Any Single Parents with an Empty Nest in Doperville?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

…would you like to share experiences?

My last child remaining at home just got married and is on her honeymoon. This is night 2 of an empty house, and this is night 2 of not being able to sleep.

I miss my kids. It’s not that I want them to move back in. No! I want them to live their lives. I want them to be successful and happy. I am proud of all 3 of them. But damn do I ever miss them.

This old house, that once seemed so warm, now seems lifeless and cold. My son’s room, that once had posters on the walls and trophies on the window ledge, now has that unmistakable generic look of “guest bedroom.” The girls’ room still has her stuff in it, but it’s all boxed up ready to be moved to their new home.

I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life, but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I feel so alone. I went into the kitchen this morning to make breakfast and thought “What’s the point it’s just me.” I went to McDonalds instead. I sat down this evening to watch a movie and couldn’t. Without the undercurrent of noise it just didn’t seem right. I went to a friends house instead.

I hope this deep feeling of loneliness passes soon and I can quickly adjust to being a 41 year old bachelor. It just isn’t home without any kids here.

2

Grandchildren will appear soon enough. Probably in 9 months :slight_smile:

3

My daughter, who lived nearby, just moved to North Carolina. My son, who lived with me, just up and moved to Iowa over the weekend. I was a little more depressed about it than I thought, but they are both well into their twenties. My daughter has lived out on her own for ten years, but always close by…I’m happy she’s getting to move and have some new experiences, like I did as a new bride, but she is going through that “desperately homesick” period right now and even though they’ve been back nearly every weekend, packing up their house, it’s hard to have her so far away. And it’s very hard to have her call in tears telling me how much she misses me and home.

And it all happened while my elderly mom, whom I live with, was in the nursing home temporarily, so I actually got two days of being completely alone for the first time in a really long time. It wasn’t long enough…now mom is back from the nursing home and I have to worry about her again.

There is so much to do right now that aside from a few weepy moments in the car driving to and fro, I haven’t had time to really grieve. But I’m really looking forward to less responsibility, less stress, less noise. And time to cook for myself, the things I’d like to try! I’m glad my son has made this move, even if it seems haphazard and random and not well-thought-out. He needs a chance at a new start to his troubled life. And I really, really need a break and the privacy.

The thing I miss the most so far is the support system…knowing I always have a ride to the airport. Knowing if I lock myself out, someone has a spare key. The help with the computer, the help lifting and carrying heavy things. Knowing that I can be there for them when THEY need things, too. And the hugs. I really, really, really miss the hugs. My kids had really rocky adolescences and adulthood hasn’t been a smooth sail, but despite all the stress and grief and despair, we love each other very much and are very close. And now I’m crying, which is good. I need a good cry.

And I can’t wait to clean my son’s room and spread out into there…but then we have so little space here, it’s not even funny. I don’t have big empty rooms taunting me.

4

I was going to PM you because I saw your ‘other’ thread, but decided to post here. The kids are gone. They’ve grown up and moved out. Guess what? You win! You’ve borne and raised productive members of society. I know exactly what you meant about making breakfast. When I went through The Unpleasantness I lived on a lot of fast food. There didn’t seem to be the point of making a meal, knowing I’d make it for four people out of habit. Then start crying when I see the leftovers. The loneliness passes. I eventually got them back, sans their mother, and I love it. They’re teenagers and will be moving out soon too.

SO now for some advice; Dude, you’re 41 with three kids old enough to have moved out? That’s still young these days. Get yourself a girlfriend(or boyfriend, whatever), a sports car and a some Rogaine and go have some fun! Time to start on some hobbies and filling those ‘guest rooms’ with crap so those damn kids don’t get any ideas on moving back home.

5

Let’s Hope!!!:):slight_smile:

My younger daughter did the same thing when she first left for college. She would even call me between classes. Eventually the amount of calls decreased to once a day. She’s in her junior year now and now she calls two or three times a week.

Believe it or not, I actually have a sort-of date tonight. It’s with a lady who lives down the street. She is a single mom who has helped out tremendously over the years. She was the one who helped my girls through their puberty female issues. I love my girls, but I wasn’t about to go there!

6

I say get a puppy!

7

Sounds like you’ve had a successful parenthood, Pduol. Two kids raised, fledged, and flying free is something to be proud of. But unless they moved way, way far across the ocean, they will come home to visit now and then. And there’s always the possibility of grandchildren.

But in the meantime, think about a puppy or a pair of kittens. There’s nothing like a fuzzy li’l furball to feed and hold and take car of to fill up time. Better yet, go to the pound and get an adult animal or two. These are harder to adopt than the little ones. But on the plus side, you’ll see the animal’s personality as it is, rather than how it might grow to be, and you’ll get to skip house training.

