Delicious irony! I canvassed a Jehovah's Witness!

And that’s what you love about me, right?

Jehovah’s Witnesses almost never come to my house.
i do not know why that is.
i live in the suburbs and there is a JW church a couple miles away.

i wish i had a chance to harass them, people sometimes come by witnessing, but mostly they just drop off a flyer and leave. the most recent flyer was a screed agianst birth control and was propmtly SLUNG INTO THE TRASH CAN.

Can’t…breathe…<GASP!>…laughin…g…too…hard…

:note to self - place thick absorbent towel over keyboard and monitor [u/before drinking coffee and reading anything by Esprix:

My work here is done. :wink:

And matt, I’d love you even if your lips didn’t buzz. (Now, about that vibrator of yours… :D)

Esprix

When we uised to have Mormons coming around to witness, these two mormon guys would come to our house. My mom attempted to explain why they should become Catholic. She says they really started to take interest in it. After a couple or so sessions of my mom explaining Catholocism, they didnt return. She thinks they got worried they might actually be interested in being Catholic.

Anyway, one of my tricks was to take my Buddha statue I have in my garden and put it on this little wooden bench i made. I’d then decorate it with flowers and incense. I dont think they attempted to even set foot in our yard. Now they avoid our house altogether.
BTW: Good job, Matt.

AFAIK, all the JW’s i’ve seen have the same things other people have. My Older bro’s fiancee who was JW, never mentioned anything about being anti-materialistic (in the sense it seems for Dutch JW’s). She had a stereo, CD’s all that. So, i think there are marginal differences in the way they believe world wide.

How ironic – a JW came by this morning, while I was reading my email, after taking a shower. So I’m sitting here in a T-shirt with wet hair and there’s a knock on my door. (No, the t-shirt wasn’t wet, I know your dirty minds.)

Now, I’m pretty short. And I didn’t undo the chain lock, and I’m shoving my cat away because he really wanted to go outside and he’s not allowed, so she didn’t get a really good look at me She hands me a flyer (entitled “THE NEW MILLENIUM – What Does the Future Hold for You?”) and tells me to give it to my parents. Hello? I’m 24 years old. I looked at her and said, “I live here.” She got really embarassed and left.

Hmm. Maybe I ought to read this thing. It might provide a few laughs.

You know, in all of my 27 years on this planet, I have never been approached by a JW or a Mormon.

I feel left out. Really. :rolleyes:

“Yer weird. Cute, but weird. ;)”

"And matt, I’d love you even if your lips didn’t buzz. (Now, about that vibrator of yours… ) "

“Mmmm? Mm! Mmmmmm mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”

"…maybe we could, um… "

“mmmmmm…”

Boys, get a room. We’re *trying[i/] to have a discussion here :slight_smile:

Well, if I can stop the meat market process here for JUST a moment :wally I had the WWF version at my house. (FUNDAMENTALIST SMACKDOWN!!! TONIGHT AT BOB’S!!!) I was approached by JW’s and started studying with them (about 25-30 years ago) and they were really trying to get me to dunk myself and do the whole thing. Then I ran into some Baptists at a concert and they wanted to save me too. So I thought “Cool! Comparison shopping!” and studied with both for a while until I let slip to each that I was learning from the other. This of course disturbed their composure, and I offered to have both reps at my house at once.
Well, they went at it with both barrels and were unfailingly polite but amazingly grim. Each was flipping pagess at a furious rate, I was sure they would set their bibles aflame. But the coup de grace was when they each defended the opposite view using the SAME passage of scripture. I told them both that God had worked his will in my heart and they could both go home and not come back. They couldn’t counter my trump card and left. It was a truly enlightening experience, and now I’m jewish!!! ;j

At this point, it is my sacred and patriotic duty to remind y’all of the Parable of Kissing Hank’s Ass.

When Johnny Carson was still host of the Tonight Show he did a thing called “What You Will Never Hear”

Here’s an example: “Honey, put another pot of coffee on, the Jehovah’s Witnesses are here!”

Ages ago I sent away to American Atheists for some of their literature, and they sent me a number of their equivalent of “tracts”.
I happened to have them readily available when the JW’s came calling one day, and when they wanted to leave me some of their literature, I grabbed a couple of the AA tracts and told the JW’s that I would read theirs if they would read mine. When they told me they couldn’t read atheist literature, I told them I was sorry that I wouldn’t be able to read theirs.

My mom did that with her church magazine - at the time, JW material actually cost about 20p - she said she would buy theirs if they would read hers…and hers was free. They left, strange that isn’t it?

