DEPRESSION, DISABLED AND HOW I'VE MANAGED TO GET BETTER HELP.

The BBQ Pit
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*** I’ve moved the post here (The squeaky wheel gets the grease) under a different name because those of you out there with depression, might not know what it concerns and I do want you, especially, to read it. Plus, I also need your letter writing abilities for congress.***

IF, FOR SOME REASON, YOU DECLINE OR CANNOT WRITE TO YOUR CONGRESSIONAL REPS, THEN E-MAIL ME WITH GENERAL OUTLINE OF YOUR PROBLEMS IN SURVIVING AND GETTING MEDICAL, PSYCHIATRIC OR FINANCIAL HELP AND I’LL INCORPORATE YOUR STORIES IN MY LETTERS – ANONYMOUSLY.

OK, I’ve posted before in the depression threads pointing out that I am disabled because of depression – bipolar – with attendant disorders and am on medication. Sometimes I don’t think so well – which, unfortunately can be seen in some of my posts. Since becoming disabled I have fought a hard and steady battle to survive economically and decided that our government has little regard for the poor and disabled and once one becomes a member of those ranks, one is considered subhuman which goes beyond racial and religious considerations. My battle to recover using the Social Service system has been one of intense frustration and discouragement, finding that help is limited in quantity and quality and that the system is poorly run for the most part and over taxed.
As I have said before, the government has no problem granting funds to Glacier National Park for a three million dollar outhouse in a remote ‘ecologically sensitive’ area that only the most determined hikers will ever poot in – but they have a big problem with granting money for medications, housing and food for the disabled and poor.

Now and then I hit a manic stage where I think remarkably clearly and have a fire in my belly and a goal in sight and a rage against the fact that American Citizens in the richest and best nation in the world can starve and die in the streets like animals.

Some time ago, in an effort to get an abscessed tooth fixed, I burned up my computer writing e-mails to every senator and congressmen and congressional committee that I could find plus did research on all existing Social Service programs, studied the local disabled and poor and checked their options – which I found appalling. As for me, no one would pull my tooth and an abscessed tooth does not go away. To keep it short – it CAN kill you but Medicare and Medicaid do not consider it life threatening and will not cover it.

I got few responses. Just the normal automatic ‘the Senator has received your e-mail and is interested in the contents and will look into it’ response and then, oblivion.

When my medication was stopped because Medicare decided that at $801 a month I made too much money for free prescriptions, it took me ages to find an alternate, free source by going through illegal means. Then my therapy was restricted due to budget cuts for mental health. Then the GOOD therapist I had was terminated along with others because of cost cuts. Yet, reports all over told how we are in the best financial shape since the good old days of the 60s and we have more millionaires and billionaires than ever before.

People in general are making more money than ever before and have more investments than even in the 1920s, plus are buying more toys and construction is up even with the high cost of housing.

Yet, because I am disabled and poor, no one would pull my tooth. No dentist would even set up a payment plan.

I had to follow a hidden and almost impossible to find trail of phone numbers to locate social help – they don’t like to make those numbers easy to find, and found I was either making too much money or did not qualify for some reason.

So I wrote to the Senators, Congressmen and Committees again, but this time with real mail. My letter was 10 pages long and went into gritty detail about how we 40 million American poor, disabled and starving are essentially fucked.

Within 6 months, the Governor of the State of Florida, the late Honorable Lawton Chiles, ordered Social Services to get my tooth fixed. Social Services decided to get them all fixed, and did. (Not very well, but I now have plates and a dispute with the cheap dentist over a tooth he wrecked and wants me to pay for.) I got back into therapy by discovering a little loop hole in the system no one told me about. LIHEAP paid my $400 back power bill, I started on government food (a whole $8 to $10 worth a month). and my letter even reached Senator Kennedy in the Social Security Committee and they responded – sort of.

I did get some free medication from a drug company, but only 1 prescription, then they cut me off without bothering to tell me.

Then, I lost my home of 10 years because I could not pay the rent, moved in with my family and remained quiet for a time as the manic episodes dwindled and depression oozed in. Things piled up. I needed to get the wrecked tooth fixed. I needed medication sources more secure than the illegal one I have, plus I needed to be upgraded to new medications that work better. I needed better therapy. I was very aware of the plight of other disabled people I know who are reduced to living out of dumpsters or going whoring to get rent and food money.

So, I burned up the trusty computer again when a mild manic stage hit me and started sending out letters to everyone. Social Services contacted me and they will be meeting with me tomorrow to get my tooth fixed because Senator Patsy Kurth sent them a copy of my 13 page letter with instructions to look into it. Plus they wish to discuss the many other complaints I listed. (I’d print the letter here, but I don’t think it would fit.)

Progress. I made THEM listen to me but I need HELP! I can work and present the plight of us to them until the depression closes in and then I have to drop out for weeks or months. Plus I need all of you disabled out there to go to the Government Mailing sites and start sending in YOUR letters with YOUR stories of difficulty, abuse, neglect and financial problems. (http://www.governmentguide.com/state/statehp.adp?type=aol) Sorry, I don’t know how to make a link yet.

Bill Gates is worth over 41 BILLION dollars and he pays a single million to charity. Corporate welfare is in the billions to companies which do not need it at all – like Walmart and Burger King as well as Pepsi and Coke.

