This is essentially what I was going to say. Most families have at least a few individuals who have been affected by mental illness or drug addiction because these are very common afflictions in humanity. I often see people talk about how cancer runs rampant in their family when these kinds of conversations come up, but the fact is that cancer is common in everyone’s family because statistically it’s what’s gonna kill you if you don’t die of accidents/infectious disease as a youngster or heart disease as a middle aged person first. Not every cancer is caused by genetic factors, though there absolutely are some types of cancer that have a strong inheritance. Same for mental illness - it appears based on current understanding that there is a genetic vulnerability to mood disorder and psychosis, but it’s not a perfect relationship. If your identical twin has bipolar disorder, there’s a very high chance you will too - but still not 100%. The risk of a mood disorder if you have a first degree relative with bipolar disorder is higher than the average, but still not so high that it’s inevitable.
If you’re looking for a reason not to have kids, concern about genetic disease is as good a reason as any, but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal if you actually want to have kids.
…especially because the understanding of mental illness has evolved quite a bit. There are a number of effective treatments for depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia nowadays. My own experience is that the majority of people with mental illness end up getting less than optimal treatment based on factors such as:
-Stigma about mental illness (sometimes people with mental illness are actively discouraged from taking their meds by people in their life who think they should be able to just get over it and not need meds to deal with it)
-Lack of family support
-Denial (taking medication means admitting there’s something wrong, and many patients struggle with accepting that they have a problem)
If you are aware that mental illness might be a problem for your child, you can be proactive and try to raise them to be understanding and educated about mental illness. And, certainly, you have control over how much family support you give your kid if something does happen.
I never had the desire to have children, and my husband agreed, but the alcoholism, depression, bipolar and borderline personality disorder in our families confirmed that we had made the right choice. Not everybody needs to have kids.
I didn’t know the mental health history of my mom’s family until recently. I don’t know how that would have affected how I felt back when kids were an issue.
Mr. Kat and I simply don’t like or want kids, so we’ve never had them.
My goodness, yes. I can still put myself in a cold sweat thinking about the times I babysat and the kid bumped their head, or what could have happened (but didn’t). I think I wouldn’t be able to watch a kid alone anymore.
I don’t plan to have children (I’m married), but a friend of mine, with a history of mental illness in her family (she claims that the cause of death for most of her ancestors on her father’s side was suicide), and her own father was bipolar which he never treated. She went on to have a child with Asperger’s. And then another one with OCD. I don’t know why she opted to have another child when the first one came out with mental issues.
Another, “If I’d have known then what I know now” post.
I figured out after my kids were already made that I was bipolar. Once I learned that there was such a disorder and what it looked like I looked back into my family history and damned if every one of my Y chromosome-bearing ancestors (10 men as far back as grampa and his brother, and there are a lot of solitary “adventure-seeking” types beyond them) wasn’t prone to recklessness and reclusiveness! No, I don’t have 10 documented cases because my generation is the first to really accept mental illness as a disease and not a personal failing, but the lifestyles sure fit the pattern. Having learned of the disorder and having seen the pattern, I also learned of the genetic component to bipolar, and then my toddler son’s behavior problems made sense. Since then he’s developed into a poster child for the curse.
If Ida known then what I know now I would have had my balls disconnected on my 21st birthday. As it is, I can only hope my boy figures it out and does the right thing before he breeds. He’s the last carrier in my family lline.
I will likely not have children. But I am still not sure how I would feel about rolling the dice and having one.
On one hand, I have some issues that are, in large part, genetic. I’d be a selfish fool not to open my eyes to this reality and at least ponder the implications. But I’ve got some great things going on too, in addition to the hassles. If I’ve been able to make it this far in life, why wouldn’t my offspring?
There’s also this wonderful thing called “recombination”. My horrible genes can be diluted. Maybe the child I churn out with Prince will have the perfect blend of his genes and my genes. Or maybe we will be able to create and raise the child in an environment that up-regulates the awesome genes and down-regulates the bad ones. Or we will be so financially blessed that crazy Prince Jr. can do his crazy thing without worrying about being functional and conventional. Who knows?
I hope my sister has a child (if she wants one) so I can live vicariously through her.
My husband’s family has a history of mental illness. I am adopted so don’t know my medical history, but grew up a fat child in a household of slim people which leads me to believe there may be a genetic component to my propensity for fatness.
These aren’t the only reasons, but they certainly form part of the decision.
I haven’t been in a situation to make this decision yet but it’s going to be difficult. I have bipolar, which messed me up for about six years, but I’m doing much better now. I love kids and would love to have kids but I worry about passing genes along. Also, I worry that I would have to go off my meds for the pregnancy and I really, really don’t want to do that. For awhile I was certain I wanted to adopt but now I’m not so sure. Fortunately I can put that decision off for awhile since I’m not getting married any time soon.
I wouldn’t mind having kids, but I feel really guilty about it. I have loads of disorders in my family, and I’ve got some depressed and addictive traits so who knows how I’ll end up, but I don’t want the risk of the kids having mental illness. I know that I’d love them, but I don’t know if I’d be able to look after them. But because I’ve chosen not to have kids, I don’t want to be in a relationship incase we don’t have children no matter how much he wants them. Sure, i could adopt, but if I have anything messed up in my head then why on earth would I want a kid? I guess for me to be happy when I grow up is too much to ask. Yes you an be happy without kids, but I want to be a teacher, and if I can’t trust myself with a kid then how can I trust myself with other people’s kids? So I can’t have my dream job, have kids, have a relationship. Yippee.
Oh well, I’m too antisocial to get as far as dating someone so I doubt I could have had ids anyway. Good to know I’ll die alone. Looks like I’m fourteen and my life is already over.
My husband’s ex-wife comes from a family with a high incidence of mental illness, especially bipolar disorder. She decided that she didn’t want kids because of it before he married her. Shortly after he married her she came down with it herself, which sealed the deal.
I have 2 grown children. I always wanted to have children. I finally started getting medication about 10 years ago for chronic depression after it got so bad I came home from work one day and simply could not stop crying – for hours – for no reason. I feel so much better now.
However, one of my kids has bipolar disorder. My sister, her daughter, and her granddaughter all have mental disorders that require medication. I’m not sure what they suffer from as they have not shared these details.
Did this spring full-blown in one generation? My sister pointed out years ago that Mom probably suffered from this, too. She self-medicated with alcohol and cigarettes. Sis reminded me of that week or two in our childhood when we were sent to live with our grandmother for no apparent reason. Dad denied that there was anything amiss; however, neither side of our parents’ families was ever open about emotional things. Admitting to a mental disorder would never have been done. They were the kind of people who would have kept a “barking at the moon” case locked up in the basement.
So sometimes I feel guilty for saddling my child with this awful disorder. On the other hand, I love her so much I cannot wish she didn’t exist.
I’m still not sure if I will have children, but my (serious) boyfriend and I have discussed the mental illness aspect and it’s not something that would stop us.
He has a sibling who’s a sociopath, I have one who’s a bipolar heroin addict. Anxiety, depression, and addiction is common in both of our families… He lost a bipolar uncle, and I a bipolar aunt, to suicide during a depressive period.
However, family abuse and trauma are also epidemic in both of our families. Mental illness and emotional functioning are influenced by both nature and nurture. Against the odds we have both grown into stable and kind adults, and I’m 100% confident that I will not emotionally or physically abuse any child of mine, and that I’d be kind and supportive, whoever they turned out to be.
I myself have a learning disability, ADD, sensory processing disorder, anxiety, and depression diagnosis. They don’t totally define my life, though they’ve caused me problems of course. I’m currently not on medication and I’m functional and contented. Furthermore, I have a lot of great qualities. If my kids did have developmental or mental health issues (I’m expecting they will) I think I’m a lot better equipped to catch it early, understand how it feels, and get them help, than parents without any of these issues or parents who have these issues themselves but haven’t ever gotten help for them.
I read almost all of this thread before I realized it was a zombie. While reading, I was thinking, wow, there are a lot of freaks on this MB. Then I saw the 2013 date. And I thought, well, there were a lot of freaks here in 2013. Then I observed, they are still here! I presume that is why I enjoy this place.
But, it is a very interesting thread. Way back in my dating days, pre-internet, there was dating, chemistry, marriage and children. People didn’t question genetics. At least the people I knew.
My father had MS. I imagine I could have gone to the library and learned more. But, I didn’t. Today, 50% of my siblings’ off-springs have MS. I later learned that MS skips a generation.
Thinking about having children? Ask questions about ancestors. It only makes sense. And with the internet, answers are only a click away.
