So I was sitting at the computer one afternoon and the following happened to me:
{knock knock}
{open door to ravishingly handsome 19-year-old Canadian stud muffin}
Him: Hi, my name’s Matt McLauchlin and I’m the NDP candidate in your riding. I’m going through the riding reminding people to vote on November 27.
Me: {stunned silence}
Him: Uh, I was hoping I could count on your support at the polls…
Me: {eyes wide}
Him: See, I’m very liberal, and…
Me: {drools}
Him: Uh, maybe I better…
Me: {grabs helpless sex kitten}
Him: Yoink! {followed by pleasurable moans, groans, and false protestations}
Me: {sets him back neatly onto front porch after several hours of wild, passionate lovemaking}
Him: {ahem} Yes. {goes to next house, with a bit of a glow and a cheerful, winsome smile}
I have had a few run-ins with JW’s, everytime I move, basically. I have a no-fail line for when they appear at my door, they never come back.
“I would love to hear what you have to say, but as I am Christian, would you mind if we pray together first??”
I have had an in-depth conversation with some poor Mormon guys from down in the southern U.S., sent up here. We sat and chatted about the Pan-Am Games. They didn’t even mention their faith, just seemed happy to not have a door slammed in their faces. They sat and talked for almost an hour.
Well, we now know why Esprix is moving to San Diego. Clearly the gay porn film industry is recruiting him for his scripting skills!
My wife loves having JWs and other evangelistic types visit and try to witness: she proceeds to witness to them about why they should become Episcopalian. (She’s stating her honest convictions, but having fun at doing it, too.) Any argument they begin with Scriptural texts, she refutes and turns it to make her point.
One of my boys answered the door politely a few years ago.
“Hi, I’m a Jehovah’s Witness and I’d like to talk to you about God.”
“Pleased to meet you. I’m a Satanist, myself.”
I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness (eventually my atheism got in the way of that) and we had all the luxuries that could be afforded. As did everybody I knew in the congregation.
Admittedly, they didn’t see the need for advanced education (if the world is going to end soon, spend your time worshiping, not learning) but I never heard any arguments against material objects. Materialism is bad, but the objects themselves are fine.
Could it be that these things differ, regionally?
I agree with the materialism=bad thing, that’s what they explained to me as well. But the guy who showed up at my door also condemned the items themselves. He said that to live sober without unnecessary luxuries was part of his belief.
Was he mistaken, or are there (marginal) differences in the way the Jehovas carry out their beliefs worldwide?
In any case, it’s easy to see that Skinny not having a TV made the JW see him as less materialistic, hence: an OK dude
A while back on a saturday morning a mixed-age group dressed in suits knocked on my door. Through the peephole I noticed that one of them was holding a black, gold-edged book. So I went back to surfing the net instead of answering the door. About an hour later I started getting hungry, wandered over to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal and I heard voices outside. The suits were sitting on my porch having a theology discussion!
I pulled the door open and said loudly, “Can I help you people?”
Senior member (surprised): “Ohh!! We didn’t think you were home!”
Me: “What?! You come to my house while I’m not here?!”
Senior member: “No… no! no … we… um…”
Me: “Why do you come to my house and have meetings when I’m not home?! What the hell is wrong with you people!? Don’t you have somewhere to go?! Can’t you go have meetings in your car instead of at my house!? How long have you been here?!”
Senior member: “No, you see… you weren’t home and…”
Needless to say, they pulled a quick retreat. I won that time. That was the first, and it gave me hope for the next confrontation… but that’s a different story.
Hey, Polar, great story. My technique is a little simpler, but i’m sad to say, not nearly as much fun. I’m a teenager (and you probably know most adults ideas about teenagers who listen to rock music). The only time I’ve really had to deal with a JW, He was at my door with one of those pamphlets. He opened to the table of contents, and said “Which parts of this interest you?”. I quickly pointed out the two that mentioned Satan. He said, “And why may I ask is that?” So I just said, “Cause they’re about the Devil, he’s cool.” REALLY QUICK, the guy goes, “Well, how about I leave this with you, and maybe come back to discuss it with you later?” Needless to say, I never heard from him again.
I swear this is true. I live in the rural part of my county, well outside the city limits, and I have a pretty large area of land around my house. Among my other hobbies, I sometimes skeet shoot in the field behind my house. One day I was outside shooting when I heard a car pull into the driveway. Imagine the surprise on the faces of the witnesses when I came around the corner carrying my 12 gauge. Needless to say, they beat a hasty retreat. I honestly wasn’t trying to scare anyone, but it ended up being a really great moment anyway. They probably think I’m some sort of psycho.
I prefer the “maximalist” approach to dealing with door-to-door religious men (they’re always men, aren’t they?)–earnestly discussing the finer points of 16th-century English popular theology. Yeah, it may take a while, but you should see them staggering away after I’ve made comments like “The essentially neo-Wycliffian stance of the proto-Protestant East Anglian late Lollard hierarchy paved the way for Anabaptist Dutch influence on the region in the form of such Calvinist-supporting spiritualist groups as the Family of Love and the Brethren of Christ, which were in no way related to the Zwinglian leanings of the…” etc etc etc.
Actually, Duke, the few I’ve been treated to are women, and VERY persistant women at that.
One thing I’ve always wanted to do is have a table with a black cloth prominently displayed in a corner, with an upside down crucifix above it, and maybe a goat’s head on it. But I’ve heard that doesn’t discourage them after all.
Doesn’t it make you wonder what JW’s talk about when they get together? I can just picture a bunch of them recounting these stories from their point of view…
Lola, good point. I can barely imagine the stories they must tell each other. Stuff like, “Yesterday, a man I encountered had 3 dead cats hanging above his door, but he wasn’t very materialistic, so he must have been a very nice man, despite his brutal animal practices.” Oh, man! That would crack me up if I heard something like that!
Another thing. I hate that JW’s always come at a bad time. I mean, if they showed up when me and my friends are just sittin in my room with nothin to do, it’d be sweet cause I’d have lots of fun messin with 'em, but it’s like they’ve got some kinda radar that tells them if you’re doing something important or eating dinner. Then they come. They never show up when you’re looking for something to do, or they would probably be one of my favorite forms of entertainment.
