Describe the plot in "Escape from <your town>"

Inspired by this thread, what would be the amusing plot outcome if they did a sequel to Escape From New York in your home town?

Escape From San Francisco: Snake Pliskin gets dropped off in the Outer Sunset and dies of old age waiting for Ernset Borgine’s cab to show up.

Escape From East St. Louis: Real-life Kurt Russel gets dropped off near the river and has to get across without being robbed, beaten and killed. As homage, they could even make him use the Eads Bridge. :slight_smile:

Well, they already did Escape from L.A. (and try as I might I can’t avoid acknowledging it.)

Escape From Milwaukee: Hmmm…nothing really all that funny here. I guess he gets chased around by a bunch of yuppie Harley-biker wannabes, and ends up crossing the Hoan Bridge (though why you’d want to go to South Milwaukee is beyond me.)

Escape From Kansas City: He’s preyed (or prayed, as you like) by competing religious factions of RLDS and Unity Villagites and has to avoid being killed by pig manure vapors while the Missouri and Kaw rivers run over their banks. Not really all that funny, either.

I think Escape should have been, like Highlander, only one. The best bits were the interaction between Russell and Lee Van Cleef (“Ninety minutes ago a plane crashed inside. The President was on it.” {sneering}“The president of what?” “That’s not funny, Plisken!” “Call me Snake.”) Stacey Keatch just couldn’t match up to the role. But then, I’d watch Van Cleef in about anything.


Escape From Yucaipa: Pliskin…drives down the boulevard and turns right.

Sorry. Small town that isn’t that hard to get out of. :smiley:

**Escape from Portland, OR. **

Snake Pliscan cuts down a tree and gets sued 8 ways from sunday by the state and city governments. Poor Inner city street layout, ramdom groups of protesting hippies and crazy cyclists making driving out of the city impossible.

(There is no) Escape from Troy, NY: Out of sheer boredom, Pliskin wanders onto the RPI campus, where he is jumped by a gang of vicious, pasty engineering students. He never sees the light of day again.

Escape from Oakland CA: Snake applies for an escape path permit at City Hall, igniting a large public outcry from neighborhoods along the route that he is inconveniencing minorities. An emergency hearing of the City Council is convened, at which Ignacio de la Fuente postures for his upcoming run for the mayor’s office. During the open mike session, every special interest in the city uses the bully pulpit to promote its agenda. As the hours of unendurable boredom ensue, Snake quietly walks off into the sunset. Nobody notices.

You realize, of course, that EFNY was actually filmed in St. Louis.

As for the sequel, I haven’t figured out all the plot points, but I guarantee the scene where Snake runs between the legs of the Arch while the whole structure twists, turns and collapses around him will be a show-stopper.

Then, he’ll end up in St. Charles County, become a suburbanite and be even more cut off than when he was imprisoned.

Escape from Shag Harbour: Pliskin hitches a ride on the Vogon spaceship which came to discover what happened to the ship which crashed and stranded him there 38 years ago in the first place.

Escape from Halifax: Pliskin decides like so many others to take the Armdale Rotary out of the city. Once he enters the circle, he is never heard from again. They say that on a cold, moonlit nights you can sometimes see the ghost of his car driving around the rotary, unable to figure out how to leave.

Escape from Nashville: Snake drives around the 440 several times always missing the exit to the 40 because heavy traffic prevents him from moving into the right-hand lane (it’s happened to me twice). Eventually he drives across the Shelby Avenue Bridge, only to realize that he’s still in Nashville when he reaches the other side.

Escape from Topeka, Kansas

Topeka has been overwhelmed by the offspring of Fred Phelps, who has been elected mayor for life. Pliskin is dropped inside the barrier that has been built around the city, to rescue a spy who has incriminating photos of Westboro Baptist Church orgies. He’s aided by a commando team from the Club Cosmos, which has been forced to go underground. Dressed in extremely stylish ninja costumes they raid Fred’s compound, rescue the tortured spy, and Fred is ultimately discredited. For a love interest the spy, a former Washburn University football player, falls for the XO of the commando team.

Parts were filmed in East St. Louis (the trogodites coming up, I believe, and the race to the Duke’s hideout to get the President). It probably didn’t take much set-prep, either; parts of ESL look like Beruit. As an aside, they filmed part of Terminator III on the former Norton AFB in San Burnitdowno, just east of where I work. It wouldn’t take much for SB to look like a post-holocaust nightmare, either. We already have the roving packs of dogs and wholesale demolition going on.

“You are the Duke <ch-ch-ch-chunk> of New York. You are <ch-ch-ch-chunk> A number one! The Duke <ch-ch-ch-chunk> of New York.”

Call me…Plisken.


I can’t imagine how I would’ve been able to come up with my comment about “an homage to the Eads Bridge” if I didn’t. :wink:


Wait, that’s not a sunset, a Raiders game just let out and the Raiders blew a shot at the AFC Championship. Raiders fans are rioting in the street, buildings are set ablaze. Meanwhile Snake looks up to find himself surrounded by cars spinning doughnuts in the street around him. A roving gang of beer bottle swilling black and latino toughs approaches menacingly .

Sideshow! Sideshow! Woot! Woot! Woot!

escape from omaha, nebraska: snake drives aimlessly around omaha, looking for a through street that is not closed due to some kind of construction project extending on into the next decade. when he finally finds a street out of town he discovers it to be opening day of the college world series, and is stuck in the city wide gridlock until the series is over.

Escape From Sacramento:

Snake is not sure as to how to escape Sacramento, he doesn’t have a clue why he’d want to escape Sacramento, and he has no way of telling for sure that he’s escaped Sacramento.

Escape from Hong Kong

Snake, weakened by SARS, is caught, crippled, interrogated and promptly shot by agents of the Liberation Army (who really aren’t supposed to do that, but who’s gonna complain?).


In this not-so-thrilling sequel, Snake Plissken (no, he’s not dead, but he gets that a lot) has to enter Toronto in an effort to recover a Macguffin of some kind.

Upon arriving, Snake finds himself in a ghastly, post-apolcalyptic wasteland populated by the utter scum of the earth. He soon realizes, however, that he went the wrong way on the QEW and ended up in Hamilton.

After getting back to his intended destination, Snake must first risk his life crossing Dundas Street in the face of a wave of immigrants in Honda Civics driving in zigzag patterns celebrating some sort of soccer game result. He somehow escapes with life and limb and is then nearly bored to death by a phalanx of Toronto Star journalists burbling about how everyone should be forced to live within the city limits like ants so as to combat “urban sprawl.”

Snake is finally forced to climb the CN Tower, it being the only landmark American moviewatchers (or, for that matter, most Canadians) will recognize. Teetering 1,800 feet from certain death, the Macguffin clutched in his arms, Snake makes the mistake of looking downwards into the SkyDome (or whatever they call it now) and is momentarily stunned by how much the Blue Jays suck. He falls, but saves himself using some sort of absurd stunt or something invovling a guy wire. Or a parachute. Or a helicopter.

Captured by the local police, it looks like Snake’s jig is up. But as it turns out, Snake is 1/16th Huron, so he gets a government grant to “develop aboriginal dance concepts” and uses the money for a Westjet ticket back to D.C.

Damn you! I laughed so hard I snorted Diet Coke up my nose.

It would be even better if he had the Asian Bird Flu as well.

Escape From Columbus: Escaping From America Is Like Escaping From Here!

(My old hometown since, obviously, Ohio is no longer considered the Western U.S.)