I wish I was like the celebrities I see on billboards: Beautiful, rich, and large enough to step over an overpass.
When I was a kid, I was always picked last for dodgeball. But scabs are never picked at all. Maybe that’s why I have always felt marginally superior to scabs.
I believe in putting all my eggs in one basket. If you put them in two baskets, then both your hands are tied up and what with opening doors and carrying them from the hen house, you are likely to drop one of the baskets. Now all of your eggs are in one basket anyway, only there’s only half as many of them. Plus you are probably all agitated because you dropped the first basket, making it more likely you drop the second basket.
When you have a disagreement with someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you end up a mile away, and you have their shoes.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If the early bird gets the worm what is the motivation for the early worm?
Sometimes you do everything right and they still die.
I was jealous of my friend who was banging his teacher, then I remembered he was homeschooled.
I hate lottery winners! Why cant I win, arent I next in line?
Late to bed, late to rise makes a woman sick, poor, and dumb.
When life gives you eggplant, make eggs! Plant those suckers, water well, cover with peat and soon you’ll be scrambling to find some bacon.
What screws up traffic are the idiots in front of me that go too slow, and the assholes in back of me that ride my ass. Most traffic problems would be solved if they would just switch places.
I give you Anna Kendrick’s Shower Thought’s. I believe they’re based on a similar bit Nick Offerman did and as much as I like Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman can be kind of an ass. I only made it a few chapters into his book and had to put it down. So I’m not linking to it, but it’s probably a related video if you want to watch it.
Oh and ‘what if rocks are actually soft and squishy but only tense up when you touch them’?
in worm lore they’re very much encouraged to be late;)
I may be wrong, but I believe the OP was looking for original deep thoughts.
mmm
Are there any truly original deep thoughts on a planet where 110 billion or so people have existed?
ETA: I’ve wondered for a while about home-school peculiarities that never make the news. I’m glad someone else has apparently considered the possibilities.
Every dog has his day.
Tomorrow, for example, is the property of Sir Fluffington Rowsby, a labradoodle-chihuaua cross who lives with a disability pensioner on a cul-de-sac in Port Adelaide. Sadly, all notifications of this event have gone unread. Always check your Google alerts, people
It’s a good practice to always burn your bridges, that way people can’t sneak up behind you and bite you in the ass.
What is the problem with the meek inheriting the earth? They’re meek, we can just take it back from them. What are they going to do about it?
I felt bad about having no shoes ( Thanks for that Askance) until I met a man with no legs and I thought what the hell is someone doing with another guy’s legs?
I had a Deep Thought once, and I said to myself, “That might come in Handy!”
As it turns out it was in a Handy book.