The park’s logo - which can be put on t-shirts, posters, and the like - will be, in the style of the “got milk” campaign, “got cites?”
In the middle of the theme park is a roller coaster ride called “the Pit” which has multiple tracks all careening straight down into perfect darkness, silent except for the faint echoes of swear words. The main office, where there are brochures and guides, is called About This Theme Park. At one corner of the park is a beautiful building built of polished marble, which contains rooms lined with bookshelves filled with law texts (each comes with its own highlighter to note cites), comfy stuffed armchairs, and exotic teas - this, of course, is called Great Debates.
The park is patrolled by Moderators, who carry futuristic stun guns and who periodically meet in a secret room within the walls of About This Theme Park. There’s a London Eye type Ferris wheel called In My Humble Opinion where each pod contains a different argument. There’s a huge arcade filled with every game under the sun called The Game Room. Lastly, there’s one of those rides (called Elections) that have pods which thrash around - at the entrance, all participants are required to don a red, blue, or white shirt (although the white shirts are becoming increasingly rare) and in the ride, customers argue about politics while holding their complimentary barf bags close at hand.
The straight dope would be an integral part of a larger theme park based on creative and scientific projects that layman could pursue in their own time. The straight dope lounge would have a large computer screen where someone could walk in and pose a question, anyone viewing the board could answer the question and direct that individual to a table where his project could be discussed.
The park would provide the kind of resources that a layman would never be able to afford in developing something, machine shops, wood shops, casting, forming, metal work etc. As well as santuaries for groups of nearly every imagainable endeavor.
A Lord of the Rings-themed ride where each separate section shows you what the book would have been like it had been written by some other author.
But it is only open for twenty minutes.
There needs to be a house of horrors where you suffer surprise attacks from model blimps and buckeyes.
Also a large pond where pretty rich quadriplegic girls can fish for suckers.
And the World’s Largest Pi(e) on March 14, 2015.
Hmmm…shouldn’t we be getting ready for that day anyway?
You’d think they’d have live music there, but everyone’s too busy arguing over instruments, components, and equipment to actually play a song. They’ll have some tables set up for string discussions, some for picks, some for piggy back vs combo, etc. You have to don protective clothing before you approach the Ovation vs every other acoustic guitar brand section.
I shudder to think of what will happen to newcomers who have to go on the “Welcome Newbie” ride.
The Moderators will wear jackboots. And carry either morning stars or flails for gentle reminders.
The Permanent Monty Python Exhibit Hall will be silly. There will be a No Man’s Land between the Star Wars and Star Trek attractions. And between the SW and the LOTR attractions. too.
Visitors will line up to get Manny People’s autograph. There will be a 50 piece brass band of only tubas. Instead of mouse ears, they’ll sell mortarboards with tassels for people to wear.
Took me a while to figure this one out.
Has anyone proposed the Goat Petting Zoo yet? At least, the sign says it’s for petting…
Are non-dopers allowed in Straight Dope World? Do members get a little discount on admission? Will BBQ Pit Land have a decent rack of ribs?
This sounds heavenly…could you bring your own kitten? And there could be photographers to snap pictures of you with your kitten; and people to make recordings for the Best Awwwww and the Loudest Purr. And there would be a street, passable to cars, but only to drivers who wouldn’t have the heart to hit a kitten in the street. Visitors with large dogs who love kiittens are also welcome here.
What about a souvenir booth? Instead of hats with mouse ears it could sell tin foil hats, or mortarboards. All the SD books would be available. Plush toys, like goats, squids, and Cthultu dolls.
BBQ Pit area will have a cabaret consisting entirely of insult comics.
A Barn House that is very small and only accessible via an unobtrusive side passage near the main entrance.
Complaints may only be lodged in About This Theme Park Land.
Monty Hall will be performing in the Game Room, but the top prize will be the goat.
All murals: obligatory XKCD.
All food sold will be seasoned with Bacon Salt!
And they add cinnamon even if you don’t authorize it.
There is a mind-bending ride called “The Great Sun Jester” that only a few people know how to enjoy.
But it doesn’t matter.
Because it’s usually locked anyway.
there would be free costumes, make-up and masks at the entrance for people to not reveal their identity.
Yeah, baby. I’m bringin’ my two (and my old cat, too). And my two dogs–one who is afraid of kittens and the other who likes to groom them.
Like the big Mormon Temple in Salt lake City?
Are you thinking to hide your SDMB identity or your IRL identity?
So I could either wear a ThelmaLou outfit (in a flowered shirtwaist dress, holding a pan of cashew fudge) to disguise my real self, or I could dress as Teresa of Avila (in a Carmelite nun’s habit) to disguise my ThelmaLou identity.
One of those swinging pirate-ships but in the style of the yacht on the “Rio” video. All the attendants have bleached hair, pastel jackets and espadrilles with no socks, repeat…NO socks.
We’d need a dark room filled with mysterious, terrible blimps.
And another dark room where we can set a dog on fire.