Describe the plot in "Escape from <your town>"

Escape from Tampa, Florida: The Man has implanted a timed belly-bomb into Snake and sent him into Tampa to retrieve the McGuffin. Wandering the city in search of it, Snake yields to temptation, goes into Mons Venus, and stuffs almost every dollar of cash in his survival pack down the garters of exotic dancers. With the remainder he carelessly gets drunk in Ybor City, then innocently wanders more than two blocks from well-lit Seventh Avenue (in either direction, doesn’t matter), where locals beat him up and steal the McGuffin. He goes through various violent and disgusting adventures to recover it, then, having somehow attracted the attention of the police, heads downtown hoping to get lost in a crowd. Since it’s after 5 p.m., he is astonished to find downtown deserted, except for some yuppies attending a musical at the Performing Arts Center, and there’s no hope of Snake blending in with those! In desperation he hops on the new trolley and is even more astonished to find it can take him nowhere but back to Ybor. Finally he steals a car, but his escape is frustrated by slow-driving senior citizens and by interminable construction on both I-275 and I-4. He tries Dale Mabry, but the traffic is more nerve-shattering than even a man of Snake’s combat experience can handle. Finally he does the sensible thing, throws the McGuffin out the window, and goes back to Ybor so he can at least be blind drunk when the belly-bomb finishes him off. He gets so drunk he pukes out the twelve-pound device in a single bolus. Happy ending! :slight_smile:

Escape from Tokyo (ok, it’s not my hometown, but who’d atch a movie about that?)

The city has split into tribes that have almost come to resemble distinct species.

The Nobles. Politicians, business magnates, crime lords or all of the above, they are the rulers of the city who live in the tops of the skyscrapers above the pollution, and travel by cable gondolas, thousands of feet above the streets.

The Akihabarites, who go from birth to death completely immersed in a full VR simulation. Everything electronic in the city is controlled, consciously or unconsciously, by them.

The Kogals. An Amazon tribe that worships a dark goddess known only as “Kitty-chan”. Despite much research into their mating habits, little about them is understood. Wise travellers run for their lives when they hear the Kogal battle-screech, “Kawaiiiii”

The Commuters. The great earthquake caved in most of the tunnel entrances, trapping millions inside the hundreds of miles of subway tunnels. The ones who survived decided to stay where they are, and now they live packed into every available inch of space down there. Nobody knows, or dares to imagine, what they feed on.

How does Plisken get out? Damned if I know, I never saw EFNY.

I’m still trying to figure out if I made it.

Escape from Amsterdam

Snake Plisken gets hunted by angry prostitutes because he stared at the red lighted windows too long. With the help of cheese eating, joint smoking, tulip selling girls, he hides in the van Gogh museum, but is betrayed by a Dutch uncle.

They euthanize him.

Escape from Schenectady – Plisken shows the talent to become a successful author or musician, so the Chamber of Commerce gives him the traditional Bus Ticket Out.

[spoiler]People with talent who come from Schenectady tend to succeed once they leave the place

Warning: Not actually very funny.

Baltimore is divided into so many diffrent parts, and whatching Snake beat the crap out of “Skinny Suge” would get boring after the first half hour, so let’s see Pliskin in a truly impossible situation. “Escape from Fells’ Point

“Damn President Bauer’s daughter. How the hell does she keep on getting in such trouble? Well, I’ll simply free her from those demented (INSERT HATED GROUP HERE, NOW A CULT IN THE FUTURE), and then get out of here. What this, a bar? Just a quick drink.”

Snake never leaves. There are just too many bars in Fell’s Point. Kim Bauer escapes the cult, but is soon eaten by a grue.

I can’t believe nobody’s done it yet:

Escape From Washington: Snake is dropped into downtown, and told he has 24 hours to retrieve the President and get him outside the Beltway. However, due to construction at the Mixing Bowl and an accident on the Wilson Bridge, he gets stuck in traffic and starves to death while waiting for someone to let him merge.

And my actual hometown…Escape From Erie: Snake leaves town to go to college. He foolishly returns home for Christmas, and before he knows it he’s married and working at the G.E. plant. He dreams of retirement, when he’ll escape to a retirement community in Florida.