Most depressives and disabled will NOT write because they feel their voice will not make a difference. It will. I have been encouraged by the Mental Health center to keep writing. (They have not had a budget increase since 1985 plus President Jimmy Carter – the Great Humanitarian – cut the mental health budget in the 70s and no one has bothered to restore it.)

So, make your squeaky voice heard. I did and I am getting some results but there is only me so far, though I write for several hundred others, and there are 40 million of us. The more who write in, the better. DO NOT E-MAIL. E-mail is not often read – because it is so cluttered with SPAM, so easy for nuts to bug congress and such that real mail is always paid attention to.

There are more sites to contact the government on the web with easier listings of mailing addresses.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease but I’ve only placed a drop on it. You tired of being treated like some sort of human garbage? Then write in. Medicare dropped me because I make too much money. Through some yelling and phone calls, I managed to discover an emergency Medicaid fund that I can apply for. It will not give me medications but it will stop the State from taking out that $45 from my check each month for hospitalization and might get me some food stamps. (Every little bit helps.)

Start writing.

What? Me worry?’

Rainbowcsr
Member
Posts: 117
Registered: Dec 1999
posted 02-18-2000 11:35 AM

MERLIN:
Thanx. I heard somewhere that Gates only donates a million to charity, and with my odd memory, I don’t recall where.
I bring up people li

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I disagree.

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You disagree with what? The guy’s in trouble, and I guess you think he should suffer instead of going to the big, bad Feds for help. It looks to me like both the gubbernmint AND charity failed him, big time.

>< DARWIN >
__L___L

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Libertarian might have picked the best approach by keeping it short and sweet.

Everybody fights a hard and steady battle to survive. We fight all our life until we die. Welcome to the real world.

I thought we actually agreed on something, but then I realized you probably want a bigger government, which means I will have to pay EVEN MORE taxes.

Do you even realize that you are fighting over money you have no right to? You did not earn this money. You have no problem stealing money from others, yet you get upset when you don’t get “your fair share.”

I can tell from your posts that you pay no taxes. NONE. Yet you are going to be upset that you are not getting enough.

Don’t you think you are being a little melodramtic here? I don’t see people starving and dieing in the streets. I bet that even you live in an apartment. I bet you eat quite well. Maybe you are a little over weight even. I’m sorry if you don’t get to eat at a 5 star restaruant every night, but I am sure you get to eat.

If you can manage to find a computer and get online, I am sure you manage to find a way to eat.

Did you ever consider using this energy to make a little extra cash so that you could PAY for what you needed?

Somehow when you put alternate, free and illegal in the same sentence I have vision of someone getting robbed.

Are you a thief? Does it make it OK to steal just because YOU think you need it more than the lawful owner does?

Are you telling me that we pay for several therapists for you? More than ONE?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So what? Poor little you deserves the money that someone else worked for?

No, they didn’t pull it because you wanted it done for free. Do you think the dentist gets all the medication for free? His rent? His tools? His education and training?

Of course not. Yet you will sit there and whine because YOU are getting shafted because he will not give you something for free.

If this is true, this is the only bright spot in your whole rant.

Do you live in space? Are you really living in America? One second there are billionares and millionares on every corner, but now there are 40 million poor Americans who are fucked?

Where do come up with the statistic for 40 million fucked Americans?

I have a million things to say here, but I will try to keep it short.

  1. You get what you pay for.

  2. You will never be satisfied.

  3. No one will ever be able to give you enough to make you happy.

  4. Am I on crack, or are you really complaining about your FREE work?

  5. The nerve of that dentist, actually wanting YOU to pay for something. Doesn’t he know that you NEEDED it?

Ignoring the money I PAID out in taxes, that is 410 dollars more than I got from the government last month. Re-enforcing my belief that nothing anyone gives you will ever be enough.

You used that power. You should have paid for it.

Could you be more ungrateful? Is it possible?

Repeat after me…

THANK YOU.

Would you rather have had the owner of the building just continue to pay the mortage out of his pocket so you could live there for free? After all, since he owns the building he can afford to can’t he?

Hopefully I won’t see those hidden phoe numbers on Billboards along major highways. That might drive me over the edge.

Your facts are hopeless. Bill Gates has founded the largest foundation in existence. I think his total contributions are around 10 billion. In addition, I think he has made arrangements for almost all of his wealth to go to charities when he dies.

Regardless, if he paid only a million, he is still on the plus side. Plus, as much as I hate windows, he has added tremendously to the growth of this country in the last 10 years.

And then again, you are forgetting the taxes that get extorted from him every year.

Further more, why should he give you even one red cent?

I stand mistaken. There are two things I agree with in here.

40 million greedy, starving, begging people who add nothing to society?

I doubt it.

Make that three things I agree with.

YES!!!

Now let me keep what is mine.

<BLOCKQUOTE><fo

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I thought Libertarian was just trying to turn this into a Great Debate.

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Freedom: I am a bit appalled by the crass and unabashed lack of consideration, sympathy, loss of any form of empathy or even much in the way of understanding that you have displayed in your post.

You kick dogs too, don’t you? Fess up now. Abuse animals? Just a little? Steal candy from kids? What you got is YOURS and, by damn and Uncle Sam, you ain’t gonna share with *none o’ them damn, worthless and shiftless skunks who pretend that they sick so’s they kan git a free ride. The Gu’bbermint oughta toss 'em all in jail and git them off’n the damn street.?

