I thought about doing this in GQ, but there’s really no answerable question in here. I’m in the middle of doing secondaries for med schools, and this question is getting to me. “Describe yourself.” That’s it. Not even guidelines on length. Obviously, it seems like I should describe why I’m a good candidate for medical school. But I already did that all in my personal statement. And, I’m thinking, what if they want something more about who I am in general? I’ve started several essays, each one petering off before (haha… sorry, but I just wrote peter) I could get very far on it. I talked about the importance of my Korean heritage to my life, but that kind of fizzled. I related humourous anecdotes about my childhood, but there really wasn’t any point to it. So, med school students, med school professor, or anybody who’s ever applied to anything and had a question similar to this, how do I go about answering this?
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Mammalia
Order: Primates
Family: Hominidae
Subfamily: Homininae
Genus: Homo
Species: sapiens
The subject is a X foot XX inch specimen of the above identified whatever and is known by the personal idenfier of name.
Etc. I say describe yourself in solid clinical terminology.
Oh, not that I’m a med school student or prof or anything even remotely close. But I’ve broken a lot of bones and have been in the hospital emergency room a few times because of it.
Strength 14
Dexterity 13
Constitution 13
Intelligence 18
Wisdom 14
Charisma 17
This is your chance to make yourself interesting. Pretty much everyone is going to have good grades and strong drive, so why should it be you there? Tell them what you are like…are you a laughy-jokey type? Are you dedicated to your family? Are you well adapted to crisis situations? Are you particularly resourceful? What are you besides (presumably) hard working and intellegent? A good anecdote, tied in to your greater views of what your life is and where you are going, is a sure bet. Just make sure they know what you can bring to the school that nobody else with your same stats can.
“You first.”
Everybody writes the same essay about why they want to be a doctor…blahblahblah…help people…blahblahblah…love science…blahblahblah. They want to know why they should pick you over all the others who wants to be doctors and are qualified. What should you write? Don’t ask me-that was a long long time ago and I barely got in anyway. 
Someone else posted this a few months ago. This might not get you into medical school but at least you’ll have a good laugh reading it.
“Now tht I’ve reduced my drinking to evenings and weekends, my anger management classes are more effective, even if they are taught by a fat homosexual Jew.”
Okay, I’ve decided that my best course of action is to not talk about why I’d be a good doctor, and instead tell them about why I’m quite possibly the finest human being produced in the last fifty years. But I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging. Twenty-five years it is. Or perhaps I should just paste my picture in the spot and leave it at that.
Although I definitely like the direction Pravnik is going. Can I have a +3 stethoscope of slaying? And a +2 Grey’s Anatomy Book of Spells?