That made me laugh out loud. My niece and I crack each other up by sending emails with everything spelled phonetically instead of correctly, and that line would fit in well.
I don’t have anything to add other than a warm welcome.
Many, more intelligent dopers than I have already answered this, but I felt the need to post that my heart goes out to you. Complicated situations are always heart-wrenching and confusing, and you seem to be taking this with an incredible amount of noble stoicism.
My heartfelt sympathies to you.
[QUOTE=Maastricht]
While WhyNot is usually right, I have to agree with Sunspace here. “Enjoying unrequitted love” is possible, but it requires a lot of …well, I guess mental discipline, and a certain philosophical mindset. For most people, that is just too damn hard. For most of us, jealousy comes more naturally.
[/QUOTE]
Nah, I agree with this, too. That is, I think that* if* **BB **can keep her hands to herself, it could be nice to have a crush and some fantasy fodder. But if it becomes too difficult or too painful, then yes, I agree she should find a new nurse. And really, the only one who can define that is BB.
[QUOTE=Blushing Battleaxe]
If someone would be so kind enough to sponsor my membership, I would be very grateful. It goes without telling, I dare not ask Alice to pay for this.
[/QUOTE]
I’d be happy to do this first thing tomorrow. I think I will have to get in touch with the admins to figure out how to do it.
I enjoyed your post and have always felt that the subscription fee keeps away far too many good, interesting posters. I also have some friends who are housebound, and so I know how important a good Internet community can be to someone with mobility issues.
I think your situation will work itself out. Frankly, I think there is a difference between a “crush” and “unrequited love.” I never find hiding a mere crush to be all that difficult–and I’ve had a few.
[QUOTE=Asroboy14]
You can either hit the blue “reply” button on the lower right hand side of someone’s post
[/QUOTE]
:smack: I’ve been here how long and I just learned this?!!
Gosh that’s going to make things SO much easier…
BB, let me add to the cacophony of voices in saying that I would happily sponsor your membership. I have nothing of merit to add to this conversation because your situation is so far beyond the realm of my personal experience I really doubt a young whippersnapper like myself would be able to contribute much… except to say that I truly enjoyed reading the OP. You are eloquent, clever, compassionate and would clearly be a welcome addition to this board.
Blushing Battleaxe,
First, let me welcome you to the Dope, too. I hope you’ll find it enough to your liking to stick around after your guest memebership expires. (And you can add me to the list of Dopers who’d be happy to sponsor you.) ETA: On preview, I see that Q.N. Jones will sponsor you. Good on you, Q!
Secondly, I LOVE your Dopername. Gee, I can’t remember the last time I heard someone use the term “battleaxe”.
Thirdly, I, too, found your OP to be delightful (if somewhat sad) to read. And other than the very competent advice you’ve received to (a) not get involved in whatever’s going to happen–or not happen–between Sam and Alice unless your opinion is solicited; (b) not reveal your feelings to Sam unless you’re prepared for him to act in accordance with the ethical dictates of his profession, i.e., possibly remove himself as your caretaker, and © NOT seek a new caretaker if you can handle your attraction to Sam (finding a caretaker whom you like and who takes such good care of you is difficult, to say the least, so why fix it if it ain’t broken?), I have nothing else to offer.
I did want to say, though, that I don’t know where you are, but I get the sense that you’d be someone with whom I’d find it interesting, at the least, to share a few drinks and laughs. Battleaxe, indeed. :dubious:
I wanted to address the question of whether your love for Sam is “real” or not.
It is and it isn’t. Would you love him if he wasn’t your nurse? If he wasn’t caring for you, being kind, and being the person you see the most? Would you love him if you met in different circumstances? My guess is not.
My job is to care for people and I get very fond of them, but the fondness is because I am caring for them. They get fond of me, too, but that is because of the situation. I listen, and empathize, and try to understand them in a way no one else does. That’s heady stuff.
I know that if we met in other circumstances, we would not have this kind of relationship. It would be more balanced, I would be my shithead self sometimes, etc. It is the caring nature of the relationship that creates the fondness–real fondness, but not the same as a relationship outside my work.
Sam is probably his best self with you. In a “real” relationship, he would have to be himself, which is probably not quite as good. 
[QUOTE=Blushing Battleaxe]
I am not sure if this is the right venue for my problem, but I have, believe me, tried other forums but all I got was nonsense and ridicule.
[/QUOTE]
Not much to add, BB except a warm welcome to the board - I hope I’m still posting as lucidly and eloquently when I’m 78 - and that nobody is going to decry or belittle you for what you have to share. Please do stick around with us; we’d love to have you.
[QUOTE=Blushing Battleaxe]
I will be long ass dead before I even post this.
[/QUOTE]
My what interesting syntax you have.
My warmest welcome is extended to you Blushing Battleaxe. I don’t have any purient advice to offer that has not already been given. Please do enjoy your stay!
[QUOTE=Cluricaun]
My what interesting syntax you have.
[/QUOTE]
I shamelessly copied that syntax from Sam, who seems to equate everything with his behind. It is both infuriating and endearing. I understand he only means “very”.
Happy holidays and welcome,** BB**! Your subscription is paid. (Maybe paid through 2042, if we all jumped in at the same time.)
[QUOTE=Blushing Battleaxe]
I an curious as to what your husband said. Seems to suggest this happens a lot. Does he think its a fake kind of feeling? That I might not really be in love but, but what?
