Did the Squirrel Try to KILL Me, or Was This Coincidence?

Oh yes, they certainly can and do deliberately throw things at people.

Walking across the campus at work one day, I was bonked in the head by something. I looked to see a crabapple rolling along the ground. There was nobody in sight who could have thrown it.

Then I heard a chittery sound right above. You know that sound squirrels make when they’re angry? Yeah, that sound. I looked up just in time to see a ballsy little red squirrel shove with both paws another crabapple off the branch, right above my head.

I avoided it this time, and moved away from the vicinity of the tree I was under. The chittering stopped, and no more crabapples fell.

I saw a clump of leaves near the top of the tree, so I think it was probably a female defending her nest.

Oh, I do. I fill their feeder regularly with black oil sunflower seeds, and the occasional bag of walnuts.

Then, on the night of the first full moon, I dance around the bottom of the tree with a bongo chanting, “Eeeny ooony wah NAH!” After the requisite chanting time, I tie a virgin sacrifice to the trunk, adorned with a crown of shelled almonds. Silently, the Squirrel God creeps down, seizes the virgin, and stuffs her into a cavity in the tree to save for winter.

Thus appeased, he then returns to his abode to await the next full moon.

It’s hard, finding all those virgins. It’d be a great way to get rid of the pesky neighbor kids. I doubt if their mother would notice they were gone, but I’d lay money that none of them are virgins.

I shall direct you to this for evidence of the Evil of Squirrels.

A momma Mockingbird made her nest in a huge bush next to our driveway. Every time Mr. SCL took the trash cans to the curb she would dive bomb him. I would stand on the porch to watch the show - too bad I never took the camera!

Yeah, but that’s a Canadian squirrel. They’re driven evil by all those moose and elk and wolves and…beavers and stuff you guys have up there. And it’s cold.

This UK(entucky) Biologist answers the question on the record saying “No.”

FTR I am fairly sure I have been bombed on two occasions – once by a chewed up chestnut that missed me by a half foot as I was alone in the woods by about a mile radius and once I was bonked by a half eaten acorn under similar circumstances- it just seems such an incredible coincidence… but I think the GQ answer is that probably these near misses (or not misses) usually really are accidents.

Right! Oooo Man. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my
own eyes!

Over my brother’s Apt. one day … we go out on the widow’s peak type porch
and my bro smiles and say watch this! He called his roommate’s cat. Cat comes out on the porch. After a few minutes a bunch of Bluejays actually line up sitting
on an overhead branch not too far away. Then they actually take turns dive-bombing the cat! They would come just short of hitting him in the head!
They would come in from just a high enough angle that it looked like they were trying to get the cat to jump after them then fall through the railing off the porch.
The cat was too smart for this and had a grand time chasing the bluejays; till
the birds got tired and actually gave him a beak on the head. Than cat then left!
:eek: :eek: :eek: :smiley:

So IMHO, yes those little rodents aim things! What doesn’t fit in their tiney
hands, the shake loose! Is it really that hard to believe they are that smart! Plenty of animals are smart! BTW cows are dumb asses!

Or “Nuts to You”

I have witnessed with my own eyes a fat suburban squirrel eating a road-killed robin on a sunny day in sunny California. #1 on Tamerlane’s list of surreal visual moments.

Squirrels are not to be trusted.

  • Tamerlane

Well, California borders Canada.
Sort of.
Next to Washington.



Squirrels are assholes.



It ain’t winter yet.

You don’t think they only eat nuts in winter, do you? :rolleyes:

I tried to pick the most ridiculous screen I could think of. I seem to have failed.


I, for one, welcome our new squrriel overlords.

Ducks out of the way of impending doom

This explains it!

I swear this is a true story. I was walking behind Rockefeller Hall on Cornell campus. A squirrel ran across the path, nearly tripping the guy in front of me. Odd. Then it went up a tree and jumped out, chattering all the while…

…and sliced my chin open with its claw! I bled like crazy. The squirrel ran up another tree and kept chattering like a maniac, the little bastard. All the people around were shocked, as was I. I did nothing to that vile little beast, and he attacked me for no reason.

Went to the health center, and for a change, they took me right in. Maybe it was all the blood, or the threat of rabies. Anyway, squirrels don’t carry rabies around here, so they patched up my chin and sent me on my way.

I went to class, about an hour late. I had a presentation to do, but I told the prof what had happened (I still had the big bandage on my chin). He said, “That story is so ridiculous, it must be true” and gave me another week.

I still have the scar, faintly, on my chin. My seventh graders get a real kick out of this story, but it has given me a bit of a persecution complex WRT squirrels. Anyone who says they aren’t capable of deliberate, malicious assault is wrong, wrong I tell you!

I have photos!!!

Last night, I spotted the little bastard out opf my upstairs window. I recognized him because of his scraggly tail.

See them here. The first picture is the one I took from upstairs. He’s draped over the top of the feeder like assasination is hard work.

I got the second photo from the mud room. As soon as I stepped outside, he ran up the tree to a spot directly over the chair in which I sat.

The third photo os of him dropping debris on me. You can see a green smear in the photo. It may be one of the items he hurled down at me-- I can’t be sure. I was looking through the lens at the time.

As soon as I went back inside, he returned to his lounging position to await another chance.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, can there be any doubt as to this squirrel’s guilt?

You can tell he’s evil by the way he’s lounging like that. Like a streetcorner thug. Except, prone.

Ha! That explains it. The squirrel is protesting your pollution of the environment and the future excessive costs to the health care system that treatment of your smoking-related conditions will incur! POWER TO THE SQUIRRELS :smiley:

Well, we have a pair of squirrels whose territory coincides with our backyard.

They’re usually pretty mellow, but one day I come around a corner suddenly and startled the heck out of one of them. It zips up a tree and starts in with the sputtering Donald Duck noise. Feeling smarmy, I walk over underneath and sputter right back at it.

Suddenly the thing jumps off the branch and FLINGS itself at my face. I squawk and throw my hands up over my head.

I peek out and there it is sitting on the next lower branch, laughing its little bushy-tailed rats ass off.

I live in Maryland. Have for the past three and a half years. EVIL AMERICAN SQUIRREL.