You mean *is it cilantro or did someone just throw up.
*
Admission is free but someone follows you around whispering ad slogans in your ear every fifteen minutes.
Unless you buy an annual pass.
Don’t forget to stop at the Too-Much-Information Booth.
How about a “Dunk the Mod” tank?
There has to be a marriage/relationship counselor attraction, where the counselor is an animatronic armchair psychologist whose only lines are variations on “break up with each other”.
I think we can take it as read that no cellular or mobile phones will be allowed in the park, since everyone allegedly hates them.
Doctors and emergency service personnel will be allowed a turn-of-the century model which can handle calls and text messages, but no picture messaging, because that would promote Communism and impurify the nation’s bodily essences or something like that.
At first I thought you said drunk mod. But that would be redundant.
The only parking lot for SUVs will be through a winding mountain pass, only those hauling horse trailers will be admitted.
And certainly no televisions, except in Cafe Societyland. But they only have 3-d screens, but as a compromise to those who think 3-d is a gimmick, no goggles will be provided.
There should be something in the mission statement about pure bodily essences. We must have them, keep them, maintain them.
And the obligatory Sink The Creationist dunk tank.
Park security will of course wear full Nazi regalia, from the jackboots on up.
Trying to sell Spam in the park will be a capital offense.
You can ask for whatever you want at the food stands, but the clerks will simply ignore you, tell you that Straight Dope World is a vegan theme park, and serve you accordingly. The compromise is that buckeye cookies are available, for free.
The First Aid hut is staffed 24/7 by QtM.
And don’t forget to visit the Hall of White Guilt, where creepy robot representations will educate YOU in the non-textbook-version of world history.
Come one, come all to the Hall of the Secrets of the Universe!
Learn the incredible story of 14 k of g in a f p d. Discover all the words in the English language that end in -gry. You’ll see the Illuminati unmasked and the conspiracies of 9/11, the Kennedy assassination, the Moon landing and the martial law plots of Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George H. Bush and Ronald Reagan revealed!
Don’t forget the Shrine to the Miracle of the Distorted Bell Curve, where everyone has IQs and genitals WAAAY better than average.
Forever.
It will have a Grammar Nazi booth with games like “Spot the Misused Pronoun”.
We’re sorry. This exhibit isn’t open. Please check back on the exhibit in a couple of years.
and it only works once.
The Haunted House ride is really pretty boring as there are not ghosts in it.