The describe y in x number of words challenge.

It goes like this - describe something in a certain number of words(e.g. explain how to make toast in exactly 52 words, or why is the matrix the best film ever in 4 words), then set the next challenge. You have to be coherent as possible.

If someone says “describe the colour of an apple in seven million words” feel free to decline their challenge.

I’ll submit the first challenge -

explain how to make toast in exactly 52 words…

Take a slice of bread. The slice needs to be heated to an extreme degree for a limited amount of time. This results in the outer surfaces of the bread becoming crisped and brown. When it is brown and crisped on both sides, it has metamorphosed into a substance known as “toast”.
Review the Matrix Reloaded in eight words.

Don’t believe the hype – it blows big chunks.

Describe current US foreign policy in 13 words.

Do believe the hype – or we will blow big chunks out of you.
Describe the difference between capitalism and communism in 37 words.

Suck it up, Middle East - we own you. Everyone else: you are next.

Okay. Describe how the “manufactured pop band” trend will end in 40 words.

Howdy! We are here to liberate your oppressed people! (Ohh, is that oil?)
Describe how to buy a cat in 14 words.

(Dang, in order to play, I’d have to pick the best “foreign policy” simulpost – which is impossible, they’re all excellent. I’ll have to hang out and wait until the direction of the thread becomes clearer.)

Don’t buy from breeders. See which shelters have cats for adoption. Then, neuter them!

Tell us and decribe the worst show on TV in 17 words.

Under capitalism, the free market redistributes the wealth according to supply and demand and one’s business acumen and entrepreneurial spirit. Under communism, the state redistributes the wealth according to perceived need. Either way, you’re pretty much screwed.

Eventually it will be revealed that the performers we’ve seen on TV are all neutered clones and all the actual singing has been done by one short, ugly person in a backroom studio somewhere using a lot of vocal alteration.

Delenda est Mesopotamia - I mean Syria - I mean Persia - or whoever is next.

Do I win some sort of prize for having one question answered the most times?

I’m a Celebrity - Get Me Out of Here - Fame junkies are (unfortunately) rescued from the Australian jungle.
Describe your favorite conspiracy theory in five words.

There was a second gunman.

Describe your favourite food (without saying what it is) in 10 words.

Kennedy: alive in Area 51.

Tasty seafood in arachnid form - great with butter and lemon.

Explain the importance of hygeine in 13 words.

You’ll never, ever get laid if you smell like a goat – trust me.

Oops, forgot the challenge.

Explain the extinction of the dinosaurs in 37 words.

uh… NEXT??

Who really knows how the dinosaur age ended? Was is a giant comet? Starvation?? Maybe we should invent time-travel someday so that we can go back and see first-hand - the only way to be sure.

How do you bake German Chocolate Cake? Explain in 14 words.

I buy a box of German Chocolate Cake mix. Also frosting. Prepare as directed.

Why do mosquitos exist? Justify these vampiric beasts in 23 words.

As a vector for the organism which causes malaria. Also to bite the hell out of unsuspecting tourists to hot countries.

Explain the origin of the universe in 12 words.