Did you ever just... feel lonely?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m having that feeling tonight.

Normally I am fine but once in awhile I realize that I am a day and a halfs drive away from anyone that loves me.

Heres a little background that I have never shared on here before. 10 months ago me and my then 3 year live in girlfriend moved here to Vegas, kind of on a whim and just to do it.

She has an aunt (whos a realtor) and uncle out here so we had no problem finding a place to live (she bought a house), and shes a nurse so she had no problem finding a job, in fact she had one before we moved from West Virginia. It took me a month to find a job and then it was a Hobby store job of which I had several years experience with back in missouri, but it was barely above minimum wage, in february I got an almost decent paying job as a DSL tech for BellSouth.

I had moved from KC Missouri to live with her in WV and we had lived together there for 2 and 1/2 years… we met via the internet in a chat room and did the phone thing and flying/driving back and forth for a year previous to that.

OK back to my loneliness… soon after (and much thought and trying) we arrived here we realized our relationship would not work and we could not be together in that way but we had been through so much together that we should still be friends and blah blah blah. This is true, we have helped each other through a lot and so forth and I will spare the details here but to not be friends would just be silly, even though it is OBVIOUS we can’t be partners (and thats no joke L! …and yes deep down we knew this before we moved), but we decided to still be roommates… and, on what im making if we wern’t I would have to live in a slum and in a bad part of town.

So anyway, tonight I am sitting here alone in a house that seems abnormally dark and quiet and I start thinking about my family that I left almost 4 years ago and how close knit we are and how much we all love each other… My immediate family gets together every 2 weeks minimum! Mom and Dad, Sisters, brothers in laws, nieces and nephews and everyone!

I realize that I couldnt reach someone that I love and that loves me in a day and a halfs drive. I know no one here. I have no friends here. I have no one to run to and escape. I am alone in this house… I am alone in this HALF OF THE COUNTRY. …and I am so lonely.

I can’t get back to Missouri because I need a job there first… I just wanna go home… I’m tired of not having anyone to talk to… I’m tired of not having anyone smile at me… I’m tired of being alone… so tired.

Now I am going to hit “Submit New Thread” and tomorrow in the light of day I will feel a fool I am sure.

I’ve tried not to post personal stuff on this board… I’ve tried to make this a place where I can just act a fool and be stupid. I have stuck to that mostly except for my cat threads (I refered to this person as my GF their for clarification purposes and to avoid the above). But tonight the house is just too quiet…

2

Whammo,

Don’t feel bad because you opened up, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I wish you had been there partying with us last weekend, at least that would have been a diversion for your loneliness.

I can’t really offer any words of comfort except I hope that you can make a call to a family member and feel better. Sometimes that’s all you can do but it helps a little.

Well, I hope things get better and don’t feel bad for explaining your emotions…there’s far too much of non-emotions as it is and letting a few go is good.

3

Whammo, I think it must be in the air tonight. I’ve been living alone for about 5 years now and usually I have things pretty well together.

For some reason, I have been feeling very melancholy tonight. Some yanking from my inner self that’s saying “Time for a change!”

I don’t know, maybe it is.

Shit, I don’t feel any better! What the fuck good are you!? (kidding, kinda)

4

I know that feeling. I’ve been here (Chicago area) for a few years now, and I just now feel like I’m starting to get the friends I want, but I still feel like I’m waiting for my life to start.

I feel like the beginning of my life is just around the corner. At first it was moving away from home, and when that happened everything would click into place. It didn’t. Then it was getting my post-college job. Nope, still on hold. Every time I come to a major life point, I’m sure it’s going to snap me out of it and “begin my life”, but it never seems to. Right now I’m thinking a relationship with the right girl will do it, but we won’t know until that comes around. It’s right around the corner, I can feel it.

So, I don’t know if it makes you feel better ot not to know this, but you’re not alone in this lonely world. People care about you, many on this board, so remember that.

Until then, we just need to grab Techchick and have a group hug and tell each other that it’ll be okay.

It’ll be okay.

5

Whammo, from the very bottom of my soul, I am telling you.

Move home. Go to be with the people who love you. Don’t wait until you have a job there, just GO HOME and stay with your parents, or a sibling until you find a job and get back on your feet.

And never, ever feel bad about posting your feelings on this board. You have value as a person, and you are missing Max, and you are lonely. Know what that means? It means that you are human, babe, and that you feel comfortable here because you know you have friends here. That is a good thing, and we will still be here for you if you move back home. Do it.

No matter how annoying family can be, if they are even nominally functional, they are the closest thing to heaven that we will know here on earth.

Go home, and feel surrounded by love.

Scotti

6

Tech… I know… I wish I would have gone, but I was feeling this same way last weekend and in my depressive mind I didn’t want to leave the house and have fun with people that I would probably never see again… and then I was thinking you know I mostly only post CRAP on here for my own enjoyment anyway… and blah blah blah… the depressive mind.
Then I saw your picks and I hated myself even more for not going… I think it would have been great. Just the release I needed. I am sorry.

I think I need some kind of medication.

Maybe even other then alcohol.

7

Whammo, I don’t know you-cause I haven’t been here long. But I know what you mean. Since graduating from college in 1995, I have lived in 5 different cities. Now, I’m in Atlanta, and don’t really know anyone.

You’re working for BellSouth? Have you looked into transfering with them? It may not get you to MO, but pretty much anywhere in the southeast has BellSouth operations. The Nashville or Memphis areas aren’t too far from parts of MO. Atlanta has lots of jobs open right now, if you wanted to come this way. I started a better paying job less than a month after being laid off my last one.