This isn’t a JW story, but when I was a senior in high school I took the Armed Services Vocational Ability Battery (ASVAB) simply because it got me out of three classes that I hated. I planned on just marking all the answers C or something like that, but I noticed a few interesting and somewhat clever mechanical and electrical questions and decided to take the test seriously. Unfortunately, I aced the exam.

After that there was a period of time where I was repeatedly visited by recruiters from various branches of the armed forces (the only ones who didn’t send someone to my house were the Air Force and the Coast Guard). I told them I really wasn’t interested in joining the military, and most of them accepted that, but one was different. He was a very short Marine, in hindsight he looked a lot like Cuba Gooding Jr. but this was in 1990, I had never heard of Cuba Gooding at the time. I gave him my typical ‘I’m not interested in joining the military’ and he asked me why. I told him that it wasn’t something I was interested in doing, so he started asking me about my interests. He was a very enthusiastic guy and I’m basically nice so I didn’t just tell him to leave, I told him I played guitar. This lead him to asking what kind of music I liked, so I listed a few of my favorite bands, Metallica, Slayer, etc. He said ‘Oh, you listen to that Devil Music!’ I though he was joking and I laughed, but he wasn’t, and he asked me why I listened to it. I asked him what kind of music HE liked, and he said gospel music. I asked him why he listened to it, and he said to give praise to his maker. I said ‘Same reason I listen to MY music.’

The expression on his face when this sank in was actually kinda scary - his eyes got big and his jaw dropped. Eventually he stood up, I walked over and opened the door for him, and he left without saying a word.

I actually felt a bit guilty about deceiving him. I was an atheist at the time, and I probably contributed to this guy’s belief that the world was going to Hell in a handbasket.

(Quote)Anyway, one of my tricks was to take my Buddha statue I have in my garden and put it on this little wooden bench i made. I’d then decorate it with flowers and incense. (End quote)

Mama, is that you?!?! Or is my mother-in-law with a Catholic mother NOT the only person to do this?

Patty

I’ve only had one memorable encounter with JW’s:

I used to have a Great Dane/Doberman mix,named Mojo, who was the friendliest, sweetest dog in the world, but HUGE. I’m 5’9", and when he stood up and put his paws on my shoulders his head was above mine. So I’m just in the middle of letting him out my front door and to the gate in the back yard, and whoops, there’s a middle-aged couple, the man in a suit, the woman in a “Sunday” dress, in my carport, just approaching my front steps.
Before I could stop him Mojo ran to the woman and said “hi” in his prefered fashion, that is he stood up and put his paws on her chest and licked her face! Unfortunately in his enthusiam and her surprise he got so in her face that he practically bit her, that is his mouth was open and his teeth hit her face.
Of course I was terribly apologetic and felt bad about the whole thing but they laughed it off, although she was visibly shaken.
Then they brought out the JW literature and I didn’t feel so bad about what had happened. In fact I was tempted to let Mojo loose again! But I guess they weren’t eager to stick around too long as they just gave me some pamphlets and took off.

I have to say, my only encounter with JWs thus far was short, sweet, and cordial. I was on my way out of the house to my car, they (two impeccably groomed older women) were on thier way up to my house; we met in the middle. They smiled and said, “Hello.” I smiled and said, “Hello.” They offered a pamphlet, and I took it and said, “Thanks.” Then we all went about our business, and that was that. Maybe I just got lucky that I was obviously on my way out somewhere, but I appreciated the fact that they managed to do what they had to while allowing me to do the same.

I don’t have any personal JW stories but I hop this works for all of you. ( I don’t remember where I got this)

A car pulls into the driveway of a man with a dog. Being a normal dog, the dog starts to bark from his position in the yard. The is a JW sitting in the car, who rolles down his window to yell out to the man.
“Sir, could you please take you’re dog in the house, so we can speak.”

The man replies, “If you have faith, you have nothing to fear from my dog.”

When I still lived in Montreal, the JW’s held their world convention at the Olympic stadium. I lived on des Erables at the time, and had a friend who lived about three blocks further east on Sherbrooke (curiously enough, we were both New Democrats, from Alberta and British Columbia respectively). We quickly determined that our addresses had been circulated at the convention as being the nearest anglophones in walking distance from the big O. They were practically lining up the exterior stairwell to ring the bell. Goat heads being in short supply (and it was summer – gotta think about the flies after all) we quickly determined that a large display of Commie Kitsch in line of sight from the doorway (thank gawds I had someone bring me a bust of Lenin back from his visit to St. Petersburg) was a reasonable deterrent. Of course you had to explain who the guy on the pedestal was, but they got the idea eventually.