[sub]I was hopelessly bored today, having finished my Marie Clare magazine and not having any work to do so I puttered around with this thread. This is based on a comment Strainger made in this thread.
Be kind. I’m a beginner nowhere near the level of the Mighty Scylla or the Great Fenris. Feel free to add improvements![/sub]
International School of DopeFest Whoring.
Tired of the humdrum life you’ve been living? Convinced there’s something more out there for you? Then ask yourself the following questions:[ul]
[li]Do you have what it takes to drink massive quantities of alcohol and still be able to wax profound on gun laws, abortion, and the three words that end in –gry?[/li][li]Can you flirt with people on the Board in dialogue heavily laced with sexual innuendo and then face them at a DopeFest with a smile on your face?[/li][li]Is your understanding of sexual innuendo second only to that of certain exotic dancers, adult magazine publishers, and sex shop owners?[/li][li]Do you understand the words “teabagging”, “felching” and “merkin”?[/ul][/li]
Well, if the answer to those questions is “yes”, then Strainger’s School of DopeFest Whoredom is for you! We are now accepting applications for aspiring DFWs[sup]tm[/sup] at our many locations around the world.
Some of the exciting and challenging courses, taught by the finest members of the SDMB, include:[ul]
[li] Crafting the Humorous and Well Written Post Designed to Provide Conversation Fodder at DopeFests by either Scylla or Fenris.*[/li][li]The How-To’s of Board Flirting: More than Just Hot Tubs by Crunchy Frog[/li][li]The Art of Sexual Innuendo by thinksnow and[/li][li]Crafting Horrible Puns that Make People Groan by wring[/ul][/li]
As you can see from the list above, we’ve scoured the globe to bring you only the best instructors to ensure your success at DopeFests.
Once you become a certified DFW[sup]tm[/sup], your social calendar will be filling up with DopeFests around the world, your presence guaranteeing the success of the event! Both sexes will make you offers you cannot refuse; restaurants and hotels will evict you from their properties because your greatness cannot be contained on their humble premises; neighbors of DopeFest host(esses) will invite you to turn your stereo down; members of the police force will pour out your alcohol on public beaches!
All this can be yours simply by signing up today** [sub] and selling your soul to the Board Mods who will treat it like cocaine at Studio 54.[/sub]
Don’t hesitate! Classes are filling up quickly. Call 1-800-762-7827 – operators are standing by!
*[sub]Depending on who is currently the World Dominator at the time. Subject to change without notice.[/sub]
**[sub]This offer is subject to change without notice depending on our status with the IRS, INS, the Illuminati, the Trilateral Commission, the UN and those guys that fly the black helicopters around our house at night.[/sub]