It’s been just my daughter and me since she was 10 months old. She’s finally, at age 24, moving out - but not until early July.
I’m already at a loss without her. And it’s not as if she’s moving to somewhere in the city. She’ll be almost three hours away. No more weekend breakfasts. No more chitchat in the car (where we have the best conversations). No more of her tearing through the house. I can count on one hand the times I’ve grocery shopped by myself since she was born.
Granted, with facetime and texting, we’ll still be in contact, but it’s not the same. And it’s way past time for her to move out. I do adore her boyfriend, too. They work well together.
I just already feel so alone. I haven’t been in a relationship in more than a few years, and with my health issues, I don’t want to drag anyone into this hell. I have a small circle of friends, but they are all busy with their families.
I think you need to try to find something new that is just yours. Like a new hobby you always wanted to try. Your identity is all about being a mother, but that’s not all you are. Now is a chance to focus on the others parts of yourself that you have ignored. Just a thought. I have no idea what I am talking about really.
I don’t know what to say except something very similar to this. You’ll end up adapting and blossoming, though it’ll be scary at first (@OP). Change is always very frightening. It will take time to find and build another strong friendship with someone other than your daughter, but it’s bound to happen. That, and probably some new hobbies in the meantime. I’ve lost a lot of people and moved quite a bit in my life. Somehow, we adapt and new people always fill the gap. It’ll be okay. Make sure not to seclude yourself! That’s all I can think in way of advice. Leaving the house is refreshing and energizing.
Oh, girl I feel you. My baby left for college last fall. I have raised 2 older kids and I know that this is the first big jump and will only lead to other big jumps. I thought I would have her this summer but, alas she is staying on to take a couple of courses this summer. I was seriously disappointed. I covered it well. I don’t want her having guilt over me.
But there is the realization that I have done my job well, she is a great human being and smart, so smart. I will muddle through. I have gotten a couple painting jobs completed (paid for, I might add) and I volunteer. I get a weird happiness from my pets. They just feed my soul, they need me so much.
My advice, go to a shelter and play with puppies and kittens, find a new hobby. Just fill your days with stuff. If you get depressed, clinically, see a Doctor. I think you will find it’s not as bad as you think it will be. You will always be her Mother, no matter what.
Many of us face a similar situation when retiring (what the #%!! am I going to do now??). I took up curling at the tender age of 66 (and no, I’m not that athletic) and now it’s my life. And something else will come up when I can no longer curl.
Mine is going to college in the Fall - 1400 miles away. But then she got a Summer job as a camp counselor. So she leaves in June. I’m very proud of her for both, but damn - who will I be able to swipe nail polish from, share shoes with, and be able to borrow makeup that a 50 year old woman would never buy for herself?
I have a husband and a son - but I’m losing my theatre buddy and fellow household History geek. I’m going to start taking my girlfriends to the theatre - make my husband go to a show or two. Even my son - who hates theatre, says he’ll see The Book of Mormon with us.
My situation is different and a bit further off, but our only child is 16 and finishing up her sophomore year. She’s thinking about college, setting up some visits and plans on living on campus. It will be me, my husband and the dogs. I know it’s a few years off and I won’t be alone, but if I dwell on it too long, my heart wants to break. I’m sending you hugs. I can’t remember if you mentioned if you have any pets. Are you an animal lover? Would you consider adding a dog or cat to your household?
I do have a cat. She’s taking our other cat with her (that cat is currently residing with my mom due to… issues [glares at my cat]).
I also work full time, thank heavens. Without work, I would go completely crazy. And, of course, there’s the 15 hours/week in a dialysis chair for extra excitement.
As it is, once a month she goes down for a long weekend, and I do manage, but dang it gets lonely. I’ve never lived completely alone. Went from my parents, to her dad and I living together, to being a single parent.
It probably doesn’t help that I’m not the most social person. Shocking, on this site, I know. I worry - as does my daughter - that I will become a hermit. Hey, why go shopping when amazon delivers?
I’m sort of jealous that you are at that stage. It was a fun and exciting stage. I wish we’d have done more visits - timing was really hard and she wanted the East Coast - we live in the Midwest - which made visits really expensive. We did visit her first choice, and she fell in love with it, and she got accepted there, so that’s that.
Now we are in the middle of Senioritis - and its like living with a toddler again. The combination of bored with high school and having to finish, with the anxiety around the next stage coming - and yet, not being here - is setting off all sorts of behavior. Its natures way to make me care less that she won’t live here.
It is exciting and also bittersweet in a way, although I keep telling myself it’s much too soon for that. We are on the East Coast which is where she plans to stay, just hours away depending on her decision, so I guess I am lucky in that respect. Back to the OP, I could easily fall into the hermit trap if I were alone. I’m quite a homebody. The thing is though, there are beautiful spring days and brisk autumn mornings, in other words even if only for a few minutes get outside and enjoy nature and maybe the neighbors. Try to take baby steps. A walk one day, a trip to the mall another, treat you and only you to lunch one day. Do you enjoy reading? A trip to a local bookstore or library can be fun and a good read can sometimes take me away for hours at a time.