computer can do that most humans can’t is be sealed up in a
cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.

I love it! :smiley:

One of my favorites from Jack Handy was the one about Disney:
(heavy paraphrasing)I told my kids I was taking them to Disneyland. Instead I drove them to a burned down warehouse and said “Look, Disneyland burned down”. I was going to take them to the real Disneyland, but it was getting late.

Daily original “Deep Thoughts”-type offerings can be found at under “Today’s Ruminations.” Some of those can be pretty good, too. One off today’s screen:

They say you can’t pick your family… but with a little practice, you can pick them off one by one from the top of a hill at the family reunion.–Lili Von Schtupp

My favorite:

They say to understand a man, you should walk a mile in his shoes. If you don’t understand him then, hey, you’re a mile away and you’ve got a free pair of shoes.

Hmmm…I had forgotten about the shoes thing in my signature…kinda eerie, if you ask me…

My favorite was always (slightly paraphrased, I think)

So many people think clowns are funny. Actually, I think they’re a little scary. I guess that’s because when I was young I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.