^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thank you for validating me, Dangerosa. The things other have suggested would work in a normal person. Our daughter is not a normal person.
I’ll also consider your advice about the drug testing and/or drug counseling.
And to answer the questions others have posed: No, she did not appear to be high, and she did sleep well last night.
That points to no meth smoking by her. But still, if she absorbed those odors because he smoked or because she was in a meth house, then that’s still incredibly bad.
But, on the other hand, maybe it had cleared her system by the time I picked her up at 9:20 last night. She was with this guy for four hours, so maybe that was enough time, especially if she smoked right after arriving.
This had been a bad day for Mrs. Spiff and me, that’s for sure.
Trust me, they don’t work with a normal fifteen year old all the time either. Don’t ask how I know, except my son is living with grandma to keep him away from his peer group. And he doesn’t have ODD. Short of locking him up, grounding him didn’t work because he would slip out when we took our eyes off him. With two adults working full time, our eyes weren’t always on him. So now, my retired father has a new hobby…
Are you telling us her shrink is okay with her, at 15 and with issues, hanging out for an evening with a boyfriend you’ve never even met? As long as she’s up front about it?
I’m having a really hard time believing that, if it’s so. Personally, I would be seeking out another shrink, because that’s a recipe for disaster.
What if she tells you she smoked meth? Is that ok to because she told you? What if the boyfriend gets her turning tricks? Still okay as long as she’s open about it?
Maybe it’s just me but I’d be asking to see the shrink’s degree.
All that said, I wish you and yours nothing but good luck. It sounds a terrible situation, you seem caught in the middle, and I don’t see any way that it’s going to get anything but way worse.
If she smoked upon arrival at his house, then she wouldn’t smell like rotten eggs four hours later. I don’t think she’d smell like rotten eggs 2 minutes after smoking, quite frankly.
It doesn’t sound at all like your daughter smoked meth last night. Based on the limited amount of info in this thread, I see absolutely zero reason to believe she did.
ETA: It would be really great if everyone would quit second-guessing the OP’s parenting skills via one giant thread hijack and just answer the question he asked. None of you have any clue what is going on in this girl’s life, not did he ask for your opinion on the matter.
Bolding mine.
I can assure you that that is NOT the case. Even through the clouded lens of her mental illness, she knows that we are very concerned about her behavior.
Reading the link may help… but people who don’t actually have a kid with BPD don’t really understand. A person with BPD is prepared to take power struggles to levels well beyond what most people have ever experienced.
I doubt it. Meth is not marijuana. From what I understand, users can appear to be impaired for 10 hours or so after using. It’s a crash and burn kind of drug…during the high phase, users are animated/high energy, sleep is pretty much not going to happen, and food isn’t really on their mind. When it wears off, they come down hard…worn out/exhausted.
From what you’ve described, I don’t think she used meth last night. I might still have her tested. I’d also put a stop to her going to boyfriend’s place unsupervised. She can invite him to your place, where you can insure that she won’t be adding pregnancy to her list of problems any time soon.
I understand that your daughter has behavioral and emotional issues that make parenting different for you (here comes the “but”) BUT you still have to set limits and expectations. ODD is a difficult disorder from what I’ve read, and I read about it a lot as I work for a mental health center (not clinically!). Don’t leave her alone with people you don’t know, especially if she’s experimenting with drugs and alcohol. It’s just not safe.
*Disclaimer: I am not, nor will I ever be, a perfect parent. Raise your daughter how you see fit, as long as she’s safe, healthy and happy 
Agreed, if she’s not already on an implant-type birth control option, please consider it. You will probaby need to have a preperatory chat with the Gyn before he will consider and IUD in one so young, but it’s worth doing. Bring a diagnosis from the counselor and provide her ontact info and permission to talk. There are also shots that last 3 months, but I gather it might be tough to keep that up every 12 weeks.
There are drug tests available at the drug store which can test for most recreational chemicals. The most comprehensive are bout $50 I think. I don’t know how hard it might be to get her to take it though.
You can buy at-home drug testing kits at the drug store. Test her yourself. If you get a positive, then take her somewhere for a blood test to confirm. Take it from there.
Note: Most drugs, with the exception of marijuana, leave the system around 24-72 hours. Very few stay in there as long as 72 hours. I’d suggest it’s probably too late for this incident, but you could pick up a couple kits and make her test the next time she comes home smelling suspiciously.
Quoting for truth, hoping others will catch on.
I just want to say that I think it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job, and don’t listen to those who say you are somehow lacking by allowing her to leave the house etc. I’ve worked with children with behavioural problems, and I agree with the psychologist.
Especially since in her case, she needs to learn to deal with things. In order to learn to function as an adult she needs the appropriate degree of independence for a 15 year-old. Yes, that includes visiting quasi-boyfriends, and then getting picked up by dad.
The fact that she has problems are no reason to lock her away. That route will only worsen the problem, either by denying her the opportunity to learn to be independent and responsible, or by encouraging her to take extreme measures.
This must be very difficult for you. I hope you manage to sort out your current worries about drugs, and I hope you get to meet quasi-boyfriend soon.
Maybe its time you meet the boyfriend.
Agreed. Good friend of mine has a son exactly my son’s age with ODD. It’s like no situation a parent is prepared for. This is not normal stubbornness or willfulness. It’s a desire to disrupt and defy and getting enjoyment out of making situations chaotic. Normal rules just don’t app,y. I’m going to assume they know what they’re doing, with their therapists help.
cougar58 - You’re always just so incredibly helpful and insightful. :rolleyes:
StG
Just another week or so, tops…
Ummm.. maybe I’m old fashioned, but I would not allow my 15 year old daughter or son, good or bad, to spend any significant time alone in a home with their boyfriend/girlfriend. At that point, I’d be willing to do double date, hang at the mall kinda stuff, but not time alone.
And, I won’t go so far as to say I’d do this myself, but I’d seriously consider adding some Plan B to her morning cereal after these kinds of “dates” if you know what I mean. I’m sure this won’t be a popular suggestion, but whatever moral qualms there may be, they’re far outweighed by a depressive, ODD 15 year old with a baby, IMO.
You really think they’re letting her see him because they’re not old fashioned?
I have read all of the replies so far, and thank all of you for them.
I have talked this morning to two of my daughter’s therapists, and I now have added insight about her behavior recently, and what my actions will be this evening. (Hint: Slight cracking of the whip, but only after a lot of validation. Keeping her safe is our paramount concern, even though our actions may not seem that way to those who have no experience dealing with BPD and ODD people.)
Based on several posts here, I do not believe that my daughter smoked meth last night, and so the main question I posed in my OP has been answered to my satisfaction.
To avoid further thread drift, I will ask a mod to close this thread.
A 15 year old trying pot and getting drunk???
What is the world coming to?!
:rolleyes: