I know I’m slamming on my own kind, but I can’t believe the narrow-minded outlook some people have in regards to the drought conditions that are hitting our Florida Gulf Coast. Farmers in the Florida panhandle are facing record-breaking losses this planting season and water levels are dangerously low in most areas of this state.
In the midst of all this, the local airhead DJs at my favorite classic rock station are bemoaning the latest storm clouds that have thankfully moved into the area bringing a little bit of relief to the farmers. You’d think everyone would be happy with that, but nooooooo, according to the DJ, the poor volleyball and windsailing crowd are bummed because it affects their god-given right to catch some rays on the beach and party on their boats til they puke their fuckin’ guts out.
To these self-indulgent, sun-fried, Hawaiian Tropic butt-greased, dolphin-felching, tan-indexed, Oakley-glazed BEACH FUCKS------ Hope the rains short out your precious Margarita blenders, preferably while you’re still holding the cord.
Never thought I’d say that about my own kind. Oh well, I’m praying for rain.
And right up there with the “Dickheaded Sun-Worshippers” are the “Dickheaded Weatherpersons” who seem to be surprised when it starts getting hotter during the May-June timespan… “And we’re getting a LOT of heat tomorrow! I swear, this happens EVERY year!”
People often ignore things that would be beneficial in the long-run in favor of instant gratification. My solution? Put ME in place as Emperor, and I’ll whip 'em into shape!
Excellent rant, Blue! Of course the permed and blow-dried Weather Androids answer only to managment, which only answers to ratings/dollars/stupid tourists dropping money.
Okay, kidding aside, it’s a damned sorry state of affairs when weather information is spun toward nothing more positive than a buncha idiots pursuing melanoma. Here in the midwest we’re working our way back to “normal” water levels–but that doesn’t mean just a few rain showers.
We got clobbered with a solid week of rain; rivers are flooding and we have more in store this weekend. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard farmers around here–farmers!–say they wish they could send the rain down to Florida.
Building up after a drought takes a helluva lotta time; dramatic rains that run off don’t answer the problem.
Wishing FL long, soaking, soft, drenching rains,
Veb
It IS starting to rain in Florida.
Winter and Spring were catastrophically dry, but summer is what’s called the “rainy season”. During this so-called “rainy season” it rains in the late afternoon and early evening, sometimes quite violently. This is what’s been happening the last 2 weeks or so. Maybe not enough to save certain crops but at least it’s raining.
Sun-worshippers like myself, who have more than 2 brain cells to rub together, reserve the fun in the sun to the mornings and early afternoons. (It doesn’t rain then.) Must I explain how pleasant my 3-a-week trips to the beach have been so far this summer? And how I generally leave by 3pm, when the clouds start to move in from inland?
Praise Ra, for he is the mightiest!
PS I reserve my bile for the assholes who, though it be pouring rain in torrents right that moment, let their automatic sprinklers run and run and run (why? because it’s “their day to water”) I would recommend the Florida Air National Guard come in with their fighter-bombers and dump Agent Orange on their property, ridding them of any need to further deplete the aquifer.
They don’t believe me when I say I can’t tan and make fun of me because I don’t.
Look, assholes, I spent two hours IN THE SHADE this morning watching a parade and sunburned. You wanna look 60 when you’re really 40? Fine, go ahead, but leave me the fuck alone. I’m not close to being cute but at least I won’t look like a wallet when I’m old.
“I can’t tan.”
“Oh, sure you can, everyone can tan. Just spend a few minutes a day out in the sun to build up a base…blah blah blah…”
<Later, after spending two hours in the shade.>
“Whoa, are you sunburned. You should have used sunscreen!”
“I did. SPF 15. And I stayed here under the tree.”
“I guess you can’t tan.”
“No shit, Sherlock. What did I tell you two hours ago?”
Arrrggghhhh.
A good point was made about TV forecaster, though. There was a thread in GQ about this; whether or not they’re getting worse. It seems that in a lot of places you can get a job just by looking cute (And the weather tomorrow in Honolulu will be 78 and sunny with a 5-15 mph breeze and mauka showers) (Afternoon showers in Orlando tomorrow afternoon around four o’clock). IMO, they’re a bit better here in the Midwest because weather can be a matter of life or death, not just something to plan weekends around.
I think there is a deeper underlying theme here. Lets face it. You don’t like tourists yet you live in the biggest tourist hangout in America. Who has the bigger problem?
My father owns a 400 acre dairy farm and milks about 40 head. He’s selling his milk for 10.5 cents a pound. That’s 90.3 cents a gallon. Buy milk recently?
Corn is selling for about $1.30 a BUSHEL. It costs more to put corn in the ground than it does to sell it, so he’s letting 40 acres go to weed this summer. Any idea how much a box of corn flakes costs?
The above prices are only because of price supports, you know.
My father DOES pay tax on his diesel fuel when he buys it. As a small businessman he does get to write off the fuel as an operating expense, however.
And, yeah, farmers do bitch about the weather a lot. The trick to farming is to be the only place around that has perfect weather. It doesn’t happen, which is why it’s easier to make a living at Vegas crap tables than on a farm.
So why do people do it? For the same reason people hang on to the mom and pop grocery store for as long as they can after the new Safeway/Giant/Cub moves it. Or to the family hardware store after Home Depot moves it. Or the local five and dime after WalMart moves in.
My grampa used to have a pretty corny bumper sticker on his truck that in a roundabout way sums up my feelings about the subject: If you complain about farmers don’t eat with your mouth full.
I live in Central Florida, so feel qualified to rant along with you guys.
But I can’t rant too loud at the moment, too happy it rained today! Really rained. Almost all day. I’m so grateful. And I gotta say that the Weather Geeks here in my TV market have been very sympathetic to the need for rain…“Sorry, guys, no rain in the forecast…Too bad, we need it to put out the wildfires…” I’ve been living in fear for my home, because we back up onto a largish stretch of woods.
As for not being able to tan, well, if my freckles would run together and actually touch, I might get a little color, instead of just the endless cycle of Burn, Peel, Pale. Anyway, can you say Skin Cancer? Rather largish history of it in my family. (Yes, I use sunscreen and stay out of the sun, too…for the most part. Only go to the beach in the early morning. Best part of the day, anyway.)
Was going to respond to The Dart but decided that might qualify as feeding trolls…haven’t been here long enough to know for sure, but don’t want to break the rules.
Rained cats and dogs last night, apparantly my pagan sacrifice of my neighbor’s beach umbrella did the trick.
I guess some people don’t bother to read the OPs all the way through (wouldn’t that be a first?!). It’s the people who live here that I was bitching about. Tourists here generally take the bad weather with the good because a bad day on the beaches here usually beats out a good day on the prairie.