And you just may save its life.

8

Got one!

Of course, the old girl can’t hear and can barely see, but I still call her “Baby Girl.”

9

I’m not a single parent but it’s been just over a year now that we’ve had an empty nest. It gets better. Like every life change it’s rough at the beginning as you miss all the regular routines but you start enjoying all the things you didn’t have time for.

Depending on your relationship with your kids you can also choose my fathers method. When my little brother moved out my dad made a point of going to visit, drinking all the milk and putting the empty container back in the fridge, leaving all the lights on and not folding the bread package closed again. Dad said it felt like home again once all that was done.

10

That’s funny! I think when I go to Houston to visit my son next weekend I’m going to do this. Except I’ll add one more: use all the hot water! Grrrr:mad:

Thanks for that.

11

Best idea EVER!!!

I am SO gonna do this and when my darling calls to chastize me I’ll reply:

“HA! Gotchaya!” (she won’t get that part but I’ll do it anyway)
“How do you like it?!”

:smiley:

12

My father drove 18 hours from Ohio to Florida, I think, just so he could fling open my front door and leave it wide open.

That way he could watch me flip out, “What are you trying to air condition the entire block? That shit ain’t free, ya know!”

:smiley:

Bastard.

13

Pduol, people have given some excellent advice here. 20 years ago(!) my only child left to go to college on the other side of the country. I was the age you are now. It had been just the 2 of us for most of her life. I went crazy.

I would come home after work and feel like a ghost haunting my own house. People would ask me how I was doing and if I thought they actually cared, I would tell them I felt like someone who had spent the last 18 years living in a suit of armor, and someone had just come and ripped it off.

We couldn’t afford for my daughter to be flying back and forth for every break, so she stayed back East for Thanksgiving. I turned down two invitations to Thanksgiving dinner, and spent a hellish day alone. Just like all the other hellish days, but worse because it’s a family holiday.

I never told my daughter how I felt, though. I was so proud of her, and I wanted her college experience to be as positive as possible.

You sound like you’re in a much better position than I was. You already have a friend – your neighbor down the street sounds like a really good person, and I hope you have (had?) a good date together! Keep up with all your friendships. Stay in touch with people by phone, email, letter, whatever it takes. If you find you have too much time on your hands, volunteer somewhere.

Best wishes!

14

Word. I’m five years older than you and I have a 5-YEAR-OLD.

15

Thanks for this. You have described almost exactly how I have been feeling the past few days.

It’s almost as if my reason for living isn’t here anymore. No, I’m not thinking of suicide or anything like that. I know my children still need me as someone said in the other thread. I just need to find a new sense of direction and purpose.

I am a regular volunteer at a local assistance agency, and have been for years. It’s heartwarming to be able to help in some small way.

Anyway, your post let me know that I’m not alone. Thank you again.

Oh, and my date is tonight. I’m about to get in the shower. Wish me Luck!

16

Good luck! Don’t drink too much! :wink:
(I never use the winky smiley, but it seems appropriate here. :smiley: )

17

Shit, you saw that, huh? Not one of my finest moments.

18

Heh heh. Was it Lynn you have to thank for it getting shut down in a big damned hurry? I’d send her a nice bouquet of flowers if I were you. :slight_smile:

19

If I were you I’d be changing the locks real quick! Kids nowadays have a funny habit of moving back home when you least expect it.

Sheesh…I moved 350km away when my kids finally left the nest thinking that they were cool and I was free: lo and behold two of them met dire straits and needed to ‘come home’ again. They’ve since got on their feet and are living just 500 metres away, not the 350k I originally intended. :smiley:

Meh, it’s all good. Love yer’ kids Pduol…all the good karma eventually comes back to bite your arse big time!!

20

Unfortunately my mom has gone pretty crazy with the empty nest. I try to visit, but it’s hard when there’s distance. I’d say try to remember you’re not losing a purpose, you’re relaxing after accomplishing a goal. There’s always plus sides to a little privacy too. For example now you can hang around the house naked. Or if you’re really not in the the mood to make breakfast one morning, you can just say screw it and grab take out. Whatever you do, don’t start insisting your kids take care package that grow exponentially larger and more bizarre every time they visit then get upset when they edit them down to a reasonable size. I get these sad puppy dog eyes from my mom every time I have to say something like “But Mom, why would I lug cans of sour kraut 300 miles from your house to mine when I live across the street from a supermarket? And I don’t even like canned sour kraut.”