My 16 y/o gave me 2 joints for father's day.

No, she didn’t sign me up for arthroplasty. 2 MJ cigarettes.

It was an awkward moment, I mean, who sees that coming? The oreos and the skittles from her sibs made perfect sense–those are my main vices.

We’re in Colorado, so technically she gave me the equivalent of a couple 6-packs of beer. This adds a whole 'nother level of complexity to legalization. Something that’s been taboo for so long is now…well, I mean I don’t have a problem having a couple beers or a margarita in front of the kids, and I don’t forbid them alcohol in small quantities under supervision at home. So why has this got me so freaked out? And suppose it’s not as good as my own stash? How can I not say, “Look kid, this is just ‘Coors’ weed. Stay here, I think I still have some ‘Crown Royal’ bud in my room.”

Good gawd people, tell me how to handle this one? FTR, I’m not much of a smoker. I might get through 2-3 bowls in a year.

Well, heck, it’s the thought that counts…right?

And just today my son was lecturing me on teh evils of Marijuana.

So, it’s the modern equivalent of giving your mom a video game for her birthday. “Hey, Dad, if you’re not gonna smoke that…”

Could your parents have put her up to this?

I think my biggest concern would be how she obtained them. If she bought them herself, she bought them illegally. That would concern me. If she got someone over 21 to buy them for her to give you, well, that’s different, I guess.

Even though marijuana is legal in Colorado, is it legal for your sixteen-year-old to purchase and possess it?

I’d be dismayed by this gift, the same way I’d be dismayed by a gift of, say, Crown Royal. Where did a 16-year-old get it? And, more to the point, why did she think it was an appropriate gift for her dad?

I guess if I were in your shoes, I’d think about what her motivation might have been (does she think it’s appropriate? Was she trying to get a rise out of you? Are you open with her about smoking pot, or is this her way of saying that she knows you do even though you’ve tried to hide it?) and then I’d sit down with her to let her know how I felt. If I thought she was being sincere - thinking that it was a nice gift for me - I’d acknowledge that, but I’d let her know I was uncomfortable about how she might have gotten her hands on it.

No matter how you handle it, this would be an excellent time to have a frank discussion with your daughter about intoxicating substances and your attitude towards their use.

Well it’s certainly better than my kids stealing my stuff. Consider yourself lucky. And it’s sweet. Also a good opportunity to talk about adult choices and responsibilities.

I’d venture it’s quite easy for most American teenagers. Nothing mysterious about it, it’s everywhere. Perhaps someone gave them to her, and not being a smoker herself, was happy to find a good home where they would be appreciated.

If it is (reasonably) legal where you are for a 16-year-old to buy marijuana, and if you do, in fact, occasionally partake of it, then the proper response would be to add it to your stash at the front of the queue, and smoke those two joints on the next two occasions when you would otherwise smoke a joint. If the quality isn’t up to your usual standards, well, that just puts you in the same boat as all the “normal” dads who just got really ugly neckties that they’re nonetheless obligated to wear occasionally.

This is basically the big hurdle for me. But I also have no illusions about her being new to the stuff and I can say with 90% certainty who she got it from. We’ve got reasonably open lines of communication. Got her a Nexplanon last month because, well, I was 16 once. I think she’s past the stealing phase, at least until she completes her juvenile diversion course. Nothing like a teenager to make you feel like a failure.

I’m trying to decide if getting completely wasted in front of her might be of some benefit to us both.

Your 16 year old is on a diversion program and somehow obtained marijuana to give to you for Father’s Day?

Whether or not I partake, I’d flush it down the toilet in front of her. That was incredibly stupid behavior on her part. It may be legal, but legality does not extend to minors, and she probably violated several conditions of her diversion program to give it to you.

Quite right, she’s not shown the best judgment.

Would you flush a beer?

Teenager gives you a beer for your birthday.
Do you get angry and flush it?
Or just hope they develop better gift giving?

Wouldn’t that be just as illegal as having an adult buy you alcohol?

So, she definitely broke the law (federal because federal, and state because she’s a minor).
She definitely violated some term(s) of her diversion course.
And you didn’t ask for weed I’m assuming (Dad’s don’t really ask for anything for father’s day but I’m just checking here)?

Sounds like she messed up big time, and you need to let her know that. I’m not talking flying off the handle mean, but something like:

“Let’s talk about what you gave me for father’s day. Even though it’s legal for adults to possess marijuana in our state, it’s still illegal for minors. Now, even though I may not even be all that opposed to you having and smoking marijuana, it’s still illegal and if you’re going to do it, at least be quiet about it. And you’ve also violated the terms of your diversion program which could have potentially really screwed up your plans/life/etc. I know the odds of you getting caught were basically zero, but I’m concerned about you and want you to be making good decisions. So, thank you for the gift, and I love you very much, but in the future, let’s just stick to neckties and screwdriver sets, or just a nice card and a hug, ok?”

This is exactly what I was thinking, the problem is not that she did something morally wrong, it’s that she endangered her future. I’d feel exactly the same way if I was given beer by my underage child. “I appreciate the thought, but you can’t be walking around carrying beer or weed, you’ll get in serious trouble.”

So we’re a dozen posts in before you casually drop the fact that she’s involved with juvenile justice and is in a diversion program. That changes things pretty significantly, don’t you think?

Not for nothing, but does your communication with your kids run along these lines—I.e., not addressing important issues in real time?

What drewtwo99 said (I am totally in the camp of “Oh sear lord, recognize the day if you must, but let’s not make a big deal about it.”) is essentially how it was handled. There was clearly an awkward moment of silence followed by a polite, “Um, gee, uh, well, thanks. ?” And eventually we had the "Thanks, I think, but [boundaries] [illegal procurement] [keep your own blood clean at least until diversion is over]"talk.

I’m socially awkward and slow to adapt to unexpected situations–part of why I’m not a fan of FD or birthdays (today as it turns out), although I usually work through things just fine. She actually shows respect for my ability to not bash her mom, to look deeply at a problem for a while and then fix it in a decisive action, my several good qualities. Part of our rapport is her also joking with me about my noticeably slowing mind (no small deal, I’m running out of “work-arounds”). The situation she created was pretty effective and, overall, positive. It wasn’t about the pot (hell, there may just be lawn clippings in there for all I know), it was about the prank factor.

And while I truly appreciate bobkitty’s perspective (all y’all, really–the OP was all about soliciting perspective), and at one time might have gone in that direction, that sort of response just isn’t me. But a hearty “yes” to all who note this is a good excuse for dad to toss out a few words about thinking a couple steps ahead.

ETA: lorene–I am unable to effectively address things “in real time” anymore. I am strongly considering giving up driving for that very reason. I do address them thoroughly in time, however. My goal is to not make bad things worse.