Escape from York, Maine

I-95 and Route 1 have been shut down, 236, and 101 are roadblocked, Snake vainly stops to ask locals for directions out of this little nothing burg where nothing ever happens, only to get more and more lost every time…

…Snake doesn’t realize that one of the hobbies of the local Yankee population is the “giving bad directions to ‘Fromawayers’”

resigned to his fate, Snake ends up marrying a local woman, and working a lobster boat for the rest of his life, muttering evil things about “fromawayers” until his dying day, on his gravestone, they inscribe the message…

“he was almost one of us”

The President is in sore need of a real Chicago Hotdog. He sends Pliskin in to land on the Sears tower. Pliskin discovers that the Sears tower has a giant antenna on it and ends up landing in some strange place of the future. Oh no, he’s entered Millenium Park, part of the domain of the Duke of Chicago, Richard Daley.

A battle ensues and after Snake kills a great many corrupt political connections, they capture him and take him to Soldier’s Field, which looks like a giant toilet. They force him to play the Chicago Bears. Alas, due to lingering injuries and general incompetence, Snake defeats them 42-3.

Chaos erupts as the fans cry for Snake to be named Quarterback/Coach/General Manager. Snake sneaks out through the rioting to run into the brightest man in the city. No, not Brain, but Cecil. Cecil shows Snake how to manage the complex network of public transportation made even more complex by recent CTA cuts. Exiting on the Fullerton El he discovers what he’s been looking for, Demon Dogs.

Oh no! The city is endevouring to destroy this historic tradition. Snake attempts to fight his way in, but is losing. But then the owner of Demon Dogs, Chicago’s manager Pete Schivarelli, tosses Snake a Chicago 'dog and begins to play some of Chicago’s Greatest Hits. Enraged at the easy-listening assault, the police tear him asunder while Snake makes his way to O’hare.

Alas while O’hare is technically in the city, it’s really planted int he middle of the suburbs. In the mob-run town of Rosemont. Luckly for Snake the mob is too busy digging pot holes around town to notice him. After an hour and a half delay Snake’s flight finally takes off and he gets the 'dog to the President just in time.

Escape from Austin, Tx. (1973) – Snake Plisken is sent in to find the President’s daughter among the mobs of crazed hippies and cosmic cowboys and lead her back to a small, non co-ed college in Northeast Texas. Unfortunately, they both get stoned at Barton Springs shag like monkeys and miss graduation. The bomb forgets to go off, and everyone sleeps on someone else’s couch.

Escape from Austin II (1990) – Plisken must avoid gangs of crazed environmentalists in order to get rid of a salamander that the President’s daughter accidentally smushed. After a climactic night of protest at the city council chambers, he is finally saved when an appelate judge determines that his defiant stand on a rock near a creek does not constitute a twenty percent impervious groundcover.

Escape from Austin III (2002) – The Plisken family buys a K&B home on a 3/4 acre lot in Kyle-Buda.

Escape From Murfreesboro~~ Snake goes behind the barrier around the 'Boro to rescue Al Gore from MTSU.

The Univeristy ( knicknamed “Apathy U.” by its Student Body) is so boring that ennui lulls him to sleep.

As all ambition & curiosity in him is sucked out whilst he slumbers, he never quite gets around to escaping, & takes up the hobby of whittling at a barbershop in the Town Square.He now sports a crewcut, & is neatly shaved.

Escape From Richmond

First little, old, blue-haired lady: “He’s not from here, is he?”

Second little, old, blue-haired lady: “No, I don’t rightly believe he is. He does sort of look like Muriel Valentine Hunton’s grandson, though. You know, she’s not doing so well.”

FLOBHL: “No? Well, bless her heart. I was speaking to Lucy Wickham Valentine last week at bridge and heard that Muriel was feeling poorly, but I would never dream of calling and distrubing the poor dear.”

SLOBLH: "Well, it is just like my dear great-grandfather, the General, used to say, “Better dead than living under the Yankee bootheel.”

FLOBHL: “Amen, to that. At least he isn’t colored.”

SLOBLH: “Why, Libby-Jane Mayhew, you do say the most outrageous things! You can’t think like that anymore - you know they’re in charge of City Hall now, what with that dear Doug Wilder as mayor. You know, I hear he still goes up to Charlottesville all the time to see Pat Kluge. Were you ever up that way? Beautiful country. I hear she drinks.”

