Something I was just curious about: how did you break the news (or admit what they already suspected) to your kids that you smoke the ganja?
FWIW, I have no iron in this fire, not being a parent, but I’m curious about others’ experiences.
I too, have no children, so I have no stake in this thread. But I live in Humboldt County, California, and have many acquaintences, parents with children in the range of 8 to 14, who not only smoke but grow their own for personal consumption. I often ask them how they will explain to their children that they smoke. The usual answer is “We’ll figure it out.”
Okay, but when your child is suspended, expelled or arrested what will you say?
I don’t know why it should be any different from having alcohol. I don’t recall every “breaking the news” to my daughter that I enjoyed an occasional rum and coke.
Not a parent, but I remember my mother telling me about her pot-smoking, pot-growing youth. Nothing too dramatic, like “let’s sit down, son, we need to talk.” Just some stories from the past, in the course of a normal conversation.
She said she used to grow it freely in her mother’s (my grandmother’s) garden, but that one day all the plants were mysteriously gone. For the longest time she blamed her mother, who denied having anything to do with it, and that only later did she realise that her hippie “friends” probably showed up and stole it all. Also told me that smoking made it easier for her to appreciate the beauty of nature. And that she smuggled a single joint into Sweden when she first move there and tried to get my old man (her future husband) to smoke it during a canoe trip, but that the crusty ol’ fellow refused. Classic dad, hehe.
I should add that she also pointed out the risk of making a habit out of it, to the point where one’s normal state of mind no longer felt “enough.” I took that to heart.
If you were anything like my outlaws, as soon as the kids were savvy enough to realize that mum and dad were smokers, the kids were invited to join in (aged 12/13).
That can be a tough one when you have to tell your kids “dont do what I did”.
And I do feel a parent who has “been there and done that” is much quicker to pick up on the signs their kids are doing things than a parent who grew up without any “experiences”. It’s actually a fun topic we talk about in our adult parenting sunday school class at church.
Its an odd paradox because we tell our kids not to do certain things yet those things helped make us what we are today.
My parents were total hippies before we were born. I can’t remember how we found out they’d smoked a loooot of hash. I just remember them telling us to treat hash like alcohol: never do it with people you don’t trust, never do it because other people are pressuring you to, never do enough that you’re out of control, do very small amounts at first till you get a sense of your tolerance, and never let it become a habit.
It worked. I plan to take the same approach with my kids.
ETA: I know we had that conversation when I was 15 or 16, but I didn’t actually smoke (anything) till I was 20 or 21. So I didn’t take it as an instruction to immediately run out and get off my face.
The Firebug’s only 8, so we’re a few years away from that conversation, but I’ve thought about it.
First of all, I’d be comfortable in sharing my history with dope with him, when he gets a few years older. I didn’t smoke until I was 17, I’ve only smoked, I’d guess, maybe 3-4 dozen times in my life, mostly in high school and college, and I just about stopped smoking altogether when it stopped being fun and started to become a problem, around age 21. I was never a regular smoker - I could probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I’ve smoked more than once in the same month.
So I think I’d tell him:
If you’re going to smoke at all, don’t start early. Waiting until college, or at least the later high school years, is good. And don’t smoke very often. Keep it occasional.
If it starts getting in the way of other stuff, like friendships and school work, that are important to you, then put on the brakes.
And while the legal climate nationwide is moving in a good direction, possession is still illegal locally, and until that changes, I can’t protect you from the law. So you really might want to wait until such time that possession of small amounts is legal here in Maryland.
My kid hasn’t asked yet, but my honest answer is going to be, yeah, after I turned eighteen; I did a lot of stuff after I turned eighteen: joined the military, got married, went to grad school – I don’t recommend doing any of that before turning eighteen.
It’s illegal in most places. That’s a significant difference. Kids are taught in school that illegal drugs are REALLY, REALLY BAD. Not sure who you could miss that detail.
Like the sex talk, we didn’t have just one drug talk. It started as early as kindergarten, as I recall, when I had to do some damage control and reeducation after a stupid DARE presentation at his school. We continued to talk about it in a theoretical and law enforcement sense as he got older. He always knew we were opposed to The War On Drugs and believed that honesty in the risks and benefits of illicit substances was a better prevention strategy than fearmongering, and also that you never ever make yourself vulnerable by drinking alcohol or doing drugs with people you don’t know well or in an environment where you’re at risk. We also talked a lot about the potential impact of marijuana on growing brains, and the link between adolescent pot use and schizophrenia. I told him that while pot isn’t evil, it’s to be respected, and I hoped he wouldn’t try it until his brain had time to grow.
Somewhere around 13 or 14, I was sitting with a group of friends at a campground, and the bowl was passed to me, and I hit it. I knew he was watching. Later on when we were alone, I asked him if he was okay with that or if there was anything he wanted to talk about. “Mom, it wasn’t a surprise or anything! I’m glad you’re being safe and smart about it.” 
We had another chat about growing brains and we also talked about financial aid for college (which he would absolutely need) and how he couldn’t get them if he had any drug charges on his record.
In his later teen years, he went through some periods of pot use, and alcohol use. The pot he would sometimes let us know he was giving up for a bit, as it was starting to impact his school work, and he’s never had a problem leaving it alone as the need presents itself. The alcohol was another matter; he got himself into a spot of trouble abusing alcohol that he needed our help with.
Now my daughter is 10, and we’re on much the same trajectory. I hope we can skip the alcohol part, though. I think I’m going to be more watchful and more conservative with the alcohol with this one, now that I know we’ve got some tendency towards abuse in the bloodline.
I have never been a regular user, maybe making a purchase of $20 worth once a year and never thinking about having to stock up but about 3 years ago, I had a very small supply hidden in my closet that suddenly went missing, a significant amount of the palm size green. We thought that maybe it was the exterminating service we had recently had, but 6 months later, while being questioned by the police, my 16 year old step son admitted he had stolen it.
I almost fainted.
I said it was a different time in my life and they could test me right then and there. Nothing happened and they continued with their investigation.
When I was 8 I found a bag of pot and gave it to my mom, thinking I was tattling on my oldest sister. When I was 13 I found out it was actually my mom’s. She was the first person I smoked pot with. It’s not a big deal, IMHO.
I wouldn’t suggest doing it how my mom did with me, but everyone raises their kids differently and I grew up with a safe and thorough understanding of drug use.
I was not a heavy user but used to go out in the garage when the kids were little. They were never aware of it. I took a few hits each evening.
I quit when my first child was born. When they were all teenagers my youngest said to me at the dinner table that she was pretty sure that I was an old doper.
I fessed up.
Apparently I had stopped the habit but not the attitude.
OK, I’m guessing we’re missing some of the story here? Do you live in the States? Pretty sure most stolen pot incidents over here still go unreported to the authorities :D.
I don’t know the answer, but then I’m a lush, not a stoner. My husband does smoke and shares it with his twenty-four year old son. This has gone on for years. However, it’s kept a “secret” from my twenty-four year old daughter.
My kid asked if I smoked pot, and I just told the truth. Followed by a lecture explaining that not only could I get in trouble if he told anybody, but that it was possible someone would take him away to live with another family if I got in trouble over it. I tried not to scare him, but just let him know it could be an issue. Same with cursing. I don’t mind if he swears around me, but I make sure he knows not to talk like that around his teachers, other kids’ parents or his grandparents.
But to be honest, I don’t really care if people know I smoke. It’s not illegal to have smoked in the past, and I don’t smoke around my kid nor do I keep large quantities in the house. But the worst case scenario is that our whole family could be destroyed if the wrong busybodies found out and tried to do their worst. Which is basically the only downside to him knowing.
My parents always smoked. I tell people it’s a family tradition, just like that Hank, Jr. song. I always knew my parents smoked, ever since I was a little kid. They would hide their bongs sometimes at a party when us kids came in the room, and I could tell that wasn’t regular cigarette smoke I was smelling. A little while later I learned about pot and the “aha, that’s what my parents do all the time” light came on. But I never smoked until after high school. They never had a “talk” with me about it, but after I was older they knew I knew. And eventually, after I moved out, I started smoking fairly often with my dad, and it’s become a slight bonding experience. My mom has mostly quit smoking though, so I’ve never had the chance to smoke with her.
I’m a regular user in a state where it’s legal. My son (22) has never asked me straight out if I smoke weed, but I would be astounded if he hadn’t figured it out by now. I’ve always made my views on recreational drugs clear (fine as long as it enhances your life and doesn’t interfere with the important stuff – school, work, family, etc.) We have had plenty of talks about his potential recreational drug use due to the fact that he had a massive brain injury 5 years ago and is on meds to control seizures. I consider alcohol to be more dangerous than marijuana, and have spent more time making sure he understands the best way to approach it, which is exactly what **eclectic wench **posted above: never do it with people you don’t trust, never do it because other people are pressuring you to, never do enough that you’re out of control, do very small amounts at first till you get a sense of your tolerance, and never let it become a habit.
I live where it is legal, and while I’ve only used it a handful of times socially, I don’t see it as a big deal. When it comes up, I’ll tell my kids the truth about it. Honestly, I’m much more concerned about alcohol. Having several family members that were alcoholics and one that was killed by a drunk driver, I’ve seen several lives ruined by booze.