How you doing? Good health? Good retirement plan? Good job? Good 401K? Excellent insurance? Nice home? What did you have for meals yesterday or today? Good grade beef, fresh vegetables, fine ham, fresh spuds. Florida or California orange juice? Beer? (Imported?) You ain’t going hungry none I guess. I’ll guess that if you have a heart problem that you’ll be on the list for a transplant. Have any problems in getting medications? Ever been denied medical care?

You selfish bastard!

You have absolutely no idea of what it is like to be down and out and you can throw your obnoxious opinions around like shit in a cesspool. You have no concept of what it is like to work hard, work well, have a good career going, enjoy your job and, suddenly, for reasons beyond your control, * SOMETHING* happens and you loose it all and are sick in ways you cannot imagine.

I’ve been down and out and I personally know the hard climb back to normality and I was not sick in the process. I’ve got depressed friends and their whole attitude changes and sometimes they cannot even fight to find ways to get better and, he is right. The government treats the disabled and helplessly poor like they’re some form of crap to be ignored and disposed of.

You’re kicking a man who probably is mostly down. You like doing that? Kick me instead because I’ll take your damn leg off. I’ve spent many a frustrating series of hours with mentally ill and disabled friends trying to get them some form of help from a system which presents confusing miles of red tape, does not make it easy to FIND the right places to go and usually greets you with some, bored and resentful minority from a job placement service who couldn’t give a crap about your situation.

I’ve know people who needed $800 dollars a month just to keep a roof over their heads and power on and the heck with cable or phone and gotten a whole $500 a month in disability. PLUS, they could not get rental assistance because they were SINGLE and had no kids.

I give heavily to charities for the poor, plus I make sure that I donate food to the free kitchens and I write to Congress also trying to get things better for the sick and helpless. I know exactly what it is like to live in a damn hefty bag tent in the middle of some scrawny patch of woods in a city, working for day labor, having the cops stop me because of the way I looked, being ‘thrown’ out of town and ‘encouraged’ to go to the next one.

I lived in that damn tent until I could save up enough money from having to put up with abuses and shit by ‘day labor’ employers that you would not believe to get a cheap room and some cloths and then started in bagging groceries and working as a ‘folder’ for 2 cents a paper at night for some paper carriers. From there I worked my way up to a good job and made good investments and now live the life I like – but I never have forgotten how I was treated and the people I met.

Are we our brothers keeper? In many ways, yes. I guess you ain’t.

Just hope like hell that what you have now is not suddenly gone and you find yourself in some roach infested, stinky low rent place or in a hefty bag tent, having to sleep lightly to keep from being robbed of what little you got.

It can happen to you.

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Amen! The whole system needs a major overhaul (say something obvious, okay I just did).

Part of Rainbowcsr’s problem (sorry if I didn’t get the name exactly right) is that he’s got the wrong disability.

I’m a proud, bleeding heart liberal, and when I read his post I couldn’t help but think that there has to be a job somewhere that he could do. But that’s because I don’t really understand depression, and the people who are charged with helping him probably don’t either.

But Freedom, if you care, and it sounds like you might not, even obviously disabled people who you might possibly concede as being “deserving” get shafted.

My husband worked and paid taxes from the age of 15. He spent the last 25 years of his life working construction. He got pulmonary fibrosis and had to quit, it was just too strenuous.

He then took a job on an assembly line – that was lighter work, but even that got to be too much for him. At this point, he couldn’t walk up a flight of stairs without stopping to catch his breath.

His doctor told him to apply for Social Security Disability. The “system” (joke joke) involves independent medical testing. He somehow passed those tests. It almost killed him, breathing into those machines. I guess the fact that he was blue when he finished didn’t register.

Those independent tests were all that mattered. The diagnosis and records and x-rays and test results from the specialists in Iowa City didn’t mean squat.

I wrote to Senator Harkin, asking him to take a look at the whole process. I couldn’t understand why someone so obviously ill, with a possibly terminal medical condition, was being denied.

The application was denied in May. He kept trying to work until September. He was dead the following January. He was 47. (Senator Harkins’ form letter response arrived in the mail a couple weeks after he died.)

My husband was no more nor less entitled to the benefit of these programs than someone disabled by depression.

I am glad that I can work and pay taxes and help take care of people who can’t do it themselves, for whatever reason. I just feel godawful lucky that I’m not in their shoes, and Freedom, so should you be. I’d even spare some to help you.

But, since this is the Pit, I might suggest you suck my dog’s dick first.

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So far this is in GD, at it was when I started this post.

By the time I end it, it may well have finished the trip.

Sentinel

Are you equating rainbow with an animal? As rough as you might think I am, at least I give him/her the dignity of being a person.

Yes, you are right. What is mine is mine. It is not yours to give away any more than a theif coming in the middle of th night has a right to steal my car.

Justify however you will, taxes are collected at the end of a gun. There is nothing noble about paying your taxes. NOTHING!!! There are serious consequences if you decide to keep everything you have rightfully earned instead of turning it over to an ungrateful like rainbow.

Ok. No. Self-employed. No. No. Apartment. Food from Costco. We cook a good variety of stuff. No OJ. Sierra Nevada. Nope. No doubt. Yes. Yes.

