My daughter is 19. She’s in her first year of Community College and has a part time job. Even though she lives with me we see each other infrequently because of our schedules. In the summer she’s a camp counsellor for 8 weeks and mostly lives at camp during that time.
I’ve always enjoyed my independant time when she’s off doing her thing and we always keep in touch via phone etc.
But my niece and her husband have gone on vacation for 18 days and my daughter is taking care of their condo and their cat while they’re gone. She’s not far away, it’s not even 10 miles from home. She’s been coming home almost daily to get clothes and stuff but a couple of things have happened that have caused me to have that empty nest feeling.
Saturday we were shopping together and she said she had to leave in time to get “home” and get ready for work. By “home” she meant her cousin’s condo not the house she still shares with me and her step dad.
Then yesterday we didn’t speak at all. No visit, no call. Now, I’ve certainly gone more than 1 day without talking to her. When she’s at camp we often don’t speak for several days at a time. But something about this felt different.
This morning I called her and she told me that she bought groceries and cooked herself dinner for the first time. Today she’s visiting a new guy she met in a nearby city. She promised she’ll come home and have dinner with us tomorrow.
Somehow this all feels different. Like, suddenly, she really doesn’t need me quite like she used to. She’s enjoying the independance.
Suddenly I’m feeling all misty about my little girl being so all grown up. After all this time thinking I was just a cold hearted bitch because I used to enjoy my independance when she was gone. Is this how it’s going to be then?
I know, it’s bitter sweet really. I love that I get to be more independant now too.
Of course she’s not all that independant. I’m still paying for her cell phone and her car insurance. Maybe I should really be a cold hearted bitch and start demanding money.
Amp you’re exactly right. Your little sweetie will be 10 years old forever, until you wake up one day and he’s 18.
I went home for a wedding last weekend, and my mum admitted to me what happened when she left my flat after helping me move out. She cried all the way to the airport, then she cried all through the flight, then she cried all the way home when my step dad picked her up from the airport. She cried intermittently for about two weeks afterwards.
One day, a colleague just beginning on the empty nest journey asked her if she was still upset. She said no, and actually she quite liked it by then. It was a new phase of her life and she was enjoying watching me shape mine.
The irony is that we had lived quite independent lives when in the same house. I’m sure things will work out and you’ll both learn a new way of life, perhaps enjoy it! If my mum, Teary McCriesalot can do it, I’m sure you can.
It was really odd hearing this from your perspective, because it reminded me of my own mother when I left the nest, finally. She knew my fiancee and I had bought a house, knew I would be moving out, etc…
Fortunately for me, I did not have a great deal of junk to pack up, so I basically threw all of my things in a few bags the nightafter I received the keys to the new place, tossed them in the back of my car, and was gone. My mom didn’t realize that this was her eldest kiddo flying away until I pretty much had everything ready to go, and then it finally hit her.
No crying, cause that would have made it tough, but I think the shock of me leaving finally was still rolling over her. However, there was this sense of change that came about her, weird, but noticeable. It is still strange to me to see that described by someone else. Fortunately, it looks like I still have a little ways to go before I am on the other side of that coin. My daughter turns 9 in a month, and I’m still wondering how in the heck that happened, it has flown by.
I’ts wonderful and strange, sorrowful but strong. Grand sweeping emotinons and all that. I had the pique to tell a comrade that I had prepared my daughter for 18 yrs to be on her own and by Og she couuld do it !! Of course I still cried as I put sheets on her bed or had to skip setting her place at the table. It’s bittersweet. I’m so thankful that she can run her own life but I miss my Doodle-bug.
I appreciate all the responses. You know that’s been the strange thing, we don’t see each other all that often but just lately she’s got this new independance. Cooking her own dinner really hit me.
She’s having dinner with us tonight and I’m going to teach her to make her favorite: Chicken Piccata.
Yeah. Uh, huh, oh yes. It is these little things that really bring the situation home to one. Speaking as one who has been there.
But cheer up, as the last part of your post says about teaching her to make her favorite dish…you will get calls from her asking “How do you make…” or “What did you put in…” and you will slowly realize that with a good relationship, she’s always gonna need some help at times from Mom. (AND from Dad, dang it!) These times will be extra special.
