My own position, and this is my final word here, is that the position that “There’s someone for everyone” is romanticist bullshit (if not outright religious dogma which assumes the existence of a Great Puppetmistress behind the scenes, working everything out for her puppets for the best). The “superior intelligence” and correct understanding is in the realization that the world is a random place, that by the workings of chance some people will be alone their entire lives/the rest of their lives, and that one really just ought to get straight with the real possibility that s/he might be one of those people.
I am much happier after I gave up on love than I ever was still looking for it. Ok, sure, if someone waltzes into my life and decides that I am the man that she MUST have in her life per omnia saecula saeculorum, then I’ll reconsider that “I’m going to be alone the rest of my life” part. But meanwhile, I’m quite happy not playing the games and being continually smacked down.
I agree with you. I despise “there’s someone for everyone!” talk, and people who can’t be happy alone probably can’t be happy in a relationship, either.
Last year in February my wife took the kids and left. Tomorrow, barring disaster, I will be divorced.
When they left I assumed, indeed looked forward to, a long single existance, free of the distraction of others.
In the meantime I did promise myself I would try to date, just to see what it would be like. I surveyed some dating websites and decided to toss my hook in the water on one of them: I would see if anyone was interested and let them contact me; I would refrain from initiating contact.
Ultimately a lovely woman contacted me, we talked off & on, eventually a date became two, then a vacation together (where I broke my leg - she stayed in the hospital with me for 2 weeks), and we’ve been together ever since.
Never planned on it, didn’t want it, happened anyway.
I think the best things often happen when you are not pushing for them.
When I was 27 or so I started telling anyone who repeated that platitude to me that while there might be a man for every woman, my man had apparently decided life as a drag queen in Paris was preferable to dating me.
24 is a big young to be giving up on true love; at least I think so, being 24 myself. If I gave up after my first (or fifteenth) rejection, I would’ve thrown in the towel at the ripe ol’ age of 19. Because, after all, Kevin said no, Gabe said no, Chris said no, Matthew said no, Jason said no … but then Adam said yes, and a different Gabe said yes, and Michael said yes, and right now, there’s Brody who’s not so much saying yes as stammering it over and over again.
And I don’t believe so much in ‘one true love’ or ‘there’s someone for everyone’ as I believe there’s any number of people out there that, given the opportunity, we could fall in love with. Actually, the thought of having only one ‘true love’ is sort of scary, because what if he’s a Masai warrior or something on the other side of the world and the odds that I’ll ever meet him, much less be able to talk with him, is infinitesimally small? Besides, my experience suggests to me that there’s many different people whom I could love, in different ways, and my goal is to find mutual love with someone with whom I can have a healthy, happy, committed relationship. If I never find him, thems the breaks.
The final disastrous relationship I referred to in my first thread was with a woman who, last I heard, was in a committed relationship with another woman.
“There’s someone for everyone” and “one true love” (or the “soulmate hypothesis” if I’m reading it correctly) are a tiny bit different.
Your own position is compatible with the proposition that “there’s someone for everyone”; as long as the numbers of single men and single women are equal (assuming polyamory is out of the question, but I’m not disposed to open that can o’worms now), at best it’s just a matter of solving what’s called “the stable marriage problem” and matching everyone up with their most preferred matches who want them, too. At worst, one hopes that in the random matchings everyone winds up with a partner whose companionship is preferable to being single.
Unfortunately, there aren’t equal numbers of men and women, and there are a few of us malcontents out and about who are more satisifed alone and who refuse to be matched. Between those factors, the numbers aren’t going to to be equal, and by necessity there are going to be some involuntarily unmatched folks out there.
I have not accepted that I will be single forever, but based on my currently life circumstance I don’t see entering a committed full time romantic relationship with anyone any time in the next decade.
Not to say that I won’t allow it to happen, or even pursue it occasionally, but for the first time in my life, after a horrid destruction of an even worse marriage, where it was MY incorrect assumptions about many things that were the root cause of the initial problems, I have come to a place where I just don’t think I am quite enough of an adult to have a fully functional relationship and raise a kid on my own.
Once my kid is in college, then perhaps I shall have the time and the inclination to really look for a life partner.
Oh, and I think with a bit of sexual compatiblity and strong enough reciprocal desire on both parts with a dash of patience and good communication skills, just about any human can partner with just about any other human.
Am I right? Will I ever have the right bit of ‘reciprocal desire’, much less patience and good communication skills? I have. I think I will. Don’t know, and am not particularly worried about it.
I am much better company than most I know, and I have good friends when I need them. As for sex, I am a better lover to myself than most women I have known, so I am not starving- but I sure love good sex with a talented and devoted woman!
As a teen, I figured I’d get married - everybody does, right?
By the time I got my BA, I had realized that I wasn’t going to be with anyone, or anyplace, for any length of time.
I turn 60 shortly.
37 years old, never married, a few serious relationships but I figure I’ll be single forever. I’m very introverted and need my alone time or I get really moody which girlfriends assume I’m just being distant or a jerk.
When I was in my early 20’s I had a roommate who was getting married and told me that I better start thinking about it myself because we’re “gettin to be that age”. He’s now going through a divorce. Him and about a dozen other of my friends from high school (must be a midlife crisis thing).
For me if it happens it happens but I don’t it my lifes goal.
I never planned on getting married, I never planned on not getting married.
I blame my parents (now married 56 years & going strong) on setting too good an example of what/how a marriage should be.
Perhaps I’ve rationalized or fooled myself but there is a difference between “being alone” and “being lonely.” I do make a great friend.
Now on the sunset side of 50 I’m guessing I won’t be sending out wedding invitations but remain open to the idea with the right woman, stranger things have happened :dubious:
48, female, single. Pretty damned likely to stay that way. Yeah, I have accepted it. Doesn’t mean I *like *it, but… whatever.
I have tried a few of the on-line dating sites and went on a few dates, found out just how slim the pickings were. I want a companion, someone fun, that I can talk to for hours, not just to jump into bed the first date, and that’s all they wanted. Well, except for the one guy that spent the entire date talking about how much he loved his parents and how he didn’t know what he would do if anything happened to them. He was 52.
That’s good to know. I mean… loving your family is great… spending an entire first date discussing all their health problems and tearing up at the thought of them not always being alive… not so much.
Me? I’m doin’ just fine…