Design the next Star Trek Crew!

There was a thread awhile back about designing a starfleet ship. That was neat. Except it was all engineeringy and science stuff. Which makes my head hurt. This thread’s for coming up with CHARACTERS. We all have the ones we hate, and the ones we love from the actual Star Treks. Time to let our imaginations run wild.

So, if Dopers ran Star Trek - What characters would you include? What responsibilities would they have? What would their strengths and weaknesses be?

And would they look good topless?

**Bonus points if you give your character a name.

OKay, here’s the template for a Star Trek Character:

Name:

Gender:

Race: Half-human, half-___________

Occupation:

Musical Instrument played:

Is in love with (Seasons 1-3):

Is in love with (Seasons 4-7):
You’re done!

I wouldinclude more aliens, after all Starfleet is supposed to be the armed force of a Federation including thousands of planets and ye 99% of the crew are humans. Does anybody knows why? (besides the clear saving in makeup)
Those light blue aliens with antenas would be great. I wouldn’t include Vulcans, they are not fun.

My vote goes for a half-Klingon, half-Gorn character. He would be named Tiny, and he would be the ship’s doctor.

I have always thought that a civilian ship in the ST universe would be a great concept. Just think about having to deal with all of the random stuff that the Federation crews just “bump” into and then having to deal with the Federation when it shows up.

The ship could be scientific or commercial and the crew could actually be a cross section of the gallaxy rather than being diverse in that 3 of the seven contintents on Earth are represented.

I would make the captian a cowboy type personality on the surface but covering a sceming mind.

Oh, it doesn’t matter what we say. Berman & Braga will automatically disregard all fan feedback for their next series and make a crew solely composed of 18 year olds and friendly robots. Oh, and their pink flying alien ship mascot…

REAL friendly robots.

Get me?

But actually the idea of a show not set on a Star Fleet vessel is pretty good. That would allow greater leeway.

Like in The Wrath of Khan? :wink:

Tripler
Whoops! There goes Reliant! :smiley:

Chief Science Officer Boom-Boom LaVerne.

Her uniform would consist of high heels and a large fan (or a bubble, depending on the story requirements of the episode).

Name- T’Pai

Gender- Female

Race- Technically, Vulcan, but her parents were on an extended assignment on Earth which led to her being born and spending he formative years in Dublin, Ireland. Leads to many jokes about her being a “Green-blooded Irishwoman.”
Occupation- Engineer

Musical Instrument Played- A Klingon insturment with an unpronounceable (to the human tongue, anyway) name that is stringed, very bassy, and, due to the fact that it is made from natural, unsawed wood, impossible to keep perfectly tuned. T’Pai thinks it is worth the effort of keeping it tuned "close enough that an untrained ear wouldn’t notice (or, after a few pints of Guinness, which is hard to get this far from Earth, “close enough that a drunk Vulcan can tolerate it.” because the wood has a resonant quality that, when played, is just…

In love with (seasons 1-3) The ship’s navigotor, also Vulcan, but has never been to Dublin, who spurns T’Pai’s advances because he finds her to be illogical.

In love with (seasons 4-7) Some flaky Romulan dude none of her crewmates have actually met, except for thi ship’s doctor, and the Vulcan navigator, who disapproves mightily, because after she gave up on him and then met the Romulan dude, he realized that he is in love with her, but, being a logical thinking Vulcan, won’t admit it, not even to himself.
T’Pai shows little emotion, neither is she ashamed to admit that she does, in fact, feel She is generally respectful of the emotions of her human crewmates. She will express sympathy for a grieving crewman whose best friend got killed when some part of the engine blew up during a battle with this week’s mortal enemy, and, on occasion, will crack a smile. She is very logical in her thinking, but can twist logic into unrecognizable shapes, while making it all seem reasonable. She divides logic into two catecories, Vulcan and Irish, and uses both types with equal aplomb. Careful observation reveals that she does, in fact have a sense of humor, and a truly warped one at that. Most of her friends outside the crew or personnel of the ship are, for some strange reason, Klingons, and she has no compunctions about greeting an old and dear friend with a hug. T’Pai’s definition of an old an dear friend is someone she has gotten drunk with at least three times.

T’Pai’s major claim to fame is having started a cataclysmic food fight in the cafeteria at Star Fleet Academy. Her explanattion, given with a completely straight face, is that she was attempting to demonstrate to another Vulcan cadet that he cannot always expect other sentient beings to behave rationally. Every year since her graduation, some frustrated Vulcan cadet has started a food-fight in her honor, always giving the same straight-faced explanation.

Give her a few shots of tequila, and she can come up with a logical reason for just about anything.

Her main hobby is building little wind-up clockwork machines. This talent actually comes in handy more than once when the ship’s generator is failing, and she keeps the lights on and the oxygen flowing by building a flywheel-driven contraption that her Vulcan love interest grudgingly admits is about as efficient as a mechanical device of its type can be, and works remarkably well.

Her hero and inspiration is Rube Goldberg, and her secret goal is to build the ultimate Rube Goldberg Device. Her most recent endeavor in this regard was the creation of a gadget that would butter a slice of toast in forty-seven steps.

When she’s not out doing something incredibly silly, which she always has a logical explanation for, she spends her free time trying to find ways to make life simpler, less complicated. Unfortunately, this involves trying to find ways to decrease the amount of paperwork a person has to do, and she has thus far found the paperwork to be an insurmountable obstacle. Starfleet beaurocracy and all that.

On every vessel there’s at least one ethnic stereotype who has to compare everything he runs into with his native culture. We just need to find one that hasn’t been used yet.

I nominate a Jamaican engineer. “Ah, this warp coil fire ain’t no trouble, cap’n. I-an-I seen more smoke in me gramma’s greenhouse than in here.”

Just one question, Thea:
When’s the premiere? :smiley:

All right, we’ve got T’pai O’Malley (can we get another apostrophe in there somewhere?) for the chief engineer, and Tiny “Walk off that fractured femur” Harf<ssss> for the medical officer. We’re still in the market for a captain, a tactical/weapons officer, a helmsman, a navigator, a comms officer, and assorted crewmembers with weird hangups.

How about this:

Station: Helm
Name: Keros
Gender: Male
Race: Scalosian (This should take care of the “no-screen-time” clause that apparently goes with the station.)

No one actually knows much about Keros. No member of the crew has actually seen him, and he spends almost no time actually at his station. He has a little recorder there to capture any orders issued while he was napping, or playing volleyball with himself, or whatever. When he feels like it, he drops by the bridge and plays the orders back at high speed, carries them out, and leaves.

Naturally, he gets bored quite often, so he amuses himself by playing the Scalosian accordion (which, fortunately, no one else can hear) and painting rooms while the occupants are blinking. The entire ship gets redecorated at least once a week.

Seasons 1-3: Everyone assumes Keros is in love with T’Pai, as some unseen person frequently leaves flowers and small gifts for her.

Seasons 4-7: It’s revealed that Tiny is T’Pai’s (Yay! More apostrophes!") secret admirer, leaving much speculation about Keros. An internal sensor sweep accidentally adjusted to really-freakin’-slow play provides the answer. A long, slow-mo shower scene reveals that Keros is in love (or at least seriously in lust) with the comm officer (who is, for once, male). That’s right, folks–the helmsman is gay.

The Captain is a Romulan. In a series of dare-you detente maneuvers, the Romulan Empire has theoretically opened its borders to the Federation but retains very tight control over where their “exchange students” actually get to go. The Federation has allowed Romulans to participate pretty freely in its institutions while scrutinizing them in the best of Big Brotherly traditions. This Captain is the first to opt for StarFleet and the Federation has given her a ship to command.

The Captain is a spy and it is revealed in the first episode that she is expected to obey the orders of the Romulan Empire first and foremost, although she is to continue to be a good spy and deflect suspicion wherever possible, and for that reason has a lot of leeway to make her own assessments…to an extent unusual for the Romulan High Command to tolerate, she has the option of refusing Romulan orders but she’ll have to account for her reasoning and her judgment will be scrutinized carefully whenever she does so. The Captain is, at the outset, a spy loyal to the Romulan Empire.

Through her eyes, and through her secret encrypted communications with the Romulan Empire, we get to experience a hostile critical perspective on the Federation and its activities. The show’s episode writers get to use the Romulan perspective to either serve up valid crits of UN / US / Western Cultural activities or to represent invalid perspectives critical of same as foils to demonstrate the validity of same, as they see fit. Not that every show need have a 21st century parallel, but the opportunity exists.

The show’s development trajectory gets to play first with the notion that the Captain is experiencing mixed loyalties and is being won over to the Federation way of seeing things, and then, when that starts to wear thin in the beginning of the 3rd season, they hint that maybe the Federation’s BigBrotherly scrutiny has long since picked up on her spy status and that there’s perhaps a scripted element to her discovery of the general superiority of the Federation way of doing things, and she starts to question whether she is a creature of free will or a puppet, and, if puppet, whose? Thus she starts to become her own nonconformist Captain, not particularly loyal to either system, playing them off against each other, and to an increasing extent doing what she thinks is right.

Her main female foil is her Communications Officer, a relatively elderly native of the TransCaribbean on Earth. A woman of mixed Indio, Hispanic, Portuguese, and Black ancestry and the most imposing sense of supersecretary-type competence, she’s been in StarFleet for half a lifetime and just knows how to get things done whether the “things” are technical or administrative or pertain to personnel management. She has worked under 6 previous Captains and tends to regard then as precocious children, whose intentions must be honored but who cannot be assumed to know how to actually get things done and that’s what people like her are for. She’s a mix of perpetually cheerful and perpetually cynical. And she rags on incompetent people, stupid regulations, and badly designed communications systems.

Her First Officer is a formal but not unemotional Andorian gay male. He takes the social equality of gay people for granted because a higher percentage of Andorians are gay and it isn’t and never was a “marked” social status. He’s a dedicated student of formal studies and has occasional intense fights with the comm officer over the values of formal versus informal learning processes.

The Weapons & Defense guy is a newbie who stumbled across an unexpected facility for making them work faster and better and more efficiently and under more ridiculous constraints than anyone else ever could when the former Defense guy got phasered in the 3rd or 4th episode. He’s a young guy, totally geeky, and gets very excited about what he’s just figured out how to do. He’s inclined to pump his fist into the air and shout “Yes!! Yes!! Ooh Baby!! Oh yeah!!” and things like that when asked to perform the impossible and he figures out how to do it in a couple of hours. When some huge monumental project is asked of him, with lots of details, and then he is asked how long it is likely to take before a working model can be made available, he is inclined to glance around and ask “What time is it?”

The ship’s doc is a Vulcan. (Or the Vulcan is a Ship’s Doctor, depending on how you look at it). The doc is dedicated to a protocol of medical ethics that value patient self-determination, and tends to lay out the information and probe as to the wishes of the patients. In typical Vulcan fashion, the doc is not adept at exploring feelings pertaining to the making of these decisions and is unable to comprehend why being presented with all of the relevant information is not in and of itself sufficient to yield a decision. Mostly people like the doc for the reputation for complete honesty and for laying out the facts with nothing held back though. The doc has a good rapport with the Andorian 1st Officer, but is also respected by the Comm Officer. The Captain thinks the doc may be a counterspy placed to watch her. The doc is intrigued by Romulan anatomy. They tiptoe around each other making delicate insinuations and innuendos which are subtle and not easy to catch, and it becomes a game for them, always trying to imply something with a double meaning when talking with each other while keeping a straight face.

Name: Crewman James Greene

Gender: Male

Race:Human

Occupation: Various stations, whatever needs done

Musical Instrument played: Harmonica

Is in love with (Seasons 1-3): Occasional trysts; see below

Is in love with (Seasons 4-7): Occasional trysts; see below

Crewman Greene is similar to Miles O’Brien, but not as conscientious or competent (on the surface.) He can be found doing any vital but demeaning or distatesteful task around the ship; he often has to be asked to finish a task because he always has too many to do. Good as a source of comic relief.

He has a pivotal role in the first season finale; in the second season opener it tis revealed that he is really a very experienced Section 31 operative, on a secret mission vital to the security of the Federation, and now assigned to the starship for an unknown future purpose.

His personality changes from comic relief to a dark and terrible purpose…

There is a constant thread in all the Star Trek series, in which the creators seek to expand our understanding of what could be a character and, by extension, what could be human. There was an emotionless, pointy eared Vulcan first officer, an android science officer, a hologram doctor, and some evil Ferengi making first contact and trying to interrogate a dog. In this series, the security officer will be a sack of hammers.

Oh, now, don’t make me link this page to my Trek fanfic, set aboard the starship Hannibal

Geek Alert: I’m actually writing it as AU W/T fic (for Buffy fans, that’s Willow/Tara)… Yes, I have Willow and Tara as Starfleet officers.

Now, where’s my propeller beanie? :slight_smile:

I’d like to see a creative rational Ferengi. I’m sick of the pointless stereotyping . If the Ferengi are a spacefaring species, they must have somebody who knows how to build things.

Actually, I’d just like to see a crew member with a sense of morality that varies from the touchy-feely norm, i.e. pro death penalty, but isn’t a jerk about it.

Balance

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

sprinkle liberally and at random.

Tiny in love with T’Pai-

now that’s just too precious. :slight_smile:

The players -
Ok picture the scene, the cap`n, a vulvan science officer and a irn-bru drinking engineer (lets call him shep) are on deck.

The scenario -
The ship is in trouble, something or someone is threatining the ship somehow, if the situation doesnae improve she`ll be blown (or ripped) to bits.

And ACTION -

Capn - "The ship is in trouble, something or someone is threatining the ship somehow, if the situation doesnae improve shell be blown (or ripped) to bits, what can we do??"

Shep - " we`re doomed, we dont have anything on the ship that we can possibly use to counteract this deadly peril"

Cap`n - “Is there not something on the ship that perhaps we can tweak a little, and by tweak I means reverse its polarity or maybe bolt it onto another piece of the ships technology?”

Shep - " There is such an item or items"

Cap`n - " Can you do the necessary work Shep?"

Shep - " Yes but Cap`n you must…"

Cap`n - (interrupts Shep) " I is dangerous?"

Vulcan - " Yes…very, captain I…the chances of our surviving are like, really close to nil, think of a really small number that clever scientists might use, then halve that number, and you would still would not even be close "

Capn - (interrupts big ears) " I'm the Capn, make it happen Shep "

Shep - " Aye aye Jim lad me hearty"

Ok so cut to the last scene, there is a lot of set shaking going on, perhaps a few maniacally twitching light bulbs here and there.
Everything goes quiet, they have made it through, although the ship will require some work.

THE END…or is it? of course its not, the same thing will happen on a weekly basis, usually at about the same time, depending on wether or not antiques roadshow had to be rescheduled.

If I have breached some sort of contract with my above expose` I do apologise.