If this wasn’t an internet pissing war I would be happy to compare volunteer time over the last 10 years between you and me. I have no idea how much time you volunteer, but I know I come in near the top of any group.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
I started working construction when I was 14. I worked as a roofer in FL. while I was a full time student to pay the bills.
I stopped going to college full time when I was 19. I went part time as I worked for myself. I dropped out completely at 21 becasue I couldn’t do both and my business was more important to me. I haven’t worked for anyone else since I was 19. I started at the bottom and created my own company. 60 hour weeks are fairly common for me. I don’t complain becaus eI love what I do.

One of the problems you guys seem to have is an aversion to hard work. You make it out to be this HORRIBLE thing. I enjoy it. It sustains me.

[quote]
I’ve been down and out and I personally know the hard climb back to normality and I was not sick in the process. I’ve got depressed friends and their whole attitude changes and sometimes they cannot even fight to find ways to get better and, he is right. The government treats the disabled and helplessly poor like they’re some form of crap to be ignored and disposed of.

[quote]

You were down and out? Were you able to climb back out? If so, congratulations. Welcome to the real world. Welcome to sucess. It is differnet than failure. I’m sorry if that bothers you, but sucessful people DO deserve better stuff. Otherwise, why bother being succesful?

I also agree about the government doing a bad job of treating the poor and sick. That is why I think the income tax should be repealed. People should be able control their money. Let people people contribute to a charity IF THEY WANT TO. If not, then tough shit. We live in a Republic, not a Communist, socialist state. (at least it isn’t supposed to be)

Actually, no. But this guy isn’t just sitting at home sucking my money in. He is now trying to motivate others to suck in EVEN MORE money that is not theirs. Should I let this guy rant and rave all he wants? Does he have some immunity here on SD that I need to know about?

I tell you what, if he puts a label in his sig that identifies him as sub-huiman and sick, then I will agree to your terms and treat him as something other than a human.

Until then, I intend to treat him as I would any other thief trying to take my money.

My my. Are we a little racist? Elitist?

Can you at least see you ridiculous that sentence is?

Let’s see, somebody got their job through a job placement service, (more government assistance?) and you don’t like having to deal with them. They are just like rainbow. Ungrateful. They had no job, now they have been GIVEN one, and they couldn’t care less.

Maybe if they were a little hungry and went out to get a job because they needed it to eat, they would care a little more about keeping their job.

Of course, under your system it is impossible to fire them. So why should they bother to care? What happened to your magnificent system of caring people?

Sounds to me like they have a great opportunity to work extra hours. Looks like they have less people to spend their money on. When I was single, I worked a good 70-80 hours a week during the summers. If there had been more daylight, I probably would have worked even more hours.

Clap Clap Clap Clap

Good for you. This is between you and God. If you don’t believe in God, then it is between you and you. If you had a gun to your head and had to donate this money it wouldn’t be quite the same now would it? Plus, I bet that you even DECIDE how much to give. All by yourself. You look at the needs you see, then you look at what you can afford, then you make your own decision.

Maybe if taxes weren’t so high people would give more.

Well, I admit that you have beat there. I never lived in a garbage bag.

Thank you. You are proof of what I am saying. You got your ass kicked, you were miserable, and you got busy making your life better.

You are 100% what I am talking about.

Keeper? Maybe…Judge?..Well you sure seem to be trying hard at that one.

Answer me this:

Are we really re brothers keeper if we are forced to do it?

[quote]
Just hope like hell that what you have now is not su

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Oh well…

You guys got me so pissed off that I forgot to edit it before posting it. Since this looks like it is headed to the pit, enjoy all the typos…

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OK, For your information I am a BIPOLAR DEPRESSIVE WITH AN ANXIETY AFFECTIVE DISORDER, OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR AND AGORAPHOBIA.

Symptoms:** Agoraphobia**: I cannot tolerate being around people for very long. In a work or shopping situation, if I find myself unable to leave a place when I choose, I become nervous, anxious, tense and start to perspire and I get hot. I might begin to shake and get tunnel vision. I can abruptly loose my temper and become belligerent if forced to stay.

In mild instances, I get a GREAT urge to punch whatever luckless and innocent citizen who has managed, through some innocent fluke, to annoy me.

I do not trust people anymore, including what few close friends I have left and can even only tolerate family for certain periods of time. I shop at about 2 or 3 in the morning at a local Walmart which is open 24/7 because the amount of people there are few BUT if I get in the checkout line behind 2 or 3 others, I can become hot, nervous and want to get the fuck out of there.

I an VERY suspicious and mistrustful of all bosses. My opinion of Joe and Jane Average Citizen is very, very low if I have to be around them all of the time. I perform better by myself with limited contacts.

That is not conducive towards working.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR: Now, my friends, this is the *sweetest *of them all. Paxil had mainly controlled it but if I get tense for any reason, it has a tendency to rear it’s nasty head again until I can relax. It can pop up with any of my symptoms, complicating things.

Here are a few things I used to do:
Try to imagine an over riding URGE commanding you to do something and you cannot resist because in the back of you head you just KNOW that if you don’t do what it tells you, there will be DIRE consequences. (No, nothing like ‘voices’ telling you to hurt or kill someone.) I would try to leave for work and just HAVE to go back and check my gas stove to make sure the burners were off. Not just CHECK it either, but start at the right burner dial, closely examine the OFF sign to make SURE it was EXACTLY vertical, then work my way across, checking each one, while breathing in A CERTAIN way and if ANYTHING interrupted the process, I would have to start all over again. Doing it once, was NEVER enough. Sometimes I HAD to do it several times.

Now, during this process, my rational mind is telling me that this is bullshit and insane. Another part of it is yelling at me that I’m going to be late for work. The tension that builds up is massive! I want to stop but cannot because part of my mind tells me that if I do not follow the urge that something bad might happen, like my house burn down. Eventually, the urge wanes, and I can scuttle out of the door. Then I have to go back 3 or 4 times and rattle the door knob to make sure it is locked, KNOWING that it was locked. Sometimes I have to go back in and check my ashtrays to make sure, several times, that all of my cigarette stubs are out. (I got around that by piling up all of the house ashtrays in the steel kitchen sink before leaving – but I had to do that each time I left the house to work.)

Now, if people were around, I had to HIDE this behavior, being embarrassed by it, yet still somehow carry it out. It made for some interesting character traits. It also comes in many forms. I might be shopping and catch sight of a video tape on display as I pass and then HAVE to go back twice to read the label, even though I had already read it. I might HAVE to pass a display rack two or three times, including backing up to do it, just to get past.

Pleasant, is it not? Without Paxil, the behavior becomes nearly debilitating and Paxil is $90 a refill for the current 40 mgm dosage I take once a day.

Anxiety Affective disorder:

Pleasant sounding, is it not, for something which can turn your life into a living hell for up to 3 days at a time and make even going out for a snack hell? In my past jobs, I was expected to walk into and handle dangerous or critical situations, to work cooly and carefully, expose myself to potentially dangerous diseases and protect my staff. In other jobs I was responsible for the security, processing and safe handling of millions of dollars of goods.

Now, going to see a doctor can cause me a sleepless night. I find that if I have to do anything ON TIME, I get all knotted up inside and can’t do it and if I force myself to, I fuck it up. After being disabled, I discovered that I am an excellent small crafts maker and, started making little things out of wood and stuff and sold them. Suddenly, I had buyers stacked up – and I failed and had to shut down. Once people wanted me to make a certain number of things by a certain time, I could not do it – even if they gave me 8 months to do 2 months worth of work.

I would get anxiety attacks which turn your life into a living hell for anytime from a period of an hour to 3 days. Once I could not sleep for 2 and 1/2 days because each time I started to doze, I popped awake, feeling like I was suffocating. By day 3 I was becoming a psychological mess and my government sponsored psychiatrist – over whom I had no option or choice – decided NOT to give me tranquilizers because I an a recovering alcoholic. He would admit me to a psych ward though, which with my agoraphobia was not an option. Going nuts, I contacted my old, retired doctor, who was astonished at the psychiatrists’ response and who called in a limited order of Xanax. I took 2, fell asleep and slept for 8 hours. Took another and slept for 4 more and felt great. Plus, those 30 tablets lasted me 6 months because KNOWING that I had them, kept further attacks from becoming that serious.

Such a pleasant way to live, no?

Now for the king of the diagnosis, the menace from which most of the others spring: Bipolar Depression AKA often as Manic Depression AKA Chronic Melancholy (I like that one, don’t you?)

For one thing, I am never able to get very happy. Most of the time I walk through life depressed and unhappy. I can go from a middle of the road depression down to a deep, dark blackness in which I consider suicide or pop up to a somewhat exhilarating ‘high’ where I feel GOOD, have plenty of energy, don’t want to sleep much and can get very productive. That is the ‘manic’ state, but, unfortunately, it doesn’t last long. Maybe a day or two and often, while in that stage, things that I do that I think are done well are actually done poorly much of the time. When doing crafts, I spent a week in that state and was in my work room burning out Dremel cutting heads grinders and brushes churning out masses of fantasy tiny log cabins, tree houses, etched glass, and 12 inch tall, detailed out-houses. In between times, I gardened, mixed soil for my garden and made a compost pile. I did not sleep much and when I did, it was at odd hours.

Then, abruptly, with no warning, the high is gone and I plunge down into blackness and slowly come back up to the middle range depression. The interval between the manic stages and my middle of the road normal one are long. I get rapid emotional changes. I can go from being relatively content to very angry within a second for no apparent reason. (This kind of affects my interaction with people a whole lot.) Most of the time, if dealing with people, I am always slightly irritable and angry. Even when alone, I can get irritated at anything for no apparent reason.

I sleep poorly. I can not sleep normally. I snooze from about 5 am to about 9 am, then I’m up until about 2 PM, when I doze until around 4 PM – maybe. Then I’m up until around six and IF I eat then – having skipped breakfast and lunch – I will sleep heavily for 2 hours. Then I’m up straight through, with maybe a catnap in between. I try to get to sleep around 2 or 3 and will lay there, tired, eyes shut but my mind will not shut off and I will not sleep. If I should, the slightest noise awakens me. Eventually I reach a point where I’m too tired to get up but not tired enough to doze. THEN, around 5 or 6 am, I get to sleep.

Plus, som

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I’m laughing at myself. Geez, what a doofus. What made me think I was in the Pit? Maybe the tone of the discussion, I dunno.

Apologies are in order then – sorry for the inappropriate comment, Freedom.

But that doesn’t mean you don’t sound like a cold hearted SOB.

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Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention a few things.

When I was diagnosed as bipolar and all of the other shit, they put me on free medication that gave me awful side effects. They had to keep switching the pills, hoping to find ones which worked well with minimal effects. I did not have Medicaid which would pay for my pills – the good ones which are not free.

For almost a year I got to experience the following – either all together, or a couple at a time:

Heart palpation’s, blurred vision, upset stomach, constipation (now that was fun), loose bowels, shaking hands, problems with thinking at intervals, VERY rapid thoughts, very slow thoughts, loss of appetite, increase in appetite, dry mouth, sexual malfunction. (Guys, you’d love that one. It ranges from loss of desire to desire but failure to rise to the ability to rise but real damn hard to shoot.)

During this time I became a ‘pervert’ under a couple of the pills. Suddenly from basic sex, I started thinking about rape, play rape and bondage. Not me. Not usual at all for me. Since I still had an occasional girlfriend at that time, I discovered that pounding her during sex (no - not hitting her but you know, pile driver stuff) steamed me up, even though she did not like it. She left and I don’t blame her.

The urges ended when they took me off of that medication and poked me on another. THEN even the porn on the net or in my films did not turn me on. Twice I was offered sex but turned it down. It was too much effort. I mean, you work to get it up, poke it in, rub it back and forth among slippery membranes, get all tired and stuff, sweaty and stinky and finally manage to shoot. The few seconds of bliss is then followed by several long minutes of a profound letdown and, for me then, anyhow, suddenly I don’t want the girl around. (Again, not like me.)

Therapy and Paxil changed that. I’m normal again in desires but Paxil diminishes my function. (I just had to be in that 1% sexual dysfunction group of men that Paxil will do that to.)

So, since I’m a sponge and stealing taxes, how about having me live next to you and your family with NO medication at all and NO therapy. HMMMMMMM? By the way, there are 40 million of us out there. Not all depressed, but poor. 25 million of them are kids below the age of 12. I guess they need to get out and get jobs when their folks can’t even find work or simply cannot work?

FREEDOM: I had an excellent work record and managed to work for 20 years under depression, untreated until it finally reached the degree that stopped me. When I lost my job, I lost ALL of my security, insurance and benefits.
When I was working and paying lots of taxes, I had no problem with anything which went into the social services. I actually understand the need for taxes – mostly – for things like roads, fresh water, food controls, law enforcement, lawyers, jails, what free medical aide there is, and various agencies which make sure I get safe food, safe drugs, safe cars, safe products and enforce the various laws protecting me. You think that is free?

May the IRS do a COMPLETE audit on you.

What? Me worry?’

13

Freedom, what you fail to grasp from this post and the other replies here is that they are talking about a population of people who aren’t able to work due to being ILL.

Like you, I resent able-bodied, able-minded, lazy-assed shlubs who refuse to work when they can. But I draw a distinction between those people and people like Rainbow who are disabled and cannot hold down a job due to their illness. And I also distinguish between losers who simply won’t work, and people who have worked and paid taxes and find themselves in a position where they need assistance in order to survive.

I have worked and payed taxes since I was nine years old. I worked part-time all through junior high, highschool and college and have worked full-time since I was 21. I have paid my fair share of taxes for the past 20 years.

Three years ago, like you, I attempted to start my own business. Unfortunately, unlike you, despite all my tremendously hard efforts and long, dedicated hours, mine was unsuccessful. During the time I was self-employed I had to make some tough choices; eat and pay my rent or buy expensive individual health coverage. I chose to eat.

That left me with no alternative but to take advantage of FREE health services provided by our government. I did not apply for Medicaid, but I did go to the local free clinic for my routine medical care. Most times I paid nothing for my office visits and tests, but if I could contribute something, I did. Sometimes it was only $5.00, other times I’ve given as much as $50.00. But that hardly came close to covering the actual costs of all the treatment I received. The average gynecological visit runs around $125.00 including the lab fees for the pap smear. I couldn’t even begin to guess what a mamogram costs.

Over the course of 3 years I had several office exams, one of which detected the early signs of pre-cancerous tissue on my cervix. I was only able to get the procedure necessary to remove the life-threatening cells done because it was offered through the free clinic. Actually, they asked me to contribute $40.00, but that pales in comparison to the $500.00 bill that was presented from the hospital, which I no more could have afforded than I could have gone out and bought a Mercedes. For crying out loud, I was eating POPCORN for dinner most nights because I had to pay my rent and utilities, some of which were cut off from time to time for non-payment anyway.

But you really think that I have no right to those services? You’d really rather I DIED OF CANCER because I wasn’t working at that particular time in a job that afforded me the luxury of Blue Cross coverage?

And to make matters worse, when my business failed, I suffered a nervous breakdown and a severe depression set in. As someone who had always been independent and self-sufficient, I found myself in a situation that I never in a million years would have thought would ever happen to me. You’d better hope that nothing unexpected and catastrophic ever happens to you!

I did my best to get back on my feet, taking temp jobs and eventually finding “permanent” full-time work (again, paying taxes), only to be laid off due to massive budget cuts by a company that had recently contributed $25 MILLION to charity. But they didn’t have enough money to keep their employees earning a living and providing for their families. Doesn’t that kindof defeat the purpose?

