Show her you cherish her, during the day.
Make me laugh, in 23 words.
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger
MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger
MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!
Did that work? 
So focused was I on getting that in before anyone elsse, I totally forgot the other part:
What’s your favorite city, and why? 38 words.
Let’s just say it’s a good thing you didn’t answer the how to keep a woman happy in bed question… 
That would be Portsmouth, Virginia. It’s centrally located, and has bars with lots of desperate women who thought that it would be great fun to have sex with me occasionally. I’m just glad I don’t live there anymore.
Where do re-incarnated souls come from if the world’s population just keeps increasing? 22 words
A person sins–loses part of his soul. Parts are collected and made into new souls. So keep sinning, for the babies.
How to blow a bubble with gum, 6 words.
Extinct species make up some. The rest is all nematodes, or “roundworms.” If you have three kids, chances are one’s a nematode.
Your earliest memory, 30 words.
Standing on a chair, wearing my father’s green t-shirt as a nightgown, making an omelet in a wicker basket using Tylenol as an ingredient, then getting a spanking from Mom.
How to be a better golfer, 18 words.
If you can bank it off the windmill, you may be able to avoid the swinging pendulum altogether.
Describe mall food courts to a person from a third-world country in 25 words.
There are stalls, but you don’t buy fresh produce or live chickens. Instead, you buy a piece of chicken on bread, with lettuce and tomato.
Since this one got overlooked, I’ll repost it:
Flatten gum, then exhale through it.
Describe the best feature of your first boyfriend/girlfriend in 11 words.
I glance at my husband’s neck. I kiss him. Penis ensues.
Your first kiss. 32 words.
I was fourteen and extremely nervous. She gently scolded me for “trying to lick her tonsils”. Later, head in the clouds, I rode my skateboard home and was sideswiped by a van.
What is the greatest meal you’ve ever eaten? 9 words.
Are you sure you want to know? Penis ensued.
(WhyNot made me do it)
Where do you feel safest? In 50 words.
I like having a good feel, but one of the major problems is the lack of places where you can do it without fear of discovery. So, like other habits of questionable merit that I’ve had at one time or another, I feel myself in the disabled toilet at work.
The most important element of a good porn flick in 12 words.
Good porno always has to have lots of female moaning and groaning.
The downside of edible underwear in 69 words.
I have never purchased, much less eaten, a pair. I would have to think, however, that it tastes pretty bad. And that’s right out of the package. Imagine someone assuming that a well-worn, soiled pair was somehow safe for human consumption. Also, if it’s designed to be eaten, it probably isn’t meant for more than one wearing, so I wouldn’t think it would be very durable or comfortable.
Tell me about the last hot chick you saw in person (as opposed to on TV, in a photo, etc.). 45 words.
She was panting, drained after long exertion. Gasping for breath, she bared her breast and spread her legs wide. A dozen hot chicks lay alongside her, in a similar state of euphoric exhaustion. I adjusted the temperature on the incubator, and cleaned out the eggshells.
How to paint a fence, in 12 words.
Make it look fun. Trick someone else into doing all the work.
Where babies come from, 18 words.
Babies come from the desire to have something persist when you die. Graffiti would be cheaper.
Explain to a police officer why you needed to be driving so fast in 44 words.