FLOBHL: “I’m sorry, but I haven’t been the same ever since they had the gall to put a staute of that tennis player on Monument Avenue. It’s a disgrace, that’s what it is. General Lee, General Stuart, Commander Murray - all those wonderful, heroic men deserve recognition, but Arthur Ashe? He just hit a little old ball back and forth.”

SLOBHL: “Well, as I was telling E. Bubba Massey-Valentine, you remember him, he’s my half-sister’s son, once removed, 'Bubba, you should go down and throw yourself in front of those workers who want to put that statue up if you feel so strongly, but, of course, he wouldn’t do it. He’s such a trifling young man.”

FLOBHL: “I feel for you, dear. Really. Now where do you suppose that young man went? Oh, well…no matter. Like I always say to those people from up north who come down here and complain, ‘I-95 runs both ways you know.’”

SLOBHL: “Oh, you devil! Now let’s go get some lunch. It’s Thursday and they’ve chicken salad at the Garden Club.”

Escape from Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

Snake comes to Calgary for the Stampede and stays an extra couple days in Calgary. Unfortunately construction has resumed and now he has no way of getting out of the city.

He goes to the top of the Calgary tower to survey the borders of the city, and all he sees is urban sprawl and cranes on the skyline and it seems there will be no way for him to escape. He tries going north, but they are widening the lanes on Crowchild trail and 16th Avenue, and so he must try south. Macleod trail is backed up, and the traffic jam almost makes him abandon all hope. After driving for what seems like days through suburb after suburb of people complaining about the lack of schools in their far off burbs, he realizes there is no end of the burbs to the south, and decides to try the legendary route called Sarcee, but suddenly Sarcee ends and he realizes that there is no hope, so he gets a job with an oil company and moves to a burb called Tuscany and marries a girl from Saskatchewan who also got trapped, and buys the biggest SUV he can.

He learns to like Calgary, because jobs are plentiful, Alberta is out of debt and Ralph is the king and everyone else is from elsewhere anyway.

Escape from Chipley, FL

Snake drives right through Chipley, not even realizing he was just in a town.

As soon as he passes the city limits, he hits a deer and totals his car.

Can’t he just ship himself out of wherever while hiding in a cardboard box? :smiley:

Escape from Riverside, IL

Charged with stealing a valuable antique chandelier from the local museum, Snake Plissken wanders Riverside’s winding streets for hours, unable to reach his goal or even to preserve his sense of direction. Upon finding the museum at last, he discovers it is closed for the summer, and that the chandelier he has come to steal has been relocated to the Art Institute.

Despondent and exhausted, Snake makes the rounds of the local antique stores and notes with incredulity that even a modest bungalow sells for more than a quarter million dollars. Soon night falls, leaving the town eerily empty but for the occasional jogger. After further hours of aimless wandering, Snake finally escapes to neighboring Lyons, where he proceeds to enter the nearest bar and get shit-faced drunk.

2026: the US Military has abandoned its headquarters after upkeep became too expensive. Except for Wedge 1, which is now controlled by the US Park Service as a 9/11 Memorial, the entire building is falling apart. On the Silver Anniverary of the attack, foreign invaders are back and looking for something our own military has forgotten about: WMDs that had been stored underground. A squad led by Snake Plissken has to get inside the Pentagon to find the WMDs before the invaders can but there are two problems.

The first problem he already knows about–wedges 2 through 5 are occupied by squatters and they don’t want to be bothered. The second problem is that the oft-rumored underground nuclear plant is on the verge of meltdown. It had been shut down prior to the military leaving but squatters found it and tried to get it restarted. Snake discovers this when he finds out that some of his squad are really nuclear engineers.

Escape from Dallas, OR: Snake never makes it to Dallas because he assumed they meant the one in Texas.

Escape From Innsmouth (Mass)
The Cult Of The Eye Of Dagoth has kidnapped the President! It’s up to Snake to harpoon those finny freaks!. Snake escapes via “lob-sta” boat piloted by Quint form Jaws. Favorite scene: Snake battles a rugous cyclopean abomination.

Escape from Castle Rock (Mass)
It’s Kurt Russell Vs. Christopher Lee! Winner takes all. Snake escapes in a '57 Plymouth Fury.