And being unemployed by no fault of my own (read: I’m not a lazy asshole unwilling to work for a living) only made the depression worse. I physically couldn’t work for 5 months. Many days I couldn’t even get out of bed, that’s how debilitating this illness is. But loving, caring, hard-working individuals such as you would rather see people like me out on my ass without any support whatsoever, in spite of all I’ve contributed while I was working.

Thanks a lot!

You know, I’ve read with much interest the over 200-some-odd posts in one of the Libertarian threads, and in it I see that those who would like to see all government service eliminated feel that it would be a far better world if the average Joe on the block provided private programs to help people. Well if I had to live in a society where YOU were the average Joe in question, I would move to Canada.

It seems to me that your reply here completely negates any argument that people would just generously step in and take care of each other if there were no government agencies to do so. Clearly you don’t want to contribute, and I don’t trust that you would if you weren’t forced to, because you see anyone who’s not working as a thief, sucking away your hard earned money. In your world, I can actually see the starvation in the streets that you so vehemently deny is happening now. Thanks, but I think I’ll keep on paying my taxes and forcing selfish jerks like you to do the same. (I’ve been back working again for the past 5 months now, in case you’re interested.)

Rainbow, I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor to make those services that were designed to help those of us in need more accessible when we need them. If they’re there for us, they shouldn’t be so hard to get - it’s that simple. And godspeed to you with your health. I hope you can find a mental health professional that will give you the care and medication you need so that you can get back to being the productive, working individual that I know you’d choose being over being sick.

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank

14

Freedom, maybe you can find some useful material in the following for your next post:

15

Rainbow - I feel for you, but disagree with everything you’re saying. Our lives are wretched misery and nothing can change that. Through the daily melancholy and abject pain I am glad you strive to remedy your situation. Mania is divine: that clear, deep, fresh breath is so rare and precious. I am glad you reach out here to let others know that they are not alone and through activism can gain some results from the system.

But what you want is evil.

  • Your neighbor must give you money and services for free.
  • The government must pay your way.
  • Corporations must bear your burden.
  • The rich must feel guilty.
  • What you earn is not yours.
  • By contributing nothing, you deserve everything.
  • Drug me, drug me, drug me.

I have quit two good-paying jobs, two great lovers, and three close friends because of my depression, but in a million years I wouldn’t blame YOU or DEMAND that YOU bear my burden. I can not tolerate your point of view.

My heart wants to embrace you, laugh together, and inspect some of those amazing miniature log cabins you’ve crafted. My head wants to break both your feet and sever your thumbs so you can truly be “disabled” and receive society’s full compassion.

Yet to be reconciled with the reality of the dark for a moment, I go on wandering from dream to dream.

16

I’m surprised that you people are wasting your energy with Freedom anyway. First of all, there’s that username. “Freedom”? I could have called myself “BetterSmarterAndTougherThanThou” but I didn’t, now did I?

Then there’s that moronic political philosophy that says, essentially, that people who are born healthy and rich are just worth more than other people.

That just about sums up this lackwit’s philosophy. Oh, you have a different philosophy? Well

on you.

As with most political groups, there are smart libertarians who are worth the time and energy to argue with, and there are the others. Freedom is in the latter category.

17

Like I said, Libertarian took the smart approach by keeping it short and simple.

Sake Samurai,

I agree with everything you posted.

Rainbow,

I don’t care how bad you get without your medication. In my opinion, these medications are self-perpetuating. Sure, there are some people who need them, but I have seen too many people who use them as a crutch and excuse to avoid reality.

You can post 10 million reasons why life is so tough for you, I will never feel that you have ANY claim on anybody else’s property.

In addition, you seem to be about as ungrateful of a begger as they come. Have you ever once even said, or thought to say, THANK YOU?

My arguement is not about you personally, I don’t know the truth about you. My arguement is about the attitude that something is OWED to someone else for no reason whatsoever.

AuntiePam

No problem. I should have kept my arguements focused on the issue instead of the person. I might come off as cold hearted in here, but in real life I actually give alot. I think private charity is very important. I just can’t stand the government programs that trap people in a pattern of dependency.

I am the first person to stop and help someone. But I never think that am obligated to stop. If someone gets in a car wreck, I always stop to see if they need help. This doesn’t mean that people who get in an accident have the right to stop someone and MAKE them help them. If someone wants to keep on going, that is their business.

This whole taking money from the end of a gun lets people feel that they have already done their part. Why should someone help out when he has already had 30% of his pay taken from him?

Luxury is correct. Coverage is a luxury. You have ZERO claim on other people’s property no matter what is going on in your life. If we were allowed to divide things based on needs and not ability, we would be screwed in just a couple of years, and then there would be nothing left for people to just take from others.

I have no problem with charity, and no problem with accepting charity. My problem is with people demanding that they have a right to other people’s property just because they NEED it.

You are the one who decided to work for yourself. You are the one who would have benefitted if your business had suceeded. You are the one who needs to bear the responsibility if it fails.

I see right here that we will probably never agree on what individual responsibilities are, or what a work ethic is.

At least you agree that people are forced to give up their money. There is nothing noble or caring about it whatsoever. NOTHING.

Who cares if you trust me? Shouldn’t the rightful owner of anything be the one to decide what happens to it?

I guess you haven’t bothered to read all my posts. I have made it quite clear that I give a huge amount of time. I also give what I can afford in money. I find that people like yourself usually fall apart under close inspection. Demand, demand, demand, but when you look at your own personal life, there is always some excuse why you are not living up to the same standards you impose on others.

If you can find an excuse not to work, I am willing to bet that you find excuses not to help others also.
BorisB

You don’t like my handle?
ooooooooooooooooooo…

So sorry. It just looks like EVERYONE around here s using their real name.

You don’t like my philosophy? Well then let’s take a look at yours.

Where would you stop? Surely a little thing like a border doesn’t mean anything when it comes to people. Why stop at our own poor? Let’s jack the tax rate up to 95% and just send money all over the world.

The rich don’t need those big houses. LEt’s just put a bunch of homeless in there with them to use up all that space.

Of course the rich would probably just stop working and then you would be screwed because there would be no more money to steal.

Why don’t we just admit that taxes are a bluffing game?

People who want to produce will get fed up at a certin point and then just stop. Thereby leaving no money for others to take.

People who want to take, want it all. They know they need the productive people to keep working, so they are looking for the highest figure they can take, but still leave incentive for them to work.

IOW…People like you, need people like me. You can hate me all you want, but if everyone stopped paying taxes at once, your little scam would fall apart overnight. You have created a world where there is a growing number of people climbing onto the backs of others. These people can not survive on their own.

They need the productive people to remain productive.

Of course, we don’t really need you. Not one bit.

18

You know, the first time someone shows their ignorance by not having full awareness of the facts, it’s understandable and forgiveable. It’s up to others to educate them. But once someone has been presented with factual information regarding an issue, and that person has even gone so far as to have acknowledged their error, continued ignorance is not only unacceptable, it’s heinous.

Reference this thread in case you’re wondering what I’m talking about; http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/000625.html

Sake, I don’t know how much clearer we can make it. People like Rainbow are not just a little blue or down in the dumps. THEY ARE DISABLED. Just because you can’t see their brain doesn’t make its malfunctioning any less disabling than having missing or non-working other body parts.

What’s it going to take to get it through to you that the brain is as much a part of a person’s body as their feet, thumbs, arms, legs, etc.? In fact, frankly, it’s a more important body part than all those others put together, for without feet, we can still be mobile; without a working brain we cease to function and often die. It can be argued that a diseased brain is even more debilitating than the loss of a leg or hand.

I also don’t see Rainbow BLAMING anyone for his illness. He’s simply asking for help. But there are those like you and Freedom who would deny him the help he desperately needs to actually become a productive citizen just because you can’t see his disability. For heaven’s sake man, show some compassion!

And as for you, Freedom, you are the most disgusting excuse for a human being I’ve ever had the displeasure of encountering. I’m GLAD I don’t know you IRL. If I did, I’d have to restrain myself from causing you bodily harm - and I’m NOT a violent person.

Did you conveniently skip over the part where Rainbow said he’d contributed his fair share of taxes by having been productively employed for 20 years? He’s not asking for something “for no reason whatsoever.” He’s asking for some return on HIS investment into society. The tax money in the pot isn’t ALL yours, you know!

You’re a pig AND and ignoramus incapable of reading comprehension 101. You obviously skipped over the part where I said I’d been paying taxes into the system for 20 years as well. But you’d rather see me dead than get anything back for my contribution. Fuck you! (Moderators, feel free to edit if necessary.)

And I HAVE bore that responsibility 100%. There’s not a single bill that I’ve shirked or asked anyone else to pay for me. I still have debt from that period in my life and I’m paying it off as I am able, and will do so until it’s paid in full.

My point was that you hold yourself up as some sort of paragon of the workforce because you were able to start a business of your own just because you worked hard and were dedicated. Well you aren’t the only one who has busted their ass to make something of themselves professionally. And hard work and dedication don’t always equal success. Just because some of us have tried and failed does not make us scumbag lazyfucks who are uwilling to work hard.

How dare you question my work ethic? HOW DARE YOU!!! LEARN TO READ, YOU STUPID CUSS! I WAS LAID OFF. I wasn’t fired for cause. I LOST MY JOB BECAUSE OF BUDGET CUTS. That did make me “unemployed by no fault of my own.”

Again, FUCK YOU! I won’t even dignify that despicable remark with any kind of dispute. You make me ill.

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank

19

Thanks Shayna, you’ve mirrored my thoughts well. People like Freedom and Sake have no clear impression of mental illness and don’t understand the benefits of a humane social net which should protect the good citizens of a country(especially the richest).

Sake and Freedoms ignorance have too often left me feeling that there is no hope for the civilized world.

We should carry on with the good battle in spite of them however.

20

It is an eye-opener to me that anyone could seriously put forward publicly the archaic view that those who are genuinely unable to fend for themselves in a competitive and materialist society should not be entitled to the rudiments of basic medical care or anything else, but should crawl off and die in the gutter so as to relieve the tax-burden of those with means.

Whoever quoted “A Christmas Carol”, spot on.

Of course a society must make communal provision for those who cannot care for themselves. It annoys me as much as anyone else when the system is abused and people defraud it (and my tax payments); but it is quite shocking that anyone would dispute the principle.

For years our governments have edged us towards the American model in healthcare as in so much else - and this is an extraordinary illustration of what a terrible idea that is, if we had not long ago learnt to distrust what comes to us from your direction.

Your views are despicable. It is clear that you are sadly damaged individuals.