Others. please post what’s on your mind.
[/QUOTE]
It could be a case of transference. Wikipedia has a lengthy discourse on it, but here is a relevant paragraph:
Hope that helps.
The best advice is already there: Just enjoy, fantasize, dream, and revel in your fantasies while doing him the kindness of keeping it private. Enjoy his company such as it is. Ultimately, everyone will be happiest that way, and I think once you come to accept and understand that, you will be too, in your own way. Meanwhile, since your more long term accommodations here seem to be well in hand, you can take the opportunity to jump in here and write (or rather, dictate) whatever is on your mind. That is the mission statement of MPSIMS, even if some posts are more substantive and/or prurient than mindless and/or pointless. Plus, you’ve obviously got a good head on your shoulders, so you’ll fit right in here. We’re nothing if not welcoming – we’ll even forgo the goat and squid given the circumstances, now that’s accommodating! – and we only ridicule those whose heads appear to be attached with bailing wire and duct tape.
Welcome to the Dope! The porter will be along momentarily with your pillow.
RN here. It would definitely be frowned on if the relative and the nurse started having relations. The morals clause (ethical behavior) does raise its head here. However, it is not strictly forbidden (plenty of nurses end up taking care of relatives, neighbors, BF or GF’s relatives in a formalized, professional relationship–thing is, the relationship usually came first, then the need for care).
Nurse having relations with the pt–NO and NO and NO. Way to lose his license. Also, who is to say he feels for the OP as she feels for him? I would advise, as others have here, to keep the crush private. It will only end up muddling things and may harm the professional relationship.
IMO, the nurse has already crossed a line by admitting to the OP that he has feelings for her relative. Keep us posted.
Loooooooooooove is a many splintered thing… (to fracture a golden-oldie):
There are several different types of love: agapé, or selfless love; storgé, or love from friendship; eros, or passionate and erotic love; ludus, a shallow game-playing love; philos, or brotherly love; caritas, a caring love; mania, a singleminded obsession.
Trust, compassion, caring and passion can also be parts of a given relationship, making it possible to defined the relationship by some combination of the different types of love. For example, marriage is agapé, eros, storgé and caritas, plus trust; friendship is made up of trust and storgé, along with some agapé and philos. A home-health care nurse is probably going to establish a relationship with a patient involving agapé and caritas that is professionally appropriate. On the other hand, a crush is some mix of mania and eros that may end or evolve into something else (storgé/caritas, for example) over time, depending on how the other person responds. But, you can see that there are differences between the two, and that can create problems.
Take a closer look at your feelings (which are a natural reaction to a caregiver), and try to figure out which types of love you’re feeling. You might be able to change your frame of mind and thus change the type(s) of love you’re experiencing toward Sam. Eros is not a bad thing to feel, as long as you are able to deal with it in a way that is appropriate and will not adversely affect Sam or Alice.
You indicate that you depend on Sam to help you take care of yourself, which creates an unbalanced relationship. You are in a type of submissive relationship where you need Sam for things you can’t do for yourself. That type of relationship can be easily exploited, hence the ethical and professional licensing requirements Sam has. This dependent relationship may also have something to do with your feelings toward Sam. Again, this is a normal reaction, but something that you should be aware of. You can’t change your physical dependecy on him, but you can even the relationship by reciprocating his feelings (and indulge yourself in naughty fantasies when he’s not around). At 78, you have a lot of wisdom and perspective on life (and death) that he may be able to benefit from.
You sound like a hell of a lady, especially if you see your computer as a window to the world, rather than as a scary, incomprehensible machine.
Vlad/Igor
[QUOTE=freckafree]
Happy holidays and welcome,** BB**! Your subscription is paid. (Maybe paid through 2042, if we all jumped in at the same time.)
[/QUOTE]
Thank you. This is a wonderful early Christmas present.
I am touched enough by this gesture, I feel like crying. I surely did not expect this. If I had known that someone would be this kind, I would have tried this last year. Perhaps, I would not have gotten myself into this predicament. Then again, I would not have such a enthralling first post.
So, what do I need to do now?
[QUOTE=Blushing Battleaxe]
Thank you. This is a wonderful early Christmas present.
I am touched enough by this gesture, I feel like crying. I surely did not expect this. If I had known that someone would be this kind, I would have tried this last year. Perhaps, I would not have gotten myself into this predicament. Then again, I would not have such a enthralling first post.
So, what do I need to do now?
[/QUOTE]
Bunches of us would have been this kind. I happened to get there first! 
I’m just trying to “pay it forward” for all the kindnesses I’ve received.
So, what do you need to do now? Are you referring to your membership? If so, you don’t need to do anything. Just enjoy being a Doper.
Cue orchestra for “I Enjoy Being a Doper.” I challenge the rest of you to provide lyrics!
[QUOTE=Vlad/Igor]
You sound like a hell of a lady, especially if you see your computer as a window to the world, rather than as a scary, incomprehensible machine.
[/QUOTE]
I see my computer as a scary incomprehensible window to the scary incomprehensible world.
[QUOTE=freckafree]
Happy holidays and welcome,** BB**! Your subscription is paid. (Maybe paid through 2042, if we all jumped in at the same time.)
[/QUOTE]
Um, minor hijack, but how exactly do I pay someone else’s subscription? Email a mod, then get the PayPal ready?