If you want to get home though-are there any relatives who could put you up for a month or so? Give you the time to find work. I know my mom and dad would-but I would insist on definate time limits, because it’s easy to stay there.

General loneliness-yeah, I know about that. I really know no one here, apart from the people at work, and I don’t want to hang out with them all the time. I have a couple of friends, but wouldn’t call them close, and they’re becoming people that I am “tired” of- I still like them, but I need to talk to someone new. But I can’t run up my long distance bill, and what I don’t have here are women friends. Guys have been easy to meet, at least friends that are guys. But I want to talk about girl stuff, laugh about guys and dates, talk about makeup, and all the fun parts of being a girl.

I don’t know how to help you though. If you find a perfect answer, let me know. And if I find one, I’ll tell you.

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I couldn’t agree with Scotticher more . You have nothing to feel bad about. You just being honest and human :slight_smile:

Get those mails/c.v.(resume)/letters together and start looking for a job . If it’s at all possible go home ASAP .

Hope things look a bit better in the light of a new day. I also guarantee if you make a firm decision you will start to feel a lot better .

9

My family is the LEAST annoying thing on earth. All my life I have known that I didn’t want to be far away from them and I know that still. We are so tight.

I mentioned wanting to move back once to my mom on the phone… she told me to make sure I had a job before I quit this one. That told me she wouldn’t be thrilled about me asking to move back in. That hurt… but I understand, they have had there own life now for a long time and my dads retired and my mom will be in the next year or two. They don’t need to be supporting anyone now “till they find a good job”

My sister once mentioned to me that I could live in her basement if I ever needed to… don’t know if she really ment it though. They have there whole life going on there.

10

Lsura,

I don’t work through BellSouth directly… I work for a company called Client Logic who is basicly a subcontractor for tech calls, a technology based company/call center for in comming tech calls and the client that I work for through them is BellSouth.

You know though… you made me remember. ClientLogic just opened a new facility in Oklahoma on the OK/Kansas boarder… thats like a 5 hour drive from home! I think I will see what it takes to be transfered there.

11

Come home, Whammo, buddy. Come back to KC. You can walk the Plaza and look at the fountains and buy expensive stuff from Sharper Image that you don’t need. You can get drunk at TomFoolries. You can spend a saturday night at Westport hitting on snobby college chicks. You can admire the huge houses in Leawood. You can play frisbee at Luce Park. You’ll be with your family again, surrounded by people who love you.

Hell, if you came back, we might even be able to get a KC Dopefest together to welcome you home.

Good luck.

–Tim

12

You know, Whammo-

I love and adore my family. I would give my life for any one of them. I have to say that they still annoy the heck out of me sometimes. Just because I love them does not mean that I am on some automaton conveyer belt of agreement. However-I would be miserable if I had to live somewhere away from them.

I have to say that if your sister offered to let you stay in her basement, she MEANT IT! Is that so hard for you to accept? It is not, and I repeat NOT wrong or emasculating to ask for or accept help from people who love you.

It is not as though you are planning on living there forever, is it? No, you just need a place to stay until you get a job in the area. So, take her offer, move home and do your level best to get a GOOD job.

As far as your mom is concerned, darlin’, you have to understand how a mother’s mind works. She loves you, and she just wants you to be a productive adult. If you shared with her how miserable you are WHERE you are, she would most likely be on the next plane out there, to bring you home. She just wants you to be a “good person, a contributing member of society.” That is how moms think. Otherwise, they feel that they failed somehow. I don’t believe that she wants you to stay where you are and be unhappy. I think she would be happy to have you come home and stay with her, but it would probably be better for you to stay in your sister’s basement apartment. (Trust me on this, hon)

And, [hijack]Homer, this is the most intelligent, sensitive and reasonable post that I have ever seen you make. I applaud you, and hope to see more of this sensitive side-not that you care, I am sure.[/hijack]

13

I agree with Scotticher, if your mom knew how miserable you were I bet she’d let you come home in a minute. Go home babe. You’d feel so much better and you know your family loves you.

Good luck I’m thinking of you.

14

Whammo, baby, you’ve got to get back home. Or at least close enough to drive there when you want. Hey, move to Nashville–it’s about a half day drive to KC and then we can have Doper meetings together!

Seriously, you need to get back to where your roots are–you get your strength from them. At least go back for a visit and recharge your batteries. Meanwhile, if you need to talk, feel free to e-mail me!

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{{{{Whammo}}}}

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I do care, Scotti. Our dear friend Whammo has removed his mask and asked us to help him with his pain.

We all wear masks to protect ourselves from the pain. My mask is that of a shallow frat boy. Sometimes, I forget I have it on, and when I remember, it’s been so long that it’s hard to take it off. Hopefully, one day, I won’t need to wear a mask anymore. Hopefully one day.

But today, it’s Whammo’s turn to speak, and my story is for another day, and another thread.

–Tim

17

Hej Whammo!

Just wanted to say,
I wish you the best
and I hope your moving back home,
becasue you need to and you know that.
Take care.
(((((((kram)))))))))

18

/me just realized how obscenely over dramatic he sounded in the last post

I do apologize.

–Tim

19

Homer, quit apologizing for “having a sensitive side.” It becomes you.

Whammo, please, find a way, man. Go home. I can’t imagine being that far away from my family. God, that would drive me wild. Good luck to you.

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::hijack::
{{{{{{{{{{Tim}}}